Friday, October 31, 2008

十月的最后一天

两个多月以前精神状态非常好,持续一个月之久。当时很高兴,以为一切都肯定好起来了,开始和朋友联系等等。但是接下来的三个星期又一下跌到深渊,每天痛哭,有强烈求死之心。再两个星期,情绪上是平稳多了,不开心也没有什么极端想法,就是每天都来一下低烧,嗜睡。在最低谷的三个星期里非常非常绝望,现在想想,其实不应该那么意外的。好的那一个月固然心情上和没得抑郁症之前差不多,但是那时的睡眠明显不正常,每晚常常只能入睡2,3个小时。所以,幻想自己已经痊愈是很傻很天真了些。

今天是十月的最后一天,我觉得自己好像站在一条山路上,心里想着大海,但是前面弯弯地看不清去向。好像很冷静,好像无所谓,好像还存有一点希望。然后突然看到一条消息,百度抑郁症吧的吧主,一个网名叫做“潇湘馆的竹叶”的25岁女孩,据说是第一个创建抑郁症吧的,四年来在吧里开导过许多病友。然而就在不到一个星期以前,自杀身亡。我找到百度抑郁症吧,看了她的一些资料,大概现在是麻木期的缘故,面对这个让我颤抖的消息我并没有流泪不止。在我心底里,除了悲哀,也为她高兴,因为她终于解脱了。看到她有一个很相爱的男友,但是她还是走了。也许那种寒冰已经侵入骨髓,爱情的温暖也终于不能融化,那有多么痛苦啊。我想她一定辗转反侧过很久很久。四年前她有创建抑郁症吧的勇气,我想她一定是个坚强的女孩子。如果真有另一个世界,希望她在那里的每一天,都是快乐的。

我绝不是支持自杀,只是觉得有些选择,是试卷上留下的唯一选项。这种情况并不多见,绝大多数的情况,还有很多很多其它的路。我不知道将来我会如何,人生是很难预测的,但是,比较地想一下,我好像还没有到叶子那样绝望的地步。如果有一个温暖的家,或者一个相爱的人,我知道自己一定会好的。虽然这些现在无法实现,但是至少心中还有一点希望和梦想。不管是不是会完全好起来,还是永远在好起来的路上,也许,我还能做一些有用的事情。

或许是我自我保护的意识比较强,在目前的状态下我不能想像去做一个抑郁症吧的吧主。我觉得,其实抑郁症患者不应该太过扎堆,负面情绪是很容易相互感染的。以我自己的经历,不开心的时候劝导别人,就必须强忍着心里的悲伤,即使当时忍住了,过后只会来得更汹涌。这个群体和世界上任何其它一种群体一样,每个人都是不同的。虽然也许都有一个伤口,但是我们当中的很多人,在适合自己的地方,还是会象破碎的珍珠一样,反射出太阳温润美丽的光芒。

叶子,你喜欢大海吗?

Sunday, October 26, 2008

concerto pour deux voix

昨天花了五个多小时终于把门口长的茂盛而纠结的野花草清理掉了。其实我很喜欢她紫色的小花,每天一到清晨就生机勃勃地开满一片,几乎要把门掩盖起来,有时会有种住在花丛中的感觉。那里也是附近小猫们的天堂,天热的时候好几次看见小米蜷在里面舒服地睡觉。但是她的美太不受约束了,附近一个事儿奶奶逮着机会就跟我罗嗦说这丛野花怎么怎么讨厌,怎么怎么碍她老人家的眼,还擅自叫隔壁的青年(貌似人家还很不情愿的)把边角给砍掉一片。

不知道这片野花怎么长出来的,以前在她还不是很茂盛的时候我徒手拔过一次,下面的根错综缠绕,深且紧,累个半死没多久就又长出来了。且越长越热烈,一大片一人多高地开着好像永不凋谢的花朵。但是我终于借来一把铲子,一点一点利用杠杆原理把她们挖了出来。力气和时间有限,她们的尸体,我抱着一趟趟运到了垃圾箱。只有极少的根枝,被我扔过篱笆落到一片宽阔的野草地,不知道会不会有生命的奇迹。

美是我活下去唯一的动力。这个世界不是不美,是美的生存太艰难。

而我,又何尝不是刽子手中的一个。今天从手指到脚,没有一处不痛,那是她的眼泪吧。

很好听的童声吟唱,每个开始,都是最纯洁美丽的。



Bjorn Andresen,曾被誉为世界第一美少年,以《魂断威尼斯》闻名于世。灰暗的童年,一生为美貌和流言所累。其实我对这种男性阴柔之美并不很欣赏,不过还是好好地哭了一场。哭的是年逾五十的他对父亲的渴望,哭的是美人不许见白头的悲哀,哭的是人间对美的一边榨取一边冷漠。





历史上真实的威尼斯美少年貌似是这位:波兰男爵Władysław Moes,当年11岁。文字的描写常常更胜于真实,大概因为心中有偏爱。


这张特别给一笑,前排正中玉树临风的那位,看看是谁?


I know what my problem is - I always love the impossible. Whether or not I love because they're impossible, my fear or pride makes them impossible anyway... Oh well. But I do wish all the "impossible" to be as beautiful and good as they could possibly be, and to be appreciated, cherished by the world.

好吧,我承认,对这个心中的“第一”也是有偏爱的。不只是眼缘。费雯丽是双极型抑郁症患者,或者,感情太过强烈比较容易导致这样的结果?她那么得爱那个男人,最后还是失去了她。如果有来生,希望她还是这么美,还是这么热爱她所从事得工作,并且,能够得到她所爱的人至死不渝的爱情。但是大约是没有来生的。至少,在世界的某些角落,比如在我的壁纸里,她会永远的微笑着。

Monday, October 20, 2008

晒点别人的幸福 ~

喜欢董洁MM,虽然她的影视作品看得并不多,但是喧嚣尘世光怪陆离的娱乐圈里,年轻一代中感觉能够称得上出淤泥而不染的,大概也只有清纯甜美的她了。现在董MM已经正式了她的幸福,真叫人高兴。偶然看到这么一组相片,和那个极品美人里收集的一比较,不由感慨,幸福真的比美还要美。转贴一下,大家一起乐乐:)(直接点击可得大图)

最早发布的结婚照


书中走出来的人儿


只羡鸳鸯不羡仙~~






Sunday, October 19, 2008

Thank you for the music

如果没有你的手.
如果你不在左右,
或许这个世界里也没有我.
如果不是你爱我,
无怨无尤,
不知道伤心的时候向谁诉说.
你在风雨中守候,
你在黑夜里担忧,
就在不知不觉中青春损磨.
你在笑容的背后,
泪眼滂沱,
我知道你在掩藏自己的脆弱.
如果还能让我牵着你的手,
我要告诉全世界这是我唯一的选择.
如果岁月还能再给我,
我要重新再把你看个够.

刚刚看的台湾电影《妈妈再爱我一次》续集《豆花女》中的一首主题曲《牵你的手》,觉得旋律歌词都还挺好的。电影本身就颇老套了,年轻丧夫的女主豆花女卖豆花为生,与丧妻的矿工重建家庭,两人分别都有一个孩子。豆花女以博大胸怀感动了颇为叛逆的男孩,好日子没过几天,丈夫出事,后去世。两个孩子都很懂事,但是女孩(豆花女亲生)中学毕业就辍学供哥哥上大学,大学毕业后豆花女又要求女儿拿出嫁妆钱供儿子出国留学。儿子毕业在即,却在实验室的一次事故中为了抢救别人失去了生命。感人的情节有,但是觉得有点怪怪的,仿佛为了感人而感人。不太明白这样的家庭条件,为什么一定要牺牲女儿让儿子去美国留学(显然不是拿到奖学金的那种)。虽然儿子很好,可是,这不是拿女儿的幸福成全自己的母爱么?在那种年代和旧式的思想,女儿嫁过去如果因为没有嫁妆被婆家欺负,一辈子不幸福,她会不会愧疚?还是觉得反正是亲生的女儿,怎么样都是应该的?不太理解哎。

另外推荐两个纯搞笑的电影,没什么内涵,但是一个热闹,一个很搞笑。热闹的那个是歌舞片Mamma Mia!,里面有那个最帅的007(不过他老人家唱歌可是真难听),还有Meryl Streep,歌曲全是七八十年代很有名的一个欧洲流行乐队ABBA的经典。看来我还真是老派,这么老的歌一听就很有感觉,比现下流行的都有感觉哎。搞笑的叫Get Smart,FBI的故事,男主是《阳光小美女》里面的同性恋舅舅,幽默得自然,女主是《公主日记》里的公主,身材一级棒。居然还有蝎子王,伽菲猫,笑料不断。如果看过同名的电视剧系列,据说应该更会心。没有看过,也不影响。

Focus on the music :)
ABBA Super Trouper

Super trouper beams are gonna blind me
But I wont feel blue
Like I always do
cause somewhere in the crowd theres you

I was sick and tired of everything
When I called you last night from glasgow
All I do is eat and sleep and sing
Wishing every show was the last show
(wishing every show was the last show)
So imagine I was glad to hear youre coming
(glad to hear youre coming)
Suddenly I feel all right
(and suddenly its gonna be)
And its gonna be so different
When Im on the stage tonight

Tonight the
Super trouper lights are gonna find me
Shining like the sun
(sup-p-per troup-p-per)
Smiling, having fun
(sup-p-per troup-p-per)
Feeling like a number one
Tonight the
Super trouper beams are gonna blind me
But I wont feel blue
(sup-p-per troup-p-per)
Like I always do
(sup-p-per troup-p-per)
cause somewhere in the crowd theres you

Facing twenty thousand of your friends
How can anyone be so lonely
Part of a success that never ends
Still Im thinking about you only
(still Im thinking about you only)
There are moments when I think Im going crazy
(think Im going crazy)
But its gonna be alright
(youll soon be changing everything)
Everything will be so different
When Im on the stage tonight

Tonight the
Super trouper lights are gonna find me
Shining like the sun
(sup-p-per troup-p-per)
Smiling, having fun
(sup-p-per troup-p-per)
Feeling like a number one
Tonight the
Super trouper beams are gonna blind me
But I wont feel blue
(sup-p-per troup-p-per)
Like I always do
(sup-p-per troup-p-per)
cause somewhere in the crowd theres you

So Ill be there when you arrive
The sight of you will prove to me Im still alive
And when you take me in your arms
And hold me tight
I know its gonna mean so much tonight

Tonight the
Super trouper lights are gonna find me
Shining like the sun
(sup-p-per troup-p-per)
Smiling, having fun
(sup-p-per troup-p-per)
Feeling like a number one
Tonight the
Super trouper beams are gonna blind me
But I wont feel blue
(sup-p-per troup-p-per)
Like I always do
(sup-p-per troup-p-per)
cause somewhere in the crowd theres you



ABBA The Winner Takes All

I don’t wanna talk
About the things we’ve gone through
Though it’s hurting me
Now it’s history
I’ve played all my cards
And that’s what you’ve done too
Nothing more to say
No more ace to play

The winner takes it all
The loser standing small
Beside the victory
That’s her destiny

I was in your arms
Thinking I belonged there
I figured it made sense
Building me a fence
Building me a home
Thinking I’d be strong there
But I was a fool
Playing by the rules

The gods may throw a dice
Their minds as cold as ice
And someone way down here
Loses someone dear
The winner takes it all
The loser has to fall
It’s simple and it’s plain
Why should I complain.

But tell me does she kiss
Like I used to kiss you?
Does it feel the same
When she calls your name?
Somewhere deep inside
You must know I miss you
But what can I say
Rules must be obeyed

The judges will decide
The likes of me abide
Spectators of the show
Always staying low
The game is on again
A lover or a friend
A big thing or a small
The winner takes it all

I don’t wanna talk
If it makes you feel sad
And I understand
You’ve come to shake my hand
I apologize
If it makes you feel bad
Seeing me so tense
No self-confidence
But you see
The winner takes it all
The winner takes it all......



ABBA Chiquitita

Chiquitita, tell me whats wrong
Youre enchained by your own sorrow
In your eyes there is no hope for tomorrow
How I hate to see you like this
There is no way you can deny it
I can see that youre oh so sad, so quiet

Chiquitita, tell me the truth
Im a shoulder you can cry on
Your best friend, Im the one you must rely on
You were always sure of yourself
Now I see youve broken a feather
I hope we can patch it up together

Chiquitita, you and I know
How the heartaches come and they go and the scars theyre leaving
Youll be dancing once again and the pain will end
You will have no time for grieving
Chiquitita, you and I cry
But the sun is still in the sky and shining above you
Let me hear you sing once more like you did before
Sing a new song, chiquitita
Try once more like you did before
Sing a new song, chiquitita

So the walls came tumbling down
And your loves a blown out candle
All is gone and it seems too hard to handle
Chiquitita, tell me the truth
There is no way you can deny it
I see that youre oh so sad, so quiet

Chiquitita, you and I know
How the heartaches come and they go and the scars theyre leaving
Youll be dancing once again and the pain will end
You will have no time for grieving
Chiquitita, you and I cry
But the sun is still in the sky and shining above you
Let me hear you sing once more like you did before
Sing a new song, chiquitita
Try once more like you did before
Sing a new song, chiquitita
Try once more like you did before
Sing a new song, chiquitita



ABBA Take A Chance on Me

If you change your mind, I’m the first in line
Honey I’m still free
Take a chance on me
If you need me, let me know, gonna be around
If you’ve got no place to go, if you’re feeling down
If you’re all alone when the pretty birds have flown
Honey I’m still free
Take a chance on me
Gonna do my very best and it ain’t no lie
If you put me to the test, if you let me try

Take a chance on me
(that’s all I ask of you honey)
Take a chance on me

We can go dancing, we can go walking, as long as we’re together
Listen to some music, maybe just talking, get to know you better
’cos you know I’ve got
So much that I wanna do, when I dream I’m alone with you
It’s magic
You want me to leave it there, afraid of a love affair
But I think you know
That I can’t let go

If you change your mind, I’m the first in line
Honey I’m still free
Take a chance on me
If you need me, let me know, gonna be around
If you’ve got no place to go, if you’re feeling down
If you’re all alone when the pretty birds have flown
Honey I’m still free
Take a chance on me
Gonna do my very best and it ain’t no lie
If you put me to the test, if you let me try

Take a chance on me
(come on, give me a break will you? )
Take a chance on me

Oh you can take your time baby, I’m in no hurry, know I’m gonna get you
You don’t wanna hurt me, baby don’t worry, I ain’t gonna let you
Let me tell you now
My love is strong enough to last when things are rough
It’s magic
You say that I waste my time but I can’t get you off my mind
No I can’t let go
’cos I love you so

If you change your mind, I’m the first in line
Honey I’m still free
Take a chance on me
If you need me, let me know, gonna be around
If you’ve got no place to go, if you’re feeling down
If you’re all alone when the pretty birds have flown
Honey I’m still free
Take a chance on me
Gonna do my very best, baby can’t you see
Gotta put me to the test, take a chance on me
(take a chance, take a chance, take a chance on me)

Ba ba ba ba baa, ba ba ba ba baa
Honey I’m still free
Take a chance on me
Gonna do my very best, baby can’t you see
Gotta put me to the test, take a chance on me
(take a chance, take a chance, take a chance on me)

Ba ba ba ba baa, ba ba ba ba baa ba-ba
Honey I’m still free
Take a chance on me



Amanda Seyfried Thank you for the music
(from the movie, to me this version is better than the original :)

Im nothing special, in fact Im a bit of a bore
If I tell a joke, youve probably heard it before
But I have a talent, a wonderful thing
cause everyone listens when I start to sing
Im so grateful and proud
All I want is to sing it out loud

So I say
Thank you for the music, the songs Im singing
Thanks for all the joy theyre bringing
Who can live without it, I ask in all honesty
What would life be?
Without a song or a dance what are we?
So I say thank you for the music
For giving it to me

Mother says I was a dancer before I could walk
She says I began to sing long before I could talk
And Ive often wondered, how did it all start?
Who found out that nothing can capture a heart
Like a melody can?
Well, whoever it was, Im a fan

So I say
Thank you for the music, the songs Im singing
Thanks for all the joy theyre bringing
Who can live without it, I ask in all honesty
What would life be?
Without a song or a dance what are we?
So I say thank you for the music
For giving it to me

Ive been so lucky, I am the girl with golden hair
I wanna sing it out to everybody
What a joy, what a life, what a chance!

So I say
Thank you for the music, the songs Im singing
Thanks for all the joy theyre bringing
Who can live without it, I ask in all honesty
What would life be?
Without a song or a dance what are we?
So I say thank you for the music
For giving it to me

Friday, October 17, 2008

极品美人


搬个帖子,以后陆续添加 -

我的最爱 - Vivian Leigh






别人都爱你飞扬的艳丽


我却更迷恋灰暗天空下洁白的百合


永远的微笑


美丽有性格 - Charlize Theron


如果说对最爱有怜惜的心情,对她的阳光,主见和气场更多的是欣赏


纯粹是美 - Elizabeth Taylor




惊鸿一瞥 - Jennifer Garner


这个入选是角色的缘故,所有文学作品中我最喜欢的女性之一 Esmeralda - Gina Lollobrigida


古典美人 - 董智芝


我见犹怜 - 邱于庭


喜欢的另一个古典美女 - 何晴


小时候看的女子别动队,小小年纪就知道惊人家为天人了


红衣少女 - 张莉


曾是一片云 - 林青霞


不知道为什么,特别喜欢这张的青春 - 郭霄珍


倩女幽魂~ - 王祖贤


不喜尤二姐,可是这张。。。- 张明明


虽然不是倾国倾城,却有份格外的温柔和亲切~ - 王馥荔


男的~
如此温暖的目光,居然也可以杀人不眨眼。。。可见外貌还是有欺骗性的,如世上的一切,皆有可能... - Alfred Schneidereith (LAH SS)


比较帅,不过最喜欢的还是《兵临城下》的那个角色 - Jude Law


十五岁的少年 - Bjorn Andresen


Robert Taylor 不留胡子更帅啊,给电晕了


帅哥太少了,加个超模,感叹一下,原来超级帅哥多在英国。。。- Andrew Cooper


正气儒雅 - 汪精卫


英气逼人 - 张灵甫


一棵小白杨

森林耶?草原耶?

早在高中的时候,同学间做过这个心理测试,对这一题的答案,基本是一边倒的形势,我就是那个倒错方向的:记得好像只有我和另外一个女同学形影相吊地倒在另一边。当时觉得挺难过的。最近又发现答案和当初的不一样。有点好奇不知道有没有同学愿意做一下,看看准不?

一边是绿茵茵的草地,另一边是黑森森的原始森林,你是往草地走,还是向森林走?

上几张收集的桌面片片,不知道会不会有人喜欢,点击再刷新可得清晰大图-