c'est la vie

天上掉下来个洛小包

2009-09-05T07:14:00.007-05:00

洛小包童鞋洋名Thorne，正牌主人是个很漂漂的MM，不过现在生病病得厉害，好长一段时间都不能照顾她的三只小猫了。无奈之中，请朋友寻找可以在这段时间内照顾他们的人。我没有养过猫，因为一直不确定自己是否能陪一只猫猫一辈子那么久，不过也曾经陆续从八卦之类的地方看了不少猫猫狗狗的帖子，发现自己对猫猫很有爱。于是，义从心底起，侠向胆边生，承诺暂时收养其中的一只，就是thorne啦。
　　
thorne刚来的那天是8月15，星期六，他的主人大热天抱了一大堆玩具。thorne比较害羞，我看他的第一眼角度是。。。一个很胖的屁股，然后还使劲往主人肩头挪那样。因为我有点唯美主义嘛，第一个念头竟然是。。。得给他减减肥。。。　　

Thorne的主人真的是很爱她的猫，不仅给我准备了一张感谢的卡片，热情地握着我的手时，还能看到她眼角闪烁的泪光，听得出声音里面的一丝颤抖。我顿时觉得肩膀上的这个担子哦，沉啊。
　　
虽然说Thorne这个名字蛮有气势，但是我还是很羡慕曾在论坛上看到的那么多可爱的名字。几经斟酌，我决定管他叫洛小包，小包就是包子脸，洛么，恩因为我觉得这个姓很好听很中国。。。入家随俗么。

看看小包是不是包子脸～

A good website for mental health information

2009-08-19T15:57:00.001-05:00

" At minimum, if your symptoms have been severe in the past, you should have some sort of a "safety net" if you’re going to stop the medications: a partner, or parent, or several close friends and a work acquaintance. Somehow there should be a group who’s going to easily notice if you’re "slipping", including someone who can take charge of getting you help, if you are not able to do so yourself. "

This is what I've been saying all along.

哀鸽

2009-07-22T04:02:00.002-05:00

记得十年前在这里的第一个感恩节，两个同学邀请我去吃饭。他们俩是男女朋友，比我高一界，女孩的父母过来看她，所以感恩节就在她的公寓过。女孩很会烹饪，大餐弄得像样极了，我也稀里糊涂地烧了个西红柿炒蛋和肉的东东带去，居然受到好评。吃完以后大家都很撑，女孩的爸爸红光满面，咕哝着说要出去走走才成，这个建议立刻被一致通过。我刚走出门，就听见女孩的妈妈惊喜地轻声叫了一声：oh, morning dove! 我定睛一看，路边的树底停着一只灰色的，细巧的小鸽子，很可爱的样子，一边想：晨鸽？多美的名字啊。这个美丽的名字，我记了十年。其实城市里最多的是原鸽（Rock Pigeon），本着爱鸟之人的原则，我也喜欢看它们。但是私底下，还是觉得“晨鸽”优雅漂亮多了。

在这个漆黑的夜晚我在无人的行道上走着，精疲力尽地要走10里才能到家。想起17年前一个冬天的午夜，被母亲又是一顿哭骂，外婆虐待她，父亲虐待她，我也虐待她。我总是那样相信别人说的话，我是那么深深地，真诚地自责着！我觉得自己坏得不可救药，只有让上天来收拾我了。于是大概表示了一下决心，就离开了家。我的想法很简单，就是走到最不安全的地方去，那样可能会有不幸的事情发生，那么，附近的那条河就可以名正言顺地成为我的归宿了。没人相信我真的是这么想的，虽然我那么相信别人。当然，这个愿望没有实现，因为有个路过的退休老工人看见了我，很不放心地坚持着送我一路回了家。小孩子内心的伤痛是很容易恢复的，我还是和过去一样对未来充满希望，对光明和真理充满信任。不过我们都不知道，那些伤痕，其实是被埋起来了，并没有消失。某年某月，因为某个原因，同样的心情可能还会再现。

就象现在，我得使劲压抑着再次熊熊燃烧起来的绝望，和期待什么糟糕事情发生好一了百了的念头。上星期才答应过一个朋友以后再不这样了，但是我狡猾地用了"I'll try..."，因为我知道，还会有反复，总会有反复。当然，我的考虑比过去缜密多了，小河绝不是什么理想的葬身之地。因为，那个什么会浮起来！就算吓不到花花草草，恶心警察叔叔也叫人不好意思。然后看见路边一棵大树下有个掉下来的鸟巢，应该是小鸟的爸爸妈妈费了一番工夫做出来的，很是精致可爱。鸟巢上孤零零地伫着一个小鸟蛋。我犹豫了半天，还是很小心地拿起鸟巢，把它放到离人行道更远的地方去。不知道是什么鸟，不知道会发生什么。或许，那只小鸟不会来到这个世界。对它来说，是好是坏，谁又说得清楚呢。

大概刚刚下过雨，草地感觉湿湿的，偶尔在水泥地的缝隙旁边看到密密麻麻生生不息的小强，嫩嫩的草地上长出一两只怪漂亮的小蘑菇。心里酸酸的，沉沉的，可也不知道为什么会这样。走了一大半的时候，有辆公车从后面开过，司机大概是想提醒我上车，按了几声喇叭。我低下头，往旁边绕了几步，这喇叭声让泪水一下子涌出来，我一边哭着，一边穿过马路，直看着公车消失在前方。

大概两个月前，心血来潮想贴贴“晨鸽”的图片，一google，才发现当初我错会了同学妈妈的，她说的是"mourning dove"，一模一样的读音，意思却有着天壤之别。这种鸽子的中文名字，叫做哀鸽，因为它的叫声，好像哀鸣一样。这我也见证了，就是两三天前吧，听见头顶飞过一阵呜咽的鸣声，很不好听，先以为是乌鸦，但是又比乌鸦的声音凄厉哀怨。抬头一看，正是哀鸽。这个误会，我错了十年。幸福的人生，应该是错一辈子。

那个女同学的父亲，在第二年的春天就心脏病突发去世。她和她的男友，本来是人人羡慕的一对，几年后也分手了。前段时间在facebook上碰到那个当年的男孩，已经是哈佛的教授，很成功，但是没看到有什么家庭方面的信息。而女孩，我在抑郁的几年里错过了一次和她联系的机会，现在，怎么也联系不上了。

或许这就是生活的一幅画面，天上飞过哀鸣的鸽子，地上走着哭泣的小孩。当然，鸽子的叫声其实并不代表它的心情，而长不大的小孩，又了解多少生活的含义呢。

云端里的小岛

2009-07-17T22:03:00.004-05:00

最近忙着游泳，偶尔生下闲气，日子倒也过得飞快。和过去一样，两周多过量的运动（每天一英里，周末四英里）又让我彻底趴了两天，就是迷迷糊糊昏沉沉只知道睡觉，时不时攒足精神睁开眼，挣扎着爬起来使劲吃啊吃，然后再昏迷。。。不过除此之外，这回并没有其它的症状，而且，好像也没有又陷入下一轮抑郁呢。So开开心心上完一天班，风风火火赶回家，胡乱收拾了个小包，铆足了劲儿跳上公车，又去游泳啦！呃，没时间吃饭，下了水之后晕晕的，又想着要在天黑之前赶回来，所以只游了半英里，小爽爽，怡怡情。

从健身房出来的时候大概八点多，这个时段公车很不稳定，早就打定主意用走的。没几步，就惊觉这个傍晚和平常不同，非常不同。一般H市的夏天，炽烈了一天的太阳即使在西沉在即的时刻，仍然透着火辣的味道。打在胳膊上，虽说不象白天那样生疼，可也竟和干桑拿室的感觉仿佛。常常是埋头匆匆走路，一任影子越拉越长。但是这个黄昏随和得多，因为多云了一整天，气温并不太高。透过云层的霞光，泛着一种很温暖的黄颜色，使得路边草地上绿的小草格外鲜绿。纵然其中夹杂不少大概因为炎热而干枯了的伙伴，却一点也不伤感，只觉得色彩更加清晰丰富，细嫩的绿色更加可贵。

走在奇异的光芒里，新鲜惊喜的感觉挥之不去，好像走在一个不真实的世界里，踏着明亮四下看看，影子不知所踪。慢慢地觉得是个布景，当然比那个鬼气森森的红雷梦布景大气得多，可爱得多，是比较正常的戏台那样。我挎着包，一路看花，红的白的，都能分辨出来。我们的彩色视觉，就是这么强大！

抬头看天。乍一望去，第一个反应：这图是P过的吧？！天空上一层层一块块的云朵，温柔地现出粉红，橘黄的颜色，温柔得那么朦胧奇妙，如果不是在我头顶铺满苍穹，真是打死我也不相信这是真的云彩，P的，绝对是P的，而且是任斯璐类的高手P的！记得小学时学过一篇课文叫火烧云的，当时读得蛮激动。如今万水千山走了二十多年，看到过那么多个美丽寂寞的黄昏，却始终没有搞清楚到底什么样的晚霞才是火烧云。云就是云，光彩流溢，随心所欲，并不因为象什么而增色，每一种形状都是独特的。何况今天的云霞，太柔情，不似燃烧的爱情，只象母亲的目光。所以，应该还是不算火烧云吧。

索性站住转着圈看云，东边还有着阴郁的暗灰色，郑重停着宛如雨后初现的一缕白云。再往西去，一片片粉红起来，柔和起来，明亮起来，偶尔透出一小条蓝天，也迷糊地朦胧着，有的地方沾染了红色，变成活泼的紫色。离看不见的夕阳最近的地方，是灿烂的橘红，承诺着明天。那样的美没有办法用言语来形容，我只能干巴巴地说：震人心魄。震得我屏住了呼吸。不知道马路上匆匆来往的车辆有没有看见我呆傻傻的样子，有没有人透过车窗也看看天空。

然后我看到了那座小岛。在西边的天上，暗灰的颜色，和周围的色彩比较起来不大和谐。可是不需要发挥任何想像，那就是一座小岛。远处近处长满了树，左边有个小小的城堡，另一端依稀两三个茅屋，我想宫崎峻一定一定曾经看到过这座小岛。小岛静静地漂浮着，好像对未来胸有成竹，或者它根本不需要未来，因为它自己就是个梦。不远处一座玻璃墙的高楼，对环境来说是坏蛋，在这一刻倒也是个有才华的视觉艺术家，天空的颜色铺上蓝绿的画布，添了别样的风韵。但是小岛不在这幅画上，是艺术家忽略了它也好，是它高傲地隐遁了也好，其实又有什么分别呢？

我被这不可思议的一切震惊感动着，一边等高速的绿灯一边仰着脖子看一半灰蓝一半淡红的天空。好容易等到绿灯，因为路面很宽，就跑起来，一口气跑到对面的人行道，沾沾自喜一下轻盈的脚步，再抬头时～晕了！难道是我跑出了满天云霞咩～～（今天刚刚瞻仰过曾MM的比赛视频，所以免不了用下咩～～字）？我们这个世界里温暖明亮的黄色光芒已经消失，天上层层的云朵也都成了暗灰的往事，只有最西边的两三片云还依依传递着夕阳的心意。向小岛的方向瞥了一眼，竟然好像还在，只是岛上的一切都隐去了，小岛也会很快不见的。因为早知道结果，所以没有遗憾，还笑了笑。

天空越来越暗，转个方向向东边走去的时候，前面的阴郁渐渐加重。但是让我惊喜的是，看见了好几次金色的闪电。离得太远，听不见雷声，也够不上壮烈的型号，可是那美丽的瞬间，一样成为我心里永恒的记忆。我想我不会去寻找那座云端里的小岛了，又或者，其实我一直，永远都在寻找它。

Moonwalking

2009-06-28T09:04:00.014-05:00

Death of a soap bubble (Pictures by Richard Heeks flickr links)

蓝天下，怀着梦想的肥皂泡

大都好物不坚牢

最后的瞬间

来处来，去处去

有的时候，心碎可以很平静

没有什么会永垂不朽

有人说，童年不幸福的人，会拒绝长大。是真的吗？这世界有多少人，每天，每个时刻，在每个角落，是我们所不了解的啊。从大家都能看到的舞台上，似乎，也许这是对的。什么又是童年的幸福？是安全的感觉，是被爱的信念吗？如果以为幸福过，可若干年后回首，却发现一切原来都是谎言呢？

Life is such a mélange, always have been, always will be.

不知所措的时候，什么才是让你安心的港湾？

The highest good is like that of water.

在这个炎热的，多事的夏天，在这个世界用最先进的科技注视星空的地方，月亮一如既往地沉默着。那里黑白分明，要么热情似火，要么冷胜寒冰。可是人却不能生存。

tbc

神奇的邻居

2009-06-09T21:50:00.002-05:00

最近火大得很，下午在邮件里狠狠发泄了对某合作伙伴的不满，晚上又因为银行账号的一笔小错帐冲着客服嚷嚷。事后冷静下来都挺后悔的，不过，我觉得自己可真也是越来越烂人一个了。天将黑时出去溜达，沉着个脸，不过回想起来值得欣慰的是碰到走过对我打招呼的陌生人我都还知道回报问候。

一个比较神奇的事情是，公寓门前两块很小很小的地不知不觉中发生了翻天，恩，是覆地的变化。首先，是那棵著名的小辣椒，我从来没有操过心但是却一直忠诚地开花结果，只是断断续续死掉一两个枝杈的，突然有一天，她不见了！消失了！再过几天，那片曾经生长过辣椒，接纳过小米营养品的土地上，冒出了N棵植物。有瘦弱的小竹枝，有纤细的小芦荟，有几株叫不出名字的东倒西歪的阔叶绿苗。到如今还依然坚挺着的只剩下植物界的小强－仙人掌！另一边的土地，一两年前不知从哪里飘来一种紫色的小野花，从此茁壮扎根，生生不息。长得快活的时候，有一人多高，弄的门口象个小野丛林。小米在里面打过盹，还有其它的小猫，也曾经把那当作天然休息室。后来在一个事儿奶奶的多次唠叨下，我满怀委屈花了五个小时把野花草们锄干净了。之所以要这么久，是那种野花的根惊人得深，盘结错综，难除极了。记得从中午一直弄到天黑，室友不肯干，又不好意思看我干，最后使劲劝说我不用锄得太干净。结果呢，就是“春风吹又生”了。我还挺高兴，瞧瞧人家生命的力量！但是今天早上出门，惊讶地发现小野花又不见了，泥土散发着朴实的气息。而且不知道是为了表达劳动者一种什么样的情绪，紧靠大门的地方悄悄竖起了一座小木头房子！我简直以为会有小精灵什么的住在里面了。但是小心地用脚碰一碰，很轻，也没有东西飞出来，就是曾有精灵，也应该已经离去了吧。

从感情上，我觉得这是一片神奇的土地。只是终归，从理智上，我大概是有着一些神奇的邻居。

Mouse steals food from African leopard

2009-06-06T01:36:00.004-05:00

Mouse steals food from African leopard - Telegraph

Whatever, I think this is cute

A somewhat eventful day

2009-06-03T20:14:00.003-05:00

I actually slept for about 6-7 hours for the first time in two weeks and was feeling a bit better this morning. Then when I walked out of my room, locking the door behind... I realized that I locked the keys in... yet again! Without my keys I can't even get out of the apartment complex. And I do want to be able to come back! I tried prying the lock with a Randall's card. But apparently I don't have the skills... I really need to go to work!! So I started kicking the door, as heavily as I could. After several rounds, while the door remained its stable silence, my roommate woke up and got out of his room... I have to admit he's got a lot more talent, coz within 3 minutes I got in. I didn't have time to say thanks for 50 times before I rushed out of the house.

Then it was the lunch with my former lab. The occasion was quite sentimental, at least I think so. But people were not showing it, including myself. Sentiments give way to stressed present and future, as always.

In the afternoon I was supposed to show a research professor how to use the notorious eye tracker. I thought it was just one person, maybe two, and the whole thing should take about half an hour. Well I was more careless than I should be, as often occurred lately. Five people showed up, which made me a bit nervous, but not too badly. I'm glad reading from the other eye turned out quite all right. Man it looks like I'm currently THE expert of ASL eye tracker... but the real fun part is... 恩，五个人里面有个是。。。帅哥，很大的那种帅哥。几个月前在系里聚会上就见过，现在好像胖了些，略略遗憾，不过还是帅得熠熠生辉，小爽了一把。

总而言之，从昨天开始，情绪开始好转了点，没有那么万念俱灰了，虽然还是挺难受的。而且，过去的几天，把一个好朋友是肯定给得罪了，然后把室友也给得罪了。呃。就这样吧。

Cute or funny gifs

2009-05-28T15:51:00.002-05:00

this is just so cool

Apple's 11 most intriguing computer designs

2009-05-26T16:33:00.004-05:00

Apple's 11 most intriguing computer designs - PC world

Sort of funny, PC world talks about mac

The first time I touched apple I hated it. That probably was in 1998, and the model, in retrospect, looked like Apple IIe. Compared to the PCs available around that time (or the sgi I was mostly using) , the old mac was rather sloooow, at least that was my impression - but it's very likely that those particular machines were not in good conditions.

My official time with mac started in 2004, when I went straight to OSX and objective C in Powerbook G4. Since then I've never seriously used PCs. I'm thinking, maybe I never will.

Things that help me lose my passion for Science

2009-05-23T22:55:00.006-05:00

Unbelievable, it's like you watch a tragedy in development, but can't do anything about it.
This is no joke - “My measure of success is that the International Olympic Committee bans everything we do", said Michael Goldblatt, DSO

And this crazy dude, cloning human in the name of science and treating infertility

I feel so sorry for the future real-life wolverines already.

搞笑QQ签名（转载）

2009-05-22T00:53:00.001-05:00

整理收集自此贴尊素人生百态啊～～

我的优点是：我很帅``但是我的缺点是：我帅的不明显。

幸福就是猫吃鱼狗吃肉，奥特曼打小怪兽！

...拿什么整死你我的爱人

收银员说：没零钱了找你两个塑料袋吧

我是胖人，不是粗人

别人装处，我只好装经验丰富

你吹灯，你们全家都吹灯！

挤公交是包含散打、瑜珈、柔道、平衡木等多种体育和健身项目于一体的综合性运动。

会计说~你晚点来领工资吧~我这没零钱~

人生就像拉屎，有时你已经很努力了，但是到头来却只是一个屁

难道太阳和月亮同房了吗？生下这种鬼天气

女人上了年纪就是妇女，哭闹是妇女的常规武器，沉默是妇女的化学武器，折腾着要自杀的是核武器~~

迅雷不及电驴之势

打自己的飞机让女人寂寞去吧

虽然你身上喷了古龙水, 但我还是能隐约闻到一股人渣味儿

钱不是问题，问题是没钱

士为知己者装死，女为悦己者整容

我这辈子只有两件事不会这也不会那也不会
　　
别和我谈理想，戒了
　　
没有人是一开始就很牛逼的，牛逼都是从傻逼变来的
　　
你让我滚我滚了你让我回来对不起滚远了

人家有的是背景.而我有的是背影

读博士就像A片，看的人爽，当事人不一定爽！

时光啊，还真就肉包子打狗了……
　　
以扯蛋旳态度、面对操蛋旳人生

你妈生你的时候是不是把人给扔了把胎盘养大？

我是天使回不去天堂是因为体重的原因

给我一个姑娘我能创造一个民族～

师兄，听说二师兄的肉比师父的还贵了？

女人拥有无数个QQ号只为了调戏一个男人，男人常用一个QQ号上面加满各种各样的女人……

生前何必久睡，死后自会长眠……

骗子太多，傻子明显不够用了~

世界上最悲哀的是就是。爱你的人和你爱的人。。。他们相爱了。

妈妈问我有男朋友了么我说没有妈妈说：这个可以有我说：这个真没有...>_<

我一朋友的：抽，是一种生活艺术；找抽，是一种生活态度

老板,钱对你来说真的就那么重要吗?讲了三个多小时了一分钱都不降?

决定减肥，做仰卧起坐，今天先仰卧，明天再起坐吧…

你有什么不开心的事，说出来让大家开心一下。

圆圆打了团团一巴掌，目前团团情绪稳定，没有提出回娘家的要求。

转眼之间，头发长了又要剪；转眼之间，离开的朋友后来又忽然出现，生命像一个圆圈

领着卖白菜的薪水，干着卖白粉的活。

变态的变的上半截，加上变态的态的下半截，就成了恋爱的恋。

如果有钱是一种错，我愿意一错再错

一种界于雷与囧之间的微妙感受

睡眠是一门艺术--谁也无法阻挡我追求艺术的脚步。

你要是嫁人，不要嫁给别人，一定要嫁给我，带着你的钱财，还有你的妹妹，开着那宝马来…

曾经，他说，他是一传统休闲食品加工行业的CEO，集市场调查、产品研发、宣传销售于一身，后来，才发现，就是一打爆米花的。

再过几十年，我们来相会，送到火葬场，全部烧成灰，你一堆，我一堆，谁也不认识谁，全部送到农村做化肥

谈钱伤感情谈感情伤钱。。。。

黑夜给了我黑色的眼圈！

世界是我们的，也是儿子们的，但最终是那帮孙子们的

Ocean the cradle

2009-05-14T13:51:00.029-05:00

1. 每次听到这支歌，都想哭。应该说，都会哭。。。but。。。也许以后不会啦。

2. Interesting article. I found it rather fascinating at first. But as I read on, the methodology just seems too far away from perfection. Not scientifically strict exactly, plus, the definition of success is ... kinda snobbish to me.
What Makes Us Happy?

3. random quotes that I sort of liked (from Criminal Minds :-):
la familia es todo
Je suis toujours ici pour toi, mon cher.
Beauty can cover a multitude of sins, but underneath we all look exactly the same.

4. After crying a few times listening to this song ..... I am

Free at last. I swear to life that no one can ever hurt me any more.

I still love the world, but only in a condescending way. What it can offer are too fake or too transient for me. Sure I will give to it everything that I can give. It's just that, my darlings, you don't deserve all my heart. Never.

05/21/09

Elasticgirl

2009-05-09T12:11:00.019-05:00

缩骨功耶？抑或缩毛功耶？

天涯八卦：818长相奇特的动物们

On a completely different note, ladies, go see "X-men Origins: Wolverine" if you haven't. You probably will like it! ;) :D

P.S. Watched X-Men I and noticed that Jackman didn't seem to be as muscular (or shall I say... "jacked") in that first movie, so I did a little bit search. Found this quite amusing post on a muscular development forum, I'd say, it reads sort of like ... tianya...

打开冰箱看见你

2009-05-07T11:51:00.003-05:00

呃，偶尔在天涯上看见一个帖子，内容是一个bloke满腔柔情地回忆他在大学里遇到的另一个bloke。后者很特别，简而言之一个字：帅！据说帅到连其宿舍床上的臭袜子都闪耀着光环－话说我还真想看看真人秀咧。不过这个帖子还没有回忆完就给封了，不知咋回事。其实，写帖子的bloke也比较特别，特别就特别在他的ID：打开冰箱你在里面。很多筒子纷纷在回帖中表达了楼主ID的惊悚效果，而我因为早已被天涯锻炼成为一名情绪稳定的围观群众，连一颗鸡皮疙瘩都没有诞生。不过后来再想想，如果持续柔情路线，这个ID还是蛮有味道的嘛。曾经有那么一段感情，冻结在冰箱里，每天饿了拉开冰箱门，哈there you are! 也许拉开冰箱的人已经老了，或者改变了许多，但是冰箱里面的那个，却和过去一模一样。是不是很妙啊？我琢磨着，这意境比“掀开锅盖你在里面”强多了。

转个话题，最近小巨人所在的火箭队大战湖人，出乎意料地客场赢了第一局。当然，这一大事件重要而深远的意义本来我是不知道的，主要是室友筒子是个篮球迷，就从来没见他这么激动过。做为篮球白痴的我，因为被这样的情绪感动了下下，顺口就想问问室友打篮球的时候打的是什么。但是这个问题我居然不知怎么问，第一遍偶素介么说滴：“那你打篮球的时候打的什么部分？” 本来表情略热烈的室友顿时一副囧呆了的样子，嘶哑着重复了一句：“部～分～？” 我急忙改口，“恩，你打篮球的时候打的什么角色？” 室友囧囧有气，声音拔高了三度，“角～色～？！” 最后经过虚心请教，原来应该是“位～置～”。呃。

I loved you once... by Alexander Pushkin

2009-05-05T16:28:00.006-05:00

Translated by D. Zhuravlev

I loved you; even now I may confess,
Some embers of my love their fire retain;
But do not let it cause you more distress,
I do not want to sadden you again.
Hopeless and tongue-tied, yet I loved you dearly
With pangs the jealous and the timid know;
So tenderly I loved you, so sincerely,
I pray God grant another love you so.

Another translation found here

I loved you once: perhaps that love has yet
To die down thoroughly within my soul;
But let it not dismay you any longer;
I have no wish to cause you any sorrow.
I loved you wordlessly, without a hope,
By shyness tortured, or by jealousy.
I loved you with such tenderness and candor
And pray God grants you to be loved that way again.

我爱过你
穆旦译

我爱过你：也许，这爱情的火焰
还没有完全在我心里止熄；
可是别让这爱情再使你忧烦－－
我不愿有什么引起你的悒郁。
我默默地，无望地爱着你，
有时苦于羞怯，又为嫉妒暗伤，
我爱得那么温存，那么专一；
啊，但愿别人爱你也是这样。

说明一下，其实一直没有很喜欢过这首诗。如果说有点喜欢，那也是喜欢前两句。中间表功似的幽幽诉说，和结尾的笔锋一转，OK that's it, now you're someone else's problem，总让我觉得。。。呃，这是您老的第几个啊？？

05/08/09 add one picture, more poetic than a poem, more illustrative about life than love.

My first official subject

2009-05-04T19:36:00.002-05:00

Thanks Michael! Thanks Krystle! You guys are awesome!

Sigh no more ladies

2009-05-02T20:00:00.013-05:00

Sigh no more, ladies, sigh no more

Sigh no more, ladies, sigh no more,

Men were deceivers ever;

One foot in sea and one on shore;

To one thing constant never.

Then sigh not so,

But let them go,

And be you blithe and bonny;

Converting all your sounds of woe

Into Hey nonny, nonny.

Sing no more ditties, sing no more,

Of dumps so dull and heavy;

The fraud of men was ever so

Since summer first was leafy.

Then sigh not so,

But let them go,

And be you blithe and bonny;

Converting all your sounds of woe

Into Hey nonny, nonny.

William Shakespeare

The happy ending

Prize-winning underwater photography 2009

2009-04-27T19:00:00.000-05:00

New Scientist: Snapper snaps: Prize-winning underwater photography

Very cute stuff.

比较《拉贝》:《南京》将再气死30万中国人（转载）

2009-04-27T18:54:00.002-05:00

比较《拉贝》:《南京》将再气死30万中国人 司馬平邦

看了《南京！南京！》和《拉贝日记》两部电影，

我深刻地觉得我们这个民族的悲哀不止是过去惨遭外族屠戮，

还在于70多年后我们仍然没有诚意和勇气还原那段被屠戮的历史真相，

无论是社会原因还是个人原因，

这种掩盖和矫情的表达都是令人羞愧不堪的，

南京大屠杀是一个巨得不能再巨的寄托了深重民族情感的公器事件，

个人的认知在此面前从来是渺小的，

只有那些不自量力的中国导演才会跃跃于此，欲图博个功名……

我觉得，中国真正健康的电影批评状态应该是这样：

影评人自由批评。

导演和主创坦然接受。

就是一部电影再次被民间骂成《色，戒》那样的汉奷电影，电影局也不应禁映和封杀之。

这样的氛围下，中国一定会出好电影。

·壹·

但现在，比如《南京！南京！》这样的电影，从技术上讲，确实算得上中国电影的进步代表，曹郁的摄影我尤其喜欢，音乐也不错，演员的表演也个个出彩——但仍也不能回避它的价值观有问题，我不知道这样的问题该安在导演头上，还是中国制片方甚至是电影审查机关的头上，《南京！南京！》能过审，而且还是“2009年建国60周年推荐影片”，可我在电影院看了两遍却一点儿也找不到它应成为“推荐影片”的原因，倒是觉得日本的电影审查机关应把它列为“推荐影片”——不过，话说回来，《南京！南京！》里的角川正雄现象，在日本全面侵华战争刚刚爆发不足半年（1937年7月7日卢沟桥事变起）就有日本兵在南京因为杀了中国人而自责地开枪自杀，这可能被日本人看成是对武士道精神的侮辱，有所谓的专家不是说，《南京！南京！》里所有的影像都是有当时的历史素材做依据吗？那我就想问问，角川自杀那个画面，历史上的依据在哪里？

确实有一些日本鬼子因为在南京和中国犯下太大罪行而自责甚至可能为了赎罪自杀的事，但有史可查的，全都是在战后，《东史郎日记》我也通篇读过，老头子确实在真心忏悔，但就是忏悔到东史郎的程度，他亦没有选择以自杀以向中国人民谢罪。

所以，角川正雄的自杀，实在是《南京！南京！》的一个大败笔，败到电影的价值取向出现了偏差。

所谓的普世或者普适价值，并不是指全世界只有一种价值观，而是互相尊重彼此的价值观，《南京！南京！》选择了一个以参战和参屠日本兵的视角展示那段大屠杀史实的电影方式，但那个日本兵的骨子里却流着中国人的迂腐、矫情和自恋的血，您拍屁股想想，如果《南京！南京！》里的角川可以成为一种侵华日军的典型，日本人能在其后中国呆上8年吗？恐怕8个月都呆不足吧。

·贰·

为此，在几天前另一部由德国人导演的《拉贝日记》的北师大首映会上，我曾问南京大学拉贝纪念馆的汤馆长，据其所知，在南京大屠杀的那个“血腥六周”里是不是真的有如角川正雄这样的日本鬼子，可以因杀中国而自责而自杀，汤馆长说“绝对没有发现”。

我的分析是这样，你看对不对：假如在南京大屠杀那段中确实有一个以自杀向中国人当场谢罪的角川正雄式人物，当时的日本军队也绝不会让这种“令帝国军人形象蒙羞”的事被记录下来的，一定会掩盖且来不及，所以，历史记载中就不可能有真正的角川，看过《南京！南京！》，我说，这其实正是陆川，是陆川亲身参加了南京大屠杀，借角川传达自己的感受罢了。

不过今天又听到一种说法，是《南京！南京！》里刘烨饰演的那个中国军人“陆剑雄”和“角川正雄”合起来才是“陆川”，合起来的名字正好是“陆川雄”，冥冥中有某种意会在，当然这是餐间戏谈，但确实挺有意思——那个反抗的陆川早早被屠杀，那个替日本人着想的陆川坚持到最后，自杀赎罪，些谓“雄”。

不如说是“熊”。

在熊包们的眼里，全世界只有大熊包和小熊包的区别，如是而已。

日本人实在是太他奶奶地拗了，抗日战争过去这么多年日本政府还是不认罪，所以，善于设身处地思维的中国人，就有陆导演这样的，跳出来替鬼子们赎罪，但你不知道，经过如此改写的角川正雄其实也侮辱了日本的武士道，日本人真的买你的帐吗？

所以，《南京！南京！》如果确说自己拍的是真历史，还是多多举证为要。

因为再精美的包装都包不住一段伪历史的丑陋，这是个大麻烦。

·叁·

从《南京！南京！》到《拉贝日记》，中国一时之间出了两部关于南京大屠杀的电影，这是个极有意思的现象，我们无法不对两部电影进行一番对比，而对大众来说，这甚至是一部系列电影的两集，华谊兄弟的老板王中磊的说法颇有代表性，他是《拉贝日记》的投资人，但他还是希望《南京！南京！》拿到高票房，因为导演是中国人，他希望中国导演赢。

民族情感总是人人有之，我也一样。

但看了两部电影，我相信这种朴素的民族情感未必得到满足，因为你会发现关于南京大屠杀的看了《南京！南京！》和《拉贝日记》两部正确答案（A，Answer）基本都存在于《拉贝日记》里，而《南京！南京！》的作用只是：1.提出问题（Q，Question）；2.给出的是伪答案。

比如，《南京！南京！》的宣传里动不动就说的“抵抗”，但我看了两遍《南京！南京！》，也没找多少抵抗的影子，那股了国民党兵的抵抗在电影开始30分钟就被消灭了，后来最大的抵抗就是拉贝管理的安全区里竞选“志愿妓女”去给日本人慰安，慰安过程里是不是有“抵抗”，电影没有交待，可能也拍了，又被剪了，哎，中国的电影审查制度啊。

《拉贝日记》里其实也鲜少有中国人对日军的抵抗，但有一个情节我是欣赏的，金陵女子大学的学生琅书（张静初饰）的弟弟在姐姐被两个日本人扑倒的一瞬开枪打死了这两个鬼子，而在真正的历史记载中，当时蒋介石的军队在日本军队占领南京后的抵抗确实是微乎其微的，溃逃得厉害，零星的抵抗也只可能来自于民间，琅书弟弟的这项“壮举”说不上完全来自历史，但却充满了合理性。

所以说，让“抵抗”成为某部南京大屠杀电影的一个主题本身就是个伪命题，如果真有抵抗，哪里有30多万中国人被屠杀掉，而据我所知，日本军队制造南京大屠杀的3个充足理由是：1.之前的松沪会战中国军队的抵抗太强烈，日本人要报复，2.国民党军队在南京的抵抗太弱了，3.中国民间的抵抗并没有因官方的放弃而停止；因此日本军队是想借一次大屠杀彻底慑服中国政府、中国军队和中国人民。

而不是像《南京！南京！》表现的那样首先是日本士兵被几个中国人的死慑服了。

所以，关于“抵抗”这个Q，《南京！南京！》给出的A是虚弱的，而《拉贝日记》给出的A还是令人信服的。

·肆·

约翰·拉贝（John H. D. Rabe），一个前纳粹党的党员，也说是西门子公司在南京的领导人（掌握着南京的电力系统），也有说他是纳粹党驻南京的总代表，他在南京大屠杀里到底救了或者保护了多少中国人，这是《南京！南京！》提出的又一个大Q。

《南京！南京！》明显是贬低拉贝的作用和能力的，比如，虽然电影中表“国际安全区”是拉贝领导的，但他其实只在1938年2月离开南京时，捎带救走了秘书唐先生的老婆唐周氏和一个贪生怕死的国民党军官（形象很委琐），拉贝临离开安全区时向里面的中国人下跪，虽然拍得悲壮，但不能否认陆川是在暗表拉贝把安全区里的所有中国人留在了日本从的屠刀下，之后连拉贝的那个做了汉奷的秘书唐先生（范伟饰）也被日本军官伊田枪毙，唐先生的死是不是可以理解成陆川的又一个隐喻，即当了汉奷的人都被日本从杀了，其它没当汉奷的中国人有可能幸免吗？

从这个意义上说，陆川用电影是否定了约翰·拉贝，或者揭示说，拉贝只救了两个中国人，而已。

当然，救一人就是救全世界。

《拉贝日记》是德国人拍的电影，电影最后同样不能回避拉贝于1938年2月回国这一史实，但它给“拉贝回国”做了如下交待：1.在拉贝的保护下，国际安全区里有20万中国人免遭日军杀戮，而拉贝先生是在各国使馆相继回到南京之时离开南京的，那时日军大规模的屠杀（即“血腥六周”）结束了，新的屠杀不可能在诸国外交官的众目睽睽下完成的，当然，在拉贝先生离开南京之后，原生活在安全区保护下的中国人是不是也有被日本人杀害的，这是电影没有表的，因为电影的名字就是《拉贝日记》嘛。

为此问题，我向南京大学拉贝纪念馆的汤馆长提问：拉贝在南京到底救了多少中国人？汤馆长当场向我出示了几份证据，一份是有602个中国人签名的关于拉贝相救的证明材料，还有一份是拉贝将要离开时，南京20多座难民营（估计都位于“国际安全区”内）管理者的挽留书，这20多座难民营共安置了大约20万中国难民。

也就是说，拉贝先生确实是救了中国人的，而且比当年的辛德勒救的德国人要多得多。

《辛德勒的名单》是犹太人斯皮尔伯格为了向二战时拯救了1000多名犹太人的辛德勒表示感恩而拍摄的电影，因为史实中他确实就救了那么多犹太人，但在《南京！南京！》里，虽然出现了拉贝，但陆川的电影语言客观上否定了拉贝先生当年对中国人的搭救，作为一个中国人，我实在为这种不知感恩的行为感到脸上热辣辣的。

或者，如果《南京！南京！》的创作者们的祖上确实和拉贝有仇隙，你在电影里回避拉贝也就罢了，既然现在你的电影里有他，就一定要表示感恩，否则就太没良心了。

我相信德国人拍的《拉贝日记》同样会有“拉贝视角”的倾向，但就像《辛德勒名单》是犹太人拍的而不是德国人拍的一样，在这件事里的中国人，被人家拯救了成千上万，哪里还有高高在上取否定和回避视角的资格呢？

这下可好，明明是日本人制造了南京大屠杀，《南京！南京！》却讴歌了一个因为枪杀了一个中国人而自杀的日本士兵的人性，却否定了一个拯救过成千上万中国人生命的德国人，情可以堪？

·伍·

另外，关于约翰·拉贝在南京大屠杀里的拯救作用，《南京！南京！》和《拉贝日记》还有一个巨大的技术性的差异：

在《南京！南京！》里，拉贝的身份是模糊的，低级的，他曾对几个日本兵说要见“他们的将军”还遭到日本兵的嘲笑，他只是一个有纳粹身份可以自保的德国人，拉贝的“国际安全区”一直在和伊田和角川这样的中下级日本军官打交道；而在《拉贝日记》里，拉贝打交道的对象是香川照之所饰的朝香宫鸠彦，一个当时可以左右南京城里所有人生与死的日本皇族，日本占领军总司令，以及与朝香宫鸠彦差不多同级别的日本军官——据史学家说，德国人约翰·拉贝在日军占领南京之后的政治身份之一相当于“南京市长”，前中国市长将这个职务移交给了拉贝，这个身份是由他牵头的“国际安全区”可以尽量免受日本侵占的主要摧残之一，而在《南京！南京！》里，拉贝惟一可以倚侍的就是一纳粹党员的身份。

《南京！南京！》如此压低拉贝的身份是不是与电影最终贬低拉贝的拯救作用相通呢？

我个人很欣赏《拉贝日记》开场不久，拉贝用一面巨大的纳粹党旗遮掩了大量中国难民使他们免受日军轰炸之害的情节，据史实，其实当时拉贝把当时他居住的西门子公司的办公地也全部遮盖在纳粹党旗之下，以保护里面的中国人——这一情节似乎在教育那些只知“人性”而不知其它的当代中国人，“国家”和“人性”其实是两个层面的东西，这两个东西时有交叉时有平行，“纳粹”对德国和欧洲人来说可能是个坏透了的词，但它仍然对中国人做过一些好事（比如抗战之初德国对中国的援助），绝对的好和绝对的坏是没有的，而我们要记住的是一切“国家”、“主义”、“政治”里的真正的人性的光华。

所以，我把这个情节列为2009年自己眼里中国电影最伟大的镜头。

·陸·

关于南京大屠杀，其“屠杀”之极状是著名的“百人斩事件”。虽然惨烈至极，作为中国人都难于平静接受，但我一直认为中国导演有义务揭露日本鬼子当时做的这项灭绝人性的反人类罪行，这也曾是我对陆川的《南京！南京！》的期待。

百人斩，史载，指1937年11月底至12月10日，在上海向南京进攻途中直至南京大屠杀前夕，两名日本军官向井敏明少尉和野田毅少尉以谁先杀满100个中国人为胜的竞赛。最后向井敏明以斩杀106人胜过斩杀105人的野田毅。后经南京军事法庭查明审判，两人均承认控罪，于1948年1月28日在南京中华门外雨花台刑场被执行枪决。

据《东京日日新闻》于1937年12月13日（南京大屠杀开始后第二天）刊登的消息：以南京为目标的“百人斩竞赛”这样少见竞争的参与者片桐部队的勇士向井敏明、野田毅两少尉，在10日的紫金山攻略战中的对战成绩为106对105。10日中午，两个少尉拿着刀刃残缺不全的日本刀见面了。

野田说：“喂，我斩了105了，你呢？”向井说：“我106了！”……两少尉：“啊哈哈哈……”结果是谁先砍了100人都不去问了，△平手游戏吧，再重新砍150怎么样”。两人的意见一致了，11日（南京大屠杀开始之日）起，150人斩的竞争就要开始了。11日中午在接近中山陵的紫金山追杀残兵败将的向井少尉谈了“百人斩平手游戏”的结局……

但《南京！南京！》里没有百人斩。

而《拉贝日记》里有。

《拉贝日记》里，拉贝的司机老张因得罪日军军官，被拖到一隐蔽处砍了头，拉贝追踪而去，从木栅的缝隙里看到了被日军砍掉的堆如小山的中国人的头颅，其中就有老张的，电影并没有直接说那刽子手就是“井敏明、野田毅两少尉”，但明明是导演想用一种方式重现当时确实存在的这段史实，或者因为这样惨绝人寰的杀戮在被德国人所熟知的纳粹“杀人史”上也不多见吧。

我觉得有必要为德国导演兼编剧傅瑞安·加伦伯特如此诚意地揭示了这段日军对中国人民的屠杀史而向其由衷致敬，这本该是陆川该做的。

而他却过多地表现了强奷。

因为每一个拿南京大屠杀这段历史作素材的中国人，你们都有义务表现它，并加以控诉之，这是作为中国人的责任。

在这件事上，《南京！南京！》的A是零分，而《拉贝日记》的A是满分。

·柒·

《南京！南京！》对日军暴行的控诉，最出彩的地方是日军对中国妇女（以及日本妇女）的迫害，即强奷或性暴力。电影也一直以“裸女”做噱头来吸引观众，据说在最早的剧本里，饰演姜老师的高圆圆也是被强奷了的，但高看过电影的拍摄方式说什么也不同意拍。

不过《南京！南京！》虽然以展示日军对中国妇女的强暴控诉了日本军，但，一来，陆川的本意并不直接是控诉日本军队，而是“战争”本身，因为片中被角川爱上的日本慰安妇百合子最后也死在慰安营了，女受害者国籍的“国际化”一下子淡化了电影对日本军队的直接批判；二来，电影中两个女人，即姜老师和由姚笛饰演的唐小妹（周晓燕）的死却完全出于日本鬼子角川和伊田对中国妇女的“同情”，角川在姜老师行将被日军拖出去强奷的时候对她的脑袋开了一枪，我亦很不理解角川不但没有因此“违反军令”的行为而受到处分，还能继续最后将一老一少两个中国军人救出南京（角川救的中国人不少于拉贝），而唐小妹被伊田枪杀后，伊田说“她很漂亮，与其这样还不如死了好”，他奶奶的，当年那些在南京强奷并杀害了中国女人的日本军人是不是都这么有爱心？既然他们如此有爱心为什么又干了那么多伤天害理的事呢？

这句“他奶奶的”，我不是在骂日本人！

明明，杀人就是杀人，但在《南京！南京！》里，“杀人”被变成了日本军人有人性和良知的证明，而这种心思居然来自中国电影工作者的创作，杀了你，是因为爱你，因为同情你，所以我崇高，所以我有人性。

一位哈尔滨的哥们儿看完电影给我发来短信：

南京大屠杀已经杀死了30万中国人，《南京！南京！》将再气死30万中国人！

我无话可说。

·捌·

关于《拉贝日记》的另一个贡献——文章写到现在，已经不是在探讨两部电影的优劣，而是谈另一部电影的贡献了——是重现了曾经逃脱战后审判的日本皇族战犯朝香宫鸠彦的罪行。

朝香宫鸠彦（1887—1981）在《拉贝日记》里由参演《鬼子来了》的日本演员香川照之饰演，他也叫朝香宫亲王，日本天皇裕仁的叔父。久迩宫朝彦亲王第八子。他1937年12月2日被任命为上海派遣军司令，中将，12月7日朝香宫鸠彦赶到南京前线，不日即签署了密令：“杀掉全部俘虏！”他还指令下属改变侵华日军华中方面军总司令松井石根原命令，让所有日军入城，自行安排住宿，使大屠杀及各种暴行进一步扩大。此后，朝香宫鸠彦又陆续发布了一系列的杀人命令，最简单而直接的只有4个字“全部杀掉”，直接导致了日军进城后令人发指的兽行。电影，我深刻地觉得我们这个民族的悲哀日军攻占南京时日本最高统帅部的策略就通过残酷地打击南京，来瓦解中国人民抗日斗志，迫蒋投降，朝香宫鸠彦忠实地传达并实施了这一策略精神。战后朝香宫鸠彦凭借他皇室成员的特殊身份逃脱了惩罚，后来还成为“日本高尔夫球俱乐部”的会长。

《拉贝日记》，是历史上第一部直接揭露了朝香宫鸠彦的战犯身份的大屠杀电影，让伪善的日本皇族在侵华历史上的罪行得以直接展现，这样的视角其实已经大大突破了那些被外交关系、政治利益所紧紧困扰的历史和现实的局限，也说明从前关于南京大屠杀的中国电影的“控诉”力量还远远不够。

我不知道《南京！南京！》的主创们是不是研究过这种历史，是不是有这样的责任感将如“朝香宫鸠彦之罪”在内的一个又一个被尘封的日军暴行更多地还原于世，还是想以一个某种“原谅”或者“和谐”的理由大而化之，借70多年前30万被害同胞冤魂的酒杯浇自己的心中的块垒？

或者只是无知而已。

·玖·

还是文章开头说的那句话：就是中国民间再次把一部电影如《南京！南京！》骂成《色，戒》那样的汉奷电影，电影局也不应禁映和封杀之，有了这样的宽容度才会有健康的中国电影生长环境。

不过，据说《拉贝日记》的最后字幕，德文版上有一段话的原意是“南京大屠杀至今仍然不为日本政府所承认”，译为给中国人看的中文版时就必须改成“南京大屠杀到今仍然不为日本右翼势力所承认”，修改的本意据说是现在为了“中日关系”需要。

其实，越是掩善真相的的“国际关系”和“历史问题”越是会引起更大的现实反弹，就像疖子长得越大就越接近出头一样的道理。

我不懂德语，结尾处是不是这样不能肯定，懂德语的朋友，可以对照中德两个版本的《拉贝日记》自己寻找那个A。

PS：刚才看到一个关于《南京！南京！》的影评，作者说最感动的情节居然是刘烨和他的战友在被枪杀之前高呼“中国不会亡”，中国在拥有了核武器和强大的军事力量的现在，中国人仍然停留在只会高呼“中国不会亡”的悲壮里，而甘愿以任人宰割为崇高，并无半点儿愤怒与复仇的狂野，这是种多么自轻自贱的民族品性，说实话，那个情节甚至让我想冷笑。

司馬平邦

搞笑口误集锦（转载）

2009-04-20T19:54:00.003-05:00

收集转载自天涯社区

　　球场上，一个MM大喊：我从来没有见过跑的这么胖的快子

　　一女孩参加钢琴比赛，因为紧张，报幕时说：“评委好~~~我~我叫小奏鸣曲~~~我~我演奏的曲目是~马晓芳~~~”

　　初中班主任说:“你们看看,隔壁班的同学去厕所的路上都在讨论数学题,你们去厕所干什么呢?”问得全班……

　　有一次，我给一个姓周的经理办公室打电话，电话接通后，我脱口而出：“你好！我找周总理！”

　　舍友A脸上长疙瘩，吃饭的时候点的宫保鸡丁，A说不想吃，因为脸上长了很多辣椒，舍友B马上说没事，这疙瘩吃起来不辣

　　我跟新介绍认识的IT男第二次约会,没话找话,问:你们同事间休息时都打kiss吗?实际我是想问打CS吗.对方快晕了

　　呵呵，我也给大家来一个经典的好了，一次我们班女生去食堂打饭，看到了煎蛋，因为是拿油煎的，可能是我们海南这边唱说拿油炸吧。那女生跟打菜的说：“阿姨，给我一个炸蛋。"

　　当年超女海选，一个打扮入时的女生一进去就对着评委老师唱道：“小城事故多……”·#￥%……

　　我们那有种水果叫伊丽莎白瓜，有一次去买冲着老板大喊“老板莎士比亚多钱一斤”...囧

　　小学时有篇课文叫《我的战友邱少云》，老师叫我的好朋友起来朗读，她站起来拿起课本充满感情的大声读到：我的战友郑少秋~

　　笑喷了。我也贡献一个不是很好笑的。小时候老妈急着带我们出门做客，大叫着让我和我姐“快点把头换一下衣服梳一下！！！”

　　看有个歌手的视频,在拍MV,导演说你那眼神不行,要拿出杀人的眼神才好.
　　这位歌手说:导演,我好久..没杀人了...

　　我妈公司雪灾的时候搞过一个赈灾捐款晚会她的部门准备的节目是合唱《我们都是一家人》大家站好后部门领导说：我们要表演的节目是：合唱《我们一家都是人》。。。。

　　超市买菌子，有很多口味，鸡肉牛肉，我跟朋友说我要试试这个大腿味的．．．人超市服务员全看着我，再一看，火腿！

　　童鞋和她童鞋穿马路。。
　　童鞋闯红灯。。
　　她童鞋大惊道。。某某，那么红的红灯你也敢闯啊。。

　　在学校的时候食堂卖状元饼很好吃
　　有一天和同学去买那同学冲着卖饼的大妈大喊一声来俩壮阳并

　　上个礼拜的，老妈老爸看电视调台正好看到某台正在播放连续剧，右下角有片名，老妈顺口念了出来“酒港深深？？”，一旁的老爸缓缓念道：“烟卷深深”，我定睛一看“酒巷深深”。。。。。
　　
　　去年的，有人带过来一包新疆的干果“巴达木”，老爸不爱吃，直接扔给我“这些萨达姆你都吃了吧”。。。。。。。。

最后，上全贴亮点：

　　不记得身边的了，就记得《鉴宝》那女主持：　　
　　坐在第一排的这位先生请把你的宝贝亮出来给大家看一看~~~

再补充一个囧囧有神的梦，实在太强大了：

『娱乐八卦』 [八卦江湖]活了20几年，终于让我梦见到男明星了，但没想到居然是这么天雷的剧情。。。

作者：滨崎步口交奥巴马提交日期：2009-4-2 11:50:00 访问：10996 回复：116
昨天晚上，我终于做了我人生中第一个有男明星出现的梦。
　　
　　但这个绝对不是春梦。。。而是个雷梦。。。雷得我在梦中浑身抽搐而醒。。。
　　
　　
　　
　　
　　我梦到清明节我要回家扫墓，老爸就开车来学校接我回家。
　　
　　一路上，老爸都不说话，眉头紧锁心事重重的样子。我就问他怎么了，是不是家里发生了什么事情？
　　
　　他想了很久，终于告诉我说，原来我还有一个亲生哥哥，但他在我出生之前就被人贩子拐走，后来就找不到了。但是前几天他又突然出现了，回到家里找到老爸老妈，并且现在还暂时住在家里。
　　
　　我听到之后吓了一大跳，老爸老妈从来都没跟我提过这种事，于是就很想快点回到家看看他。
　　
　　到了家后是老妈开的门，她一见我就兴冲冲的说，哥哥在厨房里帮忙呢，快点去和他打个招呼。
　　
　　我也兴冲冲的冲到厨房，看到一个穿着西装的年轻小伙子正背对着我，拿着一台相机在给抽油烟机拍照。。。
　　
　　我喊了他一声，他转过身来。。。
　　
　　
　　
　　
　　
　　
　　
　　是陈冠希。。。
　　
　　
　　
　　
　　
　　
　　
　　我当场石化。。。天啊！！！陈冠希居然是我的亲生哥哥！！！我整个人惊讶的呆在那里不知所措。
　　
　　陈冠希伸出手来和我握了一下手，举起手中的相机问我，要不要一起拍张照？我老妈在一旁像青楼的老鸨似的，一个劲的说要的要的快拍快拍。然后我就一边石化一边和陈冠希拍了张照片。。。
　　
　　拍完之后，我们一家四口就在厨房里套近乎话家常，聊了些什么我现在都忘了，不过有两句我记得很清楚。。。
　　
　　陈冠希对我说：“妹妹你长得真漂亮呀！”
　　我回答：“哪里哪里，老爸老妈都把优良基因全给了你了，看你长得多帅啊！”
　　
　　。。。= =
　　
　　
　　
　　
　　聊着聊着，门铃突然响了，老妈对我说，一定是你嫂子买酱油回来了，快去给她开门。
　　
　　我五雷轰顶。。。天啊！陈冠希居然结婚了？！于是我立刻飞奔去客厅开门。
　　
　　门打开，外面站着的人是。。。
　　
　　
　　
　　
　　
　　
　　
　　
　　
　　
　　
　　
　　
　　
　　
　　
　　
　　吴孟达
　　
　　（然后我就惊醒了。。。= =）

小米

2009-04-20T10:58:00.004-05:00

我曾经以为，所有快乐的故事，都会有一个快乐的结局，就好像小米，那样可爱温顺的性格，应该是得到所有人的宠爱的。我还挺羡慕他的生活，又自由，又有爱。不止一次想过要收养他，可是第一小区里大家都很喜欢他，第二，一直对自己的未来不确定。而我总以为，如果我要养一只猫猫或狗狗，我就一定会陪它一辈子。

最近很长一段时间都没看到小米，而且不只是小米，小区曾经巨多的流浪猫猫都几乎看不见了。我总是想是被什么人收养了吧，还觉得小米一定正幸福着。偶尔看见，打个招呼就好。但是今天早上，我意外地发现了小米，背对着我。我赶紧叫：小米，小米！以前赶都赶不走的小米，却象受了惊吓似的，慌不迭走得远了些。我跟过去，他始终不让我靠近。他的叫声，也不象过去那样甜蜜娇憨，而是夹杂了痛苦和怀疑。仔细一看，他的一只耳朵附近好像破了一块，露出鲜红的肉。再一瞧，怎么走起路来有些一瘸一拐的，右脚似乎断了！我不知道小米曾经有过什么样的遭遇，但我猜和人有关。在附近曾经的猫群里，小米的体格和力气都占优势，而且，他对人的态度变化如此巨大，让我不能不想到他可能是受了人的伤害。小米躲在一辆汽车的后面，而我也只好先上班去了。

我决定要收养小米。虽然不知道什么时候才能找到他，但我要治好他的伤。我们会相互陪伴。如果有一天我不得不离开这片大陆或者这个世界，相信一定能找到一个喜欢猫猫的可以信赖的朋友，把小米托付给她（他）。因为小米，我希望你不要抱着怨恨和悲伤度过以后的生活。

还有，过去曾有两只好小只的猫猫，一只我在可以救它的时候没有救它，想要救它的时候已经太迟了；另外一只，长得好象王小猴的，吃过我做的拌饭，后来我才知道猫猫是不能吃很油的东西的，而且，不久以后就再也没有看见它。我总是安慰自己说它可能被人收养了，但是也许是我的拌饭。。。我很后悔。希望，对于小米，我可以不留下悔恨。

王小猴的幸福生活（转载）

2009-04-19T22:21:00.002-05:00

八卦看到的，这个大概才满月的小东西站在一家楼梯口可怜兮兮的叫，被好心的“王小猴他爹”给收养了，从此过上幸福生活！头三顿吃饭小猴用抢的，后来就知道“优雅”了。而且还很乖，就是喜欢挤枕头睡。

我觉得小猴长得实在是太可爱了，转些片片（原贴不知为什么给删了？）

After the storm

2009-04-18T19:19:00.007-05:00

Just a note: the first pic is actually water in the gutter. Isn't water just fantastic?

In Memory of 2008 Sichuan Earthquake

2009-04-16T02:06:00.011-05:00

It will be one year from the 2008 Sichuan Earthquake in a about a month. I made this slide movie in memory of the departed and perhaps as an inspiration for the living. All the original pictures were collected from the internet, distributed by various Chinese sources. If there is any problem, please let me know immediately.

Another web address for the English version:

中文版：
原始图片来源于互联网。如有问题，请和本人联系。
愿逝者安息，生者坚强！

上传到土豆的: 汶川地震周年纪念

上传到Blogger的中文版：

Christian the lion

2009-04-11T00:38:00.005-05:00

The incredible story of Christian the lion, of an extraordinary friendship that endured time and surpassed the boundary of species.

Christian, the lion who lived in my London living room

A youtube video slightly twisted in a good way:

The ending of the documentary "Christian the lion". I believe the narrator was the leading actress Virginia McKenna in the movie "Born Free"?
Christian the lion - Full ending

More links:
Wikipedia Christian the lion
Wikipedia George Adamson

这个故事是逛八卦的时候在回帖里发现的（好强大！），总之就是两个英国青年养了一只小狮子，起名基督徒（类比一下大概相当于我们这边“来福”这样的名字？），一年后小狮子变大狮子没法继续养了，就通过别人的帮助对基督徒进行野外生存训练，然后让他回归自然。又过了一年，俩人思念基督徒了，就千里迢迢跑到非洲去探望。当年的小基督徒现在已经是一个狮群的头头了哦！他们还有点担心当了领导的基督徒会不认识他们了。但是！看视频吧，什么都表说了，反正我的眼泪是下来了。那个回帖里哭的不少。
那个帮助基督徒回归自然的人，George Adamson，也是一个传奇人物。他就是电影"Born Free"中男主的原型，野生动物保护的先驱，作家。可以说把毕生的经历都献给了肯尼亚的野生动物。1989年83岁高龄的George为了救援被索马里强盗袭击的游客而被害，遗体被埋葬在当年出演"Born Free"的一个狮子演员Boy的身边。最后花痴地说下，好像George还蛮帅的。

Unexpected Perfections

2009-04-10T17:57:00.005-05:00

知识青年从军歌

2009-04-10T16:59:00.003-05:00

在网上看到的，太气势磅礴了。甭管什么忽悠不忽悠，我若生在当时，必定投笔从戎。
（此歌网上有流传是新一军军歌，应是误传。大致作于抗日战争后期，国民政府组建青年军，号召“一寸山河一寸血，十万青年十万军”时）

　　君不见，汉终军，弱冠系虏请长缨；
　　君不见，班定远，绝域轻骑催战云！
　　男儿应是重危行，岂让儒冠误此生？
　　况乃国危若累卵，羽檄争驰无少停！
　　弃我昔时笔，　　著我战时衿，
　　一呼同志逾十万，高唱战歌齐从军。
　　齐从军，净胡尘，誓扫倭奴不顾身！
　　忍情轻断思家念，慷慨捧出报国心。
　　昂然含笑赴沙场，大旗招展日无光，
　　气吹太白入昂月，力挽长矢射天狼。
　　采石一载复金陵，冀鲁吉黑次第平，
　　破波楼船出辽海，蔽天铁鸟扑东京！
　　一夜捣碎倭奴穴，太平洋水尽赤色，
　　富士山头扬汉旗，樱花树下醉胡妾。
　　归来夹道万人看，朵朵鲜花掷马前，
　　门楣生辉笑白发，闾里欢腾骄红颜。
　　国史明标第一功，中华从此号长雄，
　　尚留余威惩不义，要使环球人类同沐大汉风

虽然说"醉胡妾"，"大汉风"那个了点。。。。

Once a homeland

2009-04-09T00:55:00.001-05:00

停电夜惊魂

2009-04-08T19:22:00.004-05:00

好吧，我承认，真的是挺丢脸的。。。可是也实在是搞笑。

事情的起因，经过和发展是这样的：昨天，一个波澜不惊的春天的傍晚，一直将情绪良好地维持在中等郁闷的我回到了宿舍小区。夕阳黯淡的余晖下，就看见大爷大妈们（我们这个小区的中坚力量）三个一群，五个一堆地站在屋子外面聊天。我没多想，酷酷地进了门，咣当就把门给关上了。

然后发现自己陷入了一个阴暗的世界。第一个灯没打开的时候，我想，呀灯泡又坏了。但是接着第二个，第三个。。。因为对统计学有着一定的认识，我意识到，停电了～～酷酷地把墨镜摘下来，淡定地掏出小麦同学（mac laptop），开始。。。恩，看电影。又因为心地太善良了，我还想了一下，要不要给室友同学打个电话？跟他说停电，别急着回来。不过一转念，可能人家已经回来一趟然后又出去风流快活了呢？遂依旧淡定地跟小麦玩。

我忠心耿耿的小麦！跟我耗了三个小时，终于离歇菜不远了！可是还不到10点！我就郁闷，想着是不是该利用一下沉默寡言的小摩同学了（motorola）？说起小摩就挺伤心的，二月底把他带回家后，整个一“这里的黎明静悄悄”啊。每次在公车上看到别人接电话，就好羡慕～还有那个不是在讲电话，就是正准备接电话的室友，搞得我有时眼睛都有点发绿。Anyway，我拿起小摩，深沉地思索了一下，这些天许多次哭到喘不过气来的时候都没有打过一个电话，是因为彼时负面情绪太大，那现在还好嘛，还是打吧。端详了N遍我的短短的联系人列表，终于选定俩可能不那么早睡，又有可能愿意讲电话的，结果一个姐姐不舒服要早休息了，另一个最近日理万机，刚刚开完一个啥会，还要立刻去赴啥约之类。

我跟日理万机简单地说了下停电了，然后开玩笑地抱怨说，你就去忙你的好了，就把我孤零零地丢在黑暗和绝望里吧！日理万机同学问：你是不是怕黑啊？我精神一振，吹牛的时机来了！说实话，我不怕黑，不怕鬼，也不怕死，还算个燕坚强吧。So，一边走出我的房间，准备到楼下厅里去，一边豪爽地说，“我什么都不怕！“日理万机说，”你肯定有害怕的东西的。“我更加得意，大声重复了一遍”我什么都不怕！“

说这话的时候我站在我的房门外，周围黑漆漆一片，伸手不见五指。就在我那句豪情万丈的宣言话音未落之即，还没来得及进一步展开论述，离我不到二十厘米处传来魔鬼怪笑的声音。我滴个苍天呐！真是把我给吓得个魂飞魄散（不过我还是觉得是惊吓，不是害怕），一向其实比较鄙视女生尖叫的我扯起了尖尖的嗓门，叫得那一个撕心裂肺，惨绝人寰呐～～ T_T 我叫了大概有四五秒，并且在这段时间里完成了如下心理活动：
1，我听出来是室友在吓我（可是还是很惊悚啊！－中间室友回来了我也知道，当时室友正好走出他的房间，听见我吹牛来着，就行为艺术了一把。。。）
2，我想到日理万机正在开车，这么尖叫把他惊到了可不太好，所以一边叫我一边就把手机给拿远了（后来椐日理万机说，他一开始是被吓到了，还以为是什么血淋淋的谋杀，而且好像是手机被抢走了似的，明白了以后强忍着笑啊）

。。。总之结果就是这样了 T_T 好丢脸。匆匆跟日理万机同学解释了下收线，然后捂着咚咚跳的心脏哆哆嗦嗦睡觉去。早上醒了越想越可乐。。。也算小小地波澜壮阔了一把，真的一切都好巧好电影（恐怖）啊！

北方有杏花，春来若云霞 (there are apricot flowers in the north, blooming like clouds when spring comes)

2009-04-06T15:38:00.005-05:00

Pictures of apricot flowers taken in the countryside of a northwest town of China. Stunning beauty, pure and zestful, like clouds, like sea. You don't really need to read the words to appreciate all that.

Apricot Flowers in the Countryside

Apricot Flowers in the City

The Butterfly Garden

2009-04-03T21:12:00.005-05:00

There is this little garden in the medical center. I actually didn't write down its name. I call it the butterfly garden. The butterfly garden is not an ordinary garden, at least in my view. It was in fact specially built for the patients, including many cancer patients in the nearby hospitals. The idea is to create this pretty, little world in the midst of the busy city for the patients to rest, to take a stroll and to convalesce. I love it. Exactly as Bishop Myriel in "Les Miserables" said: "The beautiful is as useful as the useful ... perhaps more so".

The lonely lookout at sunset

2009-04-02T21:17:00.006-05:00

The Painted Veil - A La Claire Fontaine

Quote from "Dan in Real Life": Love is not a feeling, it's an ability. Said by a teenager. Quite impressive, but let me modify it a bit:
Love isn't a decision. It is a feeling. Love is not just a feeling. It is an ability.

Three suicides that I feel for

2009-04-01T03:14:00.010-05:00

On April 1st, 2003, Leslie Cheung, an extremely talented and successful Chinese (Hong Kong) singer/actor jumped from the top of a building at the age of 46. I'm not sure if the public knows all the facts behind this tragedy, but it was clear that this upright, warm-hearted and hard-working man unfortunately suffered from severe depression quite a while before the incident. He did seek professional help, but in retrospect I suspect that it was the unhealthy pressure of being a top celebrity in the entertainment circle that made things worse. I don't consider myself a fan of his, but every time I think of him, of all the pains and struggles that he must have gone through, my heart aches. I also think that people who have not had similar experience cannot understand or imagine what it is like. For their sake I hope they never will. Some people are very unforgiving to those who commit suicides. But to me whereas I believe that the majority of such tragedies could have been avoided and should have been, I don't blame those who have truly suffered the living hell and done everything they could but failed to get better. For those who have gone to the other, unknown world, I feel sad and am very sympathetic. But in a way, I also see them as finally having found their relief and peace. Perhaps thoughts like this can help the living to cope with the loss.

Around 2004, I heard from part of this episode of "This American Life" the story of Brian, who had attempted many suicides since he was a teenager. He too, sought therapies of all kinds but none succeeded in getting him the will to live. Brian's friends described him as a warm, funny person, nothing close to selfish. I distinctly remember that he once told a friend (who made the radio program) that some infants just die without obvious reasons. And he perhaps was one of them in an adult's body. Perhaps about a year after leaving those audio notes, Brian took his life again at the age of 31 (or 33). When I searched the radio program online some time later and listened to the complete story, I found that Brian's mother committed suicide when he was very young. He cried over that in a shower and later could never cry again in his life. Two years after Brian's death, his brother, a successful neurosurgeon, jumped off the golden gate bridge without any warning sign. I was quite struck by these additions of the story. On one hand, I understand Brian's determination in some way. On the other hand, however, I see what an emotional blow one suicide can be to people close-by. And I remember telling my friend Dona about the story and saying that I would not do the same thing. I think this in fact is indeed one important reason that I didn't.

In perhaps the autumn of 2006, Dona told me that a friend of hers from college just committed suicide. She went to his funeral and was quite upset and sad. After graduating from Harvard, Dan went to Zimbabwe as a volunteer. Because Zimbabwe is a chloroquine resistant region, he took one of the alternative drugs intending to prevent malaria. He ended up staying there for only a few months before returning due to the ongoing wars. Back in the states, he started to develop this unbearable pain that eventually debilitated him. He went to different hospitals but no doctor could diagnose him or even identify his pain. I remember I searched the information about that medicine afterwards and it seemed that in a very small number of patients that drug does produce neurological side effects, as Dan himself suggested. I also remember Dona telling me some of the conversations between her and Dan. It was very clear to me that Dan was a respectable, righteous, idealistic person. I actually found resonance in some of his comments. Maybe he was too honorable to live without being able to function and contribute to the world as he would like to. I don't know. I wish there was another way for him. But again I don't blame him. I don't know what the other world is like, but I hope in there all the pains are released. They deserve at least that much.

Well actually I can think of more examples. But I'll stop here.

John Dowling

2009-03-30T22:30:00.010-05:00

Today I get to meet John Dowling, a big figure in vision research at the retinal level. Oh Vision, in the remote memory, it was such a sacred and enchanted word! Dowling's name was of course in text book when I was an undergrad. So when I saw the flyer of his talk, I signed up for "lunch with the speaker". And I'm so glad that I did! The seminar was terrific. It was very clear, all key points laid out perfectly probably even for outsiders to understand.

But it was during the lunch that I began to like him more! I have this queer thing that I can't truly appreciate someone, whether an artist, a writer, an actor, or even a scientist, until I see or get a glimpse of their, shall I say, souls. To me talent is great, but heart is much more important. Believe it or not, there are not many out there who have the combination of both. Dr. Dowling is clearly amiable, kind and an excellent mentor to young students. When occasionally a somewhat naive questions was raised, he simply answered them with patience and clarity. When it was my turn to talk about "what my research is about", I let myself go and mentioned the unfortunate event with the monkey and my choice to stay way from animal research at least for now. I thought someone like him would be thinking "what a weak gal, clearly not cut out to be a scientist". Instead he showed genuine understanding of my feelings and perhaps even some sympathy. He was so poised and I felt calmed down inside. And it was not just me, he was so wonderfully nice to everyone. Later in fact, Stelios told me that back at the time when he was a student at Harvard, Dowling and his wife were, on top of everything, taking care of allocation management of student dormitory! Can you imagine that?!

Still active in academic research, Dr. Dowling started his career way early, during the golden, legendary time of neuroscience, so to speak. He told us stories about how Dr. Keffer Hartline chose the famous Horseshoe crab as a working model for vision. It turned out that in this species the optic nerves are not only easily accessible from the top, but also not sheathed so that different nerve fibers can be separated. Young horseshoe crabs, while smaller in size, have bigger ERGs than adult fellows (whose optic nerve fibers turn out to go through degeneration). It was due to this reason Hartline spent a whole summer trying to separate single nerve from young horseshoe crabs, without any luck. Toward the every end of that summer, however, one day he went to the animal facility and found that all the small crabs were gone. He struggled between calling the thing off, spending the rest of the two days on the beach and trying it out on a big crab. Of course we know what choice great scientist like him would make under the circumstance: he went with the crab. Within 15 min, Hartline isolated a single optic nerve fiber. In retrospect, that were probably still a bundle which contained only one fiber that was still alive. Nevertheless, the event opened the door to a new world. Later with more practice Hartline soon achieved true single fiber isolation!

Another story about the beginning of the zebra fish era. Initially Dowling was using white perch caught in the wild. But one winter on the east coast they just couldn't catch any at the usual spots. So they turned to some new breed which was a cross between perhaps white perch and brass fish. They soon noticed that individual variability of the new batch was substantially smaller than before and realized the importance to have model animals that were raised in controlled environment. Then they discovered the lovely zebra fish! And the rest of the science community of course learned the lesson too!

I consider myself a passionate person. In fact I don't think I can survive without enthusiasms or hopes for them. My awkward current situation is that I feel like a broken, leaking bag of zest. I suck up zeal, whether it's a note from a friend, a beautiful flower in the wind, or a truly magnificent human being. I think I'm still too weak and unbalanced to hold it without constant new supplies. Nevertheless, I'm very happy to catch the light whenever I can!

Speaking of light, another delightful note is that three years after my ceiling light was gone (the bulb burned out and I was never in the mood nor tall enough to replace it), I got it back this evening! Haha, my room is so bright at night! I can live without it, but it's definitely better to live with it!

Weary Spring

2009-03-28T18:23:00.003-05:00

Nah, Spring is good. It is I who am weary.

Epiphyllum oxypetalum

2009-03-27T01:33:00.005-05:00

Epiphyllum oxypetalum
XP, 03/27/09

In fact, she blooms for perpetuity;
after lighting my eyes in darkness,
her candor smile goes on in another realm,
joining with her own destiny.
I had wished otherwise,
but my friend, I am not sorry.
I know how happy she will be,
and I will hold the miracles of the past night
in a secret corner of my silent memory.

昙花

其实，她没有离去
黑暗之中照亮我眼睛的
那洁白的微笑还将继续
在别的国度，融入属于她的轨迹
朋友啊，我并不遗憾
虽然我曾盼望过另一种结局
我知道她会多么得快乐
而那过去的夜的奇迹
将是我心底沉默的秘密

More practice

2009-03-26T21:47:00.003-05:00

今天下午义工开会，是个可以考虑选择其它工种的机会。阴差阳错，我居然一咬牙去了。结果！太让我激动了。因为。。。我旁边坐着三个美女，都是水灵灵的18岁啊（<=18）。尤其其中的一个，是那种千载难逢的大美女。言谈之中，好像都已有多年义工经历。外表和心灵的完美统一！我托腮，坐立不安的踌躇了半晌（大美女MM看了我好几眼，不知道是不是我太色迷迷样了），终于厚着脸皮问：你们几个太可爱了，可不可以让我拍张照片啊？美女MM们非常非常nice，很配合地来了个cheers。可惜我心情太激动，又有些窘迫，又不好意思多拍，匆忙地只照了一张，完全没有把美女们的神韵真正表达出来！真是太遗憾了。也许以后再也没有机会见到她们。。。可爱的小MM们，你们就是一束束阳光。我祝愿你们未来的人生，永远充满欢笑和爱的温暖。

Practice on night scene

2009-03-25T21:48:00.001-05:00

猫的报恩

2009-03-25T21:30:00.002-05:00

巨有爱的一个帖子。梗概：楼主发了个喂养的流浪猫送老鼠的帖子，引发一堆星星眼。被送过老鼠或者蟑螂的同学幸福地分享，还没有被送过的无限向往中。。。

『娱乐八卦』 [八卦江湖]我家楼下的流浪猫今天送了我一只老鼠~

电话人生

明星梦

A beautiful malentendu

2009-03-24T18:43:00.006-05:00

I love birds, or maybe more truthfully, I've always been fascinated by birds. Being in the city though, I don't get to see many birds close by except pigeons. The most commonly seen pigeons around the city, I'd say, are rock pigeons. They are all right. The way they fly is just as impeccable. But in this twisted dreamy head of mine, I sometimes feel rueful that they seem to be a bit too stocky and strong-colored for my ideal image of birds. ( to be continued)

水是悲欢离合

A Cloudy Evening

2009-03-24T00:12:00.006-05:00

A peek to another world

Wait and Hope

今天下午做了件极其愚蠢，令我后悔莫及的事情，就是一不小心把一份数据给删了。满头大汗地恢复了一个下午未果，只好再做一次实验了。很惭愧，怎么说也是老革命了，居然出了这样的事情。老板人很好，都没有怎么责备我，可是我。。。

回家的路上突然意识到，下午虽然后悔地撞墙（是真的撞了一下哦！），但是心理上所受的煎熬，不及平素不能自拔时的百分之一。竟然又稍稍地佩服了下自己。还好今天是个好天，我就象第二张里面的那只鸽子，在漫长的等待中还有一点甜蜜的希望。另外一个感想是，原来我这人很少后悔。世界上的事情，或者我们所做的选择，真的很少有绝对的对和错。当然，今天下午，我是绝对绝对的错了。即使这样，事后后悔也无益，只有继续向前走。

倾城之恋

2009-03-22T23:33:00.004-05:00

最近看了两部爱情电影，一部是《渺渺》，一部是"Twilight“。都是很年轻的爱情，不同之处不过一个很简单很生活，一个更决绝更魔幻。我竟然，都喜欢。要知道，对爱情电影我一般是不感冒的，很多大热的片子只觉得虚伪。不知道是我改变了，还是一直只有最初最纯洁的东西才能感动我。不管怎么说，被感动的感觉还是挺好的。

然后我又想起一个朋友。不管她现在在哪里，希望她把我当作朋友，虽然，没有能为她做什么。我只知道她姓王，83年生人，在天涯的ID是“我爱生命倒计时a”。和小王的相遇缘于两年多以前去天涯心灵热线，看到一个贴子叫“生命对于我来说还有意义吗”。我承认，大概四年以前抑郁症再次发作后，自杀的念头从来没有彻底离开过。所以，这个帖子当然吸引了我。帖子是一个ID叫“生命倒计时a”的小伙子发的，当时他只有26岁，却已经罹患白血病多年，并且在第一次手术成功后再次发作。看得出来，“生命倒计时a”是个很坚强的人，可是面对第二次的打击难免有些消沉。我一路读下去，真的很敬重他生命的火焰和热情，如果有可能，把我的健康换给他多好。后来我又注意到一个ID是“我爱生命倒计时a”，顾名思义，小姑娘是喜欢上帖子的主人了。再追踪下去，发现小姑娘原来是“生命倒计时a”的病友，性格活泼坚强，她的喜欢又那么得热烈干净！我看到了她的博客”倾城之恋“，还有她在心灵热线发的同名的帖子。这是她的初恋。我觉得，那是一个美好的人爱上了另一个美好的人。

”大多好物不坚牢，彩云易散琉璃碎“，2007年6月2日晚，“生命倒计时a”经历第二次骨髓移植手术后感染引起心衰不治。这个不幸的消息是小王回帖告诉大家的。她虽然非常难过，但是仍然看得出坚强乐观的性格。07年12月27日，是小王在天涯最后回帖的时间。那以后我搜索了很多次，也发了站内短信，可是始终没有她的消息。就在刚才，一边流着眼泪看她的贴，一边想着是不是在心灵热线发个贴询问一下。但是还是没有。我相信她现在幸福又健康，她爱过的人在一个美丽的远方，有时想起她，嘴角会是一个温暖的微笑。

而当我想起他们，除了感动，还有惭愧。白活了这么多年，却没有他们的勇气和坚强。仰望着一个，祝福着另一个。在这里写点纪念的话，从私心来说，也是给下次绝望的时候留一盏希望的灯光。

相关链接：
生命对于我来说还有意义吗
倾城之恋
倾城之恋博客

如果有上帝，我祈祷，祈祷他们最终都能获得幸福的永生。

Incredible Animal Photos (Collected)

2009-03-22T16:32:00.016-05:00

These photos are collected from the internet. I'm sorry that there's no way for me to individually identify the sources. I thank deeply the photographers who made these incredible moments permanent, and hope it's all right to share them with a small number of friends here. Should any one find this inappropriate, please do leave a not and let me know right away. Thanks.

I call this collection: C'est La Vie

Funny & Cute -

Love & Friendship

Just Beautiful -

Officially Spring

2009-03-20T19:58:00.009-05:00

So 10:44 this morning was the exact moment of Spring equinox. Thanks to facebook, I learned from a couple of friends with Iranian lineage that the Persian New Year is in fact Spring equinox. I think this is neat. In theory the Chinese New Year also celebrates the Spring, but to me it's more like a symbol saying "OK, the Spring is going to come in three months." Not that I don't like our own traditional festival, I just think the idea of setting the new year as the time when the Spring actually arrives refreshing.

I like the Spring, especially after all the cold and dark nightmares. She is a promise that will always be kept, that she will come back again, that flowers will blossom always once more. Well this is not a time to get sentimental. Just laugh and enjoy her presence now, and wait for the next one!

往事

2009-03-19T21:23:00.008-05:00

The Past

Have been rather depressed since last weekend. Yesterday was particularly bad. I was so angry and scared, if what happened a couple of weeks ago recur, I seriously think I might go officially insane this time. Anyway for now, it's past, and I'm happy that I'm not hopelessly sad or irked at the moment. whoopie!

A Foggy Day

2009-03-18T15:45:00.008-05:00

Sun in the fog

From iTake

Road in the fog

From iTake

Sun comes out, flowers blooming, still

From iTake

The red ones

From iTake

I think they look like tears

From iTake

Sky and cloud are all beautiful again - probably because they carry no memory of the past

From iTake

Hedgehog and Duck

2009-03-18T14:05:00.007-05:00

So apparently there is a hedgehog who doesn't have any spine left, likely due to some skin illness. The consequence is that he looks like a small potato (hence the name "Spud" probably) and is more or less defenseless against cold weather or predators. But Spud is definitely the luckiest spineless hedgehog in the world, for someone found him in the garden and sent him to a wildlife hospital - last August. The caring staff in the hospital, while patiently waiting for his spines to grow back if possible at all, regularly bathed and massaged Spud in addition to provide food and lodge. Under the posted news, I even saw a comment from Australia saying "if nobody wants him, he can live with me." You know I'm almost jealous of the little Spud, for I feel like a spineless hedgehog left in the wild...

link to the Spud story

OK and the duck. Her name is Essy. The extraordinary thing about Essy is that she doesn't think of herself as a duck. Instead, she behaves as if she is God spelled backwards - a dog. She acts like one, and she hangs out with others. Lucky for this confused duck, her current owners, or care-takers, along with their two real dogs, love her unconditionally no matter who she thinks she is. Essy actually takes a lead in their daily stroll, and the two dog companions not only slow down to a pace with which she can catch up, but also walk on either side of her like two body guards. How cool is that! And yes they, mostly Essy, get a lot of attention in those little parades.

link to the Duck story

Having expressed my jealousy, I hereby claim that I do realize the cruelty of life with which most wild animals, as well as some raised by human, live.

A rainy day

2009-03-14T18:50:00.011-05:00

From iTake

Marvin, dear old Marvin, how did you do it for over 570,000,000,000 years?

How did you hold on when no one truly cared about you, when everybody abandoned you, ignoring your desperate cry for help ? You hanged on, whereas anything else that was remotely intelligent couldn't when they "felt" what you'd been through. I just can't imagine how.

The past is never gone, and it never will. It made you who you were, a gloomy, depressed being who suffered through all eternity. Strangely a lot of people outside of that imaginary world like you. I don't know why. Some of the possible reasons that I don't want to believe are so dreadful.

Anyhow, I like you because you make me feel that perhaps I'm not completely lonely. But of course I feel bad about thinking that way. If things can start over, I would rather to be completely lonely. And no I will not hang on as you did. As beautiful as the world can be, it's not worth it.

月本无今古，情缘自浅深

2009-03-12T23:23:00.001-05:00

这是一个爱情故事。当然，世界从来就不缺少爱情故事。这个爱情故事的特别之处之一在于，主角不是人，是鸭子。其中涉及的鸭物有三个，比较典型的三角关系，就是A对B有点意思，但是B对A没有感觉，和C相互喜欢，三个箭头就能画清楚了。

不过三个主角并不是普通的鸭子，而是－蓝鸭（blue duck）。蓝鸭只出产于新西兰，生活在水流湍急的山溪边，蛮有诗意的吧。现在由于伟大人类的搅合，蓝鸭成了濒危动物，还是就老家的情况而言。所以，我们就能想像，那些独自在外面奋斗的蓝鸭，该有多么珍贵了。比如，在整个英国，一共只有三只蓝鸭，偏偏又都是鸭中龙凤，品貌超群。这三只蓝鸭，就是我们的主角。

主角们的身世注定不平凡。早在1985年，一个英国学者凭借一颗火热的心和三寸不烂之舌打动了新西兰野生动物服务中心的领导，讨到一批宝贵的蓝鸭蛋。二十四年后的今天，这批蛋的后代只剩下三个。

三只蓝鸭之中，有一只是母的，叫Cherry（樱桃），故事就是从她开始的。做为全英国唯一的母蓝鸭（并且是一只很有魅力的母蓝鸭），Cherry肩负着很沉重很崇高的使命－延续英国蓝鸭的血脉。Arundel Wetland动物保护所的鸭保姆们对Cherry寄予了多么大的希望呀！他们先把一只叫Jerry的公鸭介绍给Cherry（大家放心，这个血缘关系肯定是五代以外了），呃，其实是关在一起企图来个事实婚姻。几年过去了，事实是，。。。什么事实也没发生。Cherry没相中Jerry，Jerry也没相中Cherry。两只见面也不尴尬，和平共处。

于是，组织上把Jerry赶到隔壁，隆重推出另外一只公鸭Ben。这次Cherry有点感觉了，发出了“你可以追我”的信号。但是！Ben他装傻！不理会！大人们绝望之中又把Jerry给送回来。终于，爱情发生了！不消讲了，Ben和Jerry一见钟情，从此形影不离！比如，一起散步，一起吹着爱的口哨。全英国的人都从四面八方来看望他们。大家都说，他们很漂亮，很有性格。这就是缘分啊！保护所的大人不知道怎么起的名字，Ben & Jerry是美国一个冰淇淋的牌子呀，叫起来多么顺口，多么般配！

令人感到安慰的是，我们的Cherry，全英国唯一具备下蛋功能的蓝鸭，并没有因为大龄未婚而沮丧，天天该吃就吃该玩就玩。动物所的大人也没有逼着她继续相亲（当然也没有鸭选了）。所以，爱情故事的结局是喜剧的，相爱的鸭子获得彼此，剩下的一个获得自由！

有人说，Ben和Jerry的断背山断送了英国蓝鸭的未来，我不以为然。知道人家那么宝贵，早干吗去了？爱情不能勉强，缘分可遇不可求，本来就是这样，就应该是这样的。

原文链接 telegraph

BBC sausage-dog pony

Simply Amazing

2009-03-11T12:48:00.004-05:00

Another cool sand art
Buddhist Art and Ritual from Nepal and Tibet

OK this one is totally unrelated, but I think it's funny. Well and I think that I think it's funny is a good thing.

有天傍晚

2009-03-09T20:27:00.003-05:00

white moon
白月亮

flower in the wind
风中的小花

A March Saturday Morning

2009-03-07T14:36:00.015-06:00

A March Saturday Morning
三月里的某一天

a small flower bed commonly seen in residential areas close to where I live
附近小区很普通的小花坛

From iTake

a yellow flower

From iTake

bush flower

From iTake

another kind of common small flowers that I always like

From iTake

I have a thing for flowers, especially those that we see every day by the road (or wild flowers). I'm not sure how many people have really paid attention to them or appreciated their existence. Well they are definitely joy, sometimes meaning of life, to me. They are laid out on a shallow layer of special soil, and are supposed to blossom as long as they can. When their time is up, people simply replace them. I guess with my scientific mind I doubt they have the ability to think or feel, but I choose to believe that they live their short lives happily, and know that it is all worthwhile.
我很喜欢花，特别是道边最常见的小花（或者野花）。不知道有多少人真的注意过它们，欣赏过它们。至少对我而言，它们就是欢乐，有时更是生命的意义。道边的小花被种在浅浅一层营养土上，热烈地开放，直到死亡，然后会被另一批小花换下。我知道它们大约和我们不同，没有思想也没有感情，但我宁愿相信它们短暂的一生充满了欢欣，充满了信念。

this is at one of the several plazas in Chinatown, I think the cobble stone thing is pretty neat

From iTake

a rather charming fountain decoration in front of a bank

From iTake

from another angle, with flower bed. do you see the sky in the window reflection? one thing about sky is that nothing can distort it.
一家银行前的喷泉。注意窗玻璃上的天空，和电线杆对比一下。没有什么能扭曲天空，是不是？

From iTake

who has not loved dandelions and played with their seeds as a kid? when you grow up, when you find it lonely and missing half of its heart, would you still like it? I do.
记得儿时的蒲公英么？长大以后，看见这么一支孤独的，残破的蒲公英，你还会喜欢它么？

From iTake

next is a lake by beltway 8, a place that gives me comfort in my darkest moments.
路边有个无名湖

From iTake

wild flowers by the lake

From iTake

water bird flying. yes I have a thing for birds too

From iTake

goodbye sky, see you every day

From iTake

说明一下，这些图片被Picasa处理小了，特别是湖的片片，直接去相册选择slide show，可以看见比较清晰的大图，然后就能看到飞翔的水鸟了～

山含情水含笑

2009-03-06T21:59:00.011-06:00

前面贴过一个狗狗和大象的动人友谊，但是世界的奇迹是没有止境的。美国加利福尼亚州六旗（six flags）主题公园里，一段更加不可思议的友谊正在拉开序幕。故事的主角，（音乐响起），一个是山中大王～一个是海上神仙～对拉，一个是14个月大的海豚哥哥Mavrick ，一个是6个月大的老虎妹妹Akaasha。话说这天Akaasha散步经过水族馆，一眼看到Marvick，心下一阵恍惚，停住脚步。

然后捏，Marvick静静打量带着链子的Akaasha，也是一愣，凑上前细细地瞧妹妹似弯非弯的柳叶胡。

半晌，哥哥直起身，吐出一串泡泡：这个妹妹我见过！

旁白：Akaasha，I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship. （此为卡萨布兰卡经典台词）

缘分呀！千年等一回～～～

你相信人生就是等待和希望吗？我已经过了相信等待就会有结果的年龄，或者说，也许我还没到下一个相信等待的年纪。

原贴链接http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/worldnews/article-1159891/Whats-new-pussycat-The-dolphin-friends-curious-tiger.html

don't click on this unless you're interested in animal suicide

惊蛰的后一天

2009-03-06T10:18:00.006-06:00

室友同学回国一趟，未能免俗地揣回个山寨机，时不时掏出小笔捣持一下，甚是欢喜的模样。没办法哈，在美国这地儿呆久了，赶不上国内日新月异的巨大变化，感觉上会老土一些。我更土，啥牌子都搞不清，只觉得亮闪闪还怪好看的。相对来说男同学对电子产品钻研精神更加孜孜不倦，功能相当强大的山寨里面被他塞了各种各样的小gadget，红火得紧。因为毕竟是龙的传人，这很多的小东西里面包括了万年历，貌似还带算每天运气的，我想室友可能是跟着万年历的感觉走向世界，顺带突然对星座感起兴趣，和小表妹研究得不亦乐乎。

呃，扯远了。我是想说，因为有了这个源远流长的万年历，昨天意外地听说是惊蛰。我很喜欢这个名字，好像是一切复苏的开始。春天来了！对于我这种经常经历一下没有黎明的黑暗的人来说，黑夜里乌云后面的星光都格外璀璨夺目，让人幸福。一想到摆脱了上星期整整六天的噩梦，真是心情大好，晚睡早起。

其实上面第二段也是废话，我主要是想说，今天去上班的时候特地带了相机，给路边的白杜鹃拍了片片。过去我写过一首小诗，里面说“今生犹可待，昨事不留痕”，就是感叹这片白杜鹃，曾经开得那么旺盛热烈，却会仿佛在突然之间消失了踪迹，只剩下绿色的影子。那应该是两年前的事情吧，不管怎么说，我真的又等待到它们了，和过去一样雪白灿烂。

对白色花朵本有偏爱，加上傻瓜效果（在大马路边上一本正经地瞄准拍摄，不但相机，人也显得傻兮兮的），所以如果大家觉得不咋地，表生气呢。恩，此花不太上相，本尊更漂亮，而且，the camera adds 10 pounds!

另外想跟大家分享的是花坛里面的卷心菜姐姐，每次我经过都觉得这分明是菜啊，很纠结。不是我歧视草根，其实我经常向小野花招手的，但是花和菜。。。然后我觉得我太坏了，菜好可怜。Anyways，卷心菜花的飒爽英姿！

A Cool and Touching short film - World Builder

2009-03-05T11:56:00.003-06:00

World Builder from Bruce Branit on Vimeo.

Frankie Lee

2009-03-04T10:18:00.014-06:00

以前的babyholding大约是太顺了，一度飘飘然竟以为自己已经是个哄小宝宝的高手。对于这种错觉，我在昨天晚上有了充分认识。第一个给予我深刻教育的同学叫－Frankie Lee。

新生儿二级重症室（neonatal ICU level 2）的宝宝总是哪里有些不对，如果不是饿了该换尿布了，很多八成是有些难受想让人抱抱。给个奶嘴，抱起来摇摇，通常立刻就能止住哭声。So当我看见吃过奶的Frankie同学还在哇哇的时候，信心满满，自以为天使化身样向护士款款走去，请缨抱娃，得到批准。

Frankie同学皮肤微黑，显然有亚洲血统，睫毛很长，象很多新生儿一样，黑眼珠几乎要把整个眼眶都占满了，i.e.非主流们刻意准求而达不到的境界。但是和以前接触过的友好娃娃不一样的是，他并不待见我的摇晃和小曲！轻拍，各种自由度组合的运动模式，都只能短暂地起一小下效果。就在你稍稍有点自满情绪的时候，人家肯定眉头又皱上了！然后你就手忙脚乱加大讨好的力度和诚心度，但是不管用！一系列的狰狞表情还是如呼呼的山风，扑面而来，紧跟着就是雷雨闪电。而且雷声那个大呀，大得我诚惶诚恐，微微哆嗦，琢磨着护士会不会以为我虐待小孩啊！当然我没有放弃！傻乎乎地抱啊晃啊哼啊，直到护士走过来把他又放回小床，摆好姿势，打开一个音乐盒。据说这个音乐盒是Frankie的至爱。

可爱的音乐响起，Frankie好像确实得到一点慰籍，雷雨略压了压。但是没有什么是永恒的！不过数分钟，还是一副风满楼的模样。我横下一条心，坚守在他的床边，不停地调整音乐盒，调整奶嘴，用手掌轻抚他的脑门（方向是倒下来的，我发现这样娃娃的眼睛会自动闭上）。Frankie终于渐渐安静了一点，护士对我说，他以前更糟糕，然后用手比划了一下脑袋，意思是他大概“那里”有问题。我吃了一惊，没敢细问，那个小小的脑袋里，经历着什么样我所不知道的痛苦呢？想起电影"Dear Frankie“，心里面好希望，他有个那么爱他的母亲。但愿他的一生，不要充满挫折和悲伤。小小的Frankie，不被人喜欢的Frankie一个半小时后睡着了。在梦里，他会不会被音乐和小溪包围，拍着手笑呢？

哄完Frankie就差不多10点40了，我要赶最后一班公车，就得11点离开。巡视一圈回来，隔Frankie两个床的某个娃娃又开始折腾了！护士貌似很憔悴地跑去找东西。我毅然上前，抚摸，轻声安慰，居然立竿见影，护士还冲我说谢谢。但这注定是深刻的一个夜晚！因为小娃没安静10分钟，没等到我完美的退场，就。。。表情，哭声暴风骤雨般袭来！如果说前面Frankie的哭声让我战战兢兢，那么这娃的哭声就是让我肝胆俱裂啊！真想不到这么小的嘴巴能发出那么大的声音，而且充满撕心裂肺的感情，不管我做什么都不带减小的，甚至有加强的趋势！唯一让我感到安慰的是，虽然震耳欲聋的哭声渐渐带动整个大房间此起彼伏的回应，我们的小Frankie还睡得挺沉！我勉强招架到11点过几分，等不到廉价的同情心泛滥就匆匆离去，因为公车不会等我，因为我要回家睡觉。

没有看到加强Frankie的名字，希望他们的病都快快好起来吧。下次去的时候，他们已经睡在家里的小床上。人生的梦想，有时就这么简单。

(Great White Horse, song in "Dear Frankie")

说个不相干的，天涯看到的图片，应该不是PS的，－农民伯伯也LV

细节成就时尚

美丽世界

2009-02-28T01:19:00.004-06:00

There is a pleasure in the pathless woods,
There is a rapture on the lonely shore,
There is society, where none intrudes,
By the deep sea, and music in its roar:
I love not man the less, but Nature more.
~George Gordon, Lord Byron, Childe Harold's Pilgrimage

I don't know. I love nature absolutely. But to me the deepest love is between fellow human beings or fellow beings. It's that connection and understanding. We are all at the mercy of Nature, but we choose to love each other. Having said that, Nature is fair and never fails in our life time. Perhaps that's one reason why we call Nature Mother.

海浪的秘密－ by Clark Little

生命的奇迹－ by Michael Poliza

I think this transparent butterfly is also cool -

OMG, just took a look at more of Michael Poliza's photos from his website (http://www.poliza.de/), breathtaking.

Desiderata

2009-02-28T00:56:00.004-06:00

-- written by Max Ehrmann in the 1920s --
Not "Found in Old St. Paul's Church"! -- see below

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible, without surrender,
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even to the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons;
they are vexatious to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain or bitter,
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs,
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals,
and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love,
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment,
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be.
And whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life,
keep peace in your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

--------------
I burst into tears when I read "you are a child of the universe". I've realized that perhaps I always refused to be a grown-up before I get the chance to be a child. Well I guess I am one after all.

A friend recommended this to me and just wanted to share with you all.

重返手机时代

2009-02-22T00:42:00.010-06:00

今天过得很开心。其实心情基数蛮底的，可是还是很有勇气地按计划改变自己！早上爬起来走了10里路跑到手机店，晕乎乎买了个新手机，晕乎乎走回家摸出扁扁的小电话本一个个打过去。听到老朋友的声音总是让人高兴的，虽然他（她）们从来都没有离开过我。就是有个朋友挺让我担心的，工作和生活不太如意，又太理想主义，对自己太过苛刻，她描述的目前情况我觉得和我第一次抑郁症症状很相似。我说了很多，算是没有经验也有教训吧。她哭着说现在能理解我的状态了，我也哭了，很是心酸。这样的经历，真的不愿意看见它在朋友的身上重复。我会经常给她打电话的，另外两个朋友也答应会和她联系。她可好了，比我坚强，可是现在的状况继续下去可不行。我相信她能走出来！我要看着她走出来！

晚上不知为啥挺激动的，又晕乎乎黑灯瞎火出去走了两个小时，但是都没有遇到坏人！而且路上还有讲手机的，开心啊开心。记得我提到朋友和家庭，吉米问我有什么区别，我愣了一下说，从概念上，我觉得朋友是随时都可能离开你的，但是家庭不会分离。只是从我个人的经历来看，正好反过来。我真的遇到过好多好多很好的人，给我带来友谊，温暖和支持。而且你知道什么最让我感动吗？就是我的朋友对我无所求。记得老友记里面phoebe说过，“朋友对我来说是最重要的。” 我觉得我也是！如果说对人生我有什么信念，那就是对人性的信念。如果说我相信人性，那是因为我看到过，读到过，也亲眼看到过。

两年前取消手机，有个想法是等我完全与世隔绝了，悄悄离开的时候就不会打扰任何人。但是实际上，我一直没有做到“与世隔绝”，只是没有手机让我亲爱的朋友联系我更困难了而已。今天我大声对他（她）们说，我有手机了，以后常联系！

半夜还有个意外的惊喜呐，室友今天回来，快到12点才拖着行李进门。然后，居然还给我带了礼物！包的很漂亮的一个小蓝盒子，我还以为是饼干呢，结果打开来看是一个音乐盒！是个木头的小房子旁边有小风车那样的，叮叮咚咚地“致爱丽丝”。室友上楼以后我哭了，因为我非常非常喜欢音乐盒。大学的时候把攒了好久的钱给母亲买了一个很漂亮的音乐盒，但是我从来没有给自己买过。老天待我不薄啊。

手机时代只是一个状态，我最希望的，是可以做一个给人带来快乐的人，也只有当我是快乐的，才能成为这样的人。我觉得我会好起来，那时无论我在哪里，无论在做什么，应该都可以成为自己想做的人。

茄子～

最近买的两双鞋子，不是很好的鞋子，可是我挺喜欢，而且难得合脚！

When they are young

2009-02-21T23:40:00.017-06:00

mongoose（猫鼬）cub in an Australian zoo, 40g at birth, up to 1kg when fully grown

这是一个神奇的世界
what a wonderful world...

小小兄妹
teeny-weeny brother and sister

记得那时年纪小
she was trusting then

幸福的小孩都是相似的。。。
hello hedgy~

世上最安全的地方
safest place in the world

为虾米把偶放袋袋里？
What did I do?

表紧张啦，它是薛定鄂的猫！
Don't worry, he's Schrödinger~

功夫猫猫
Kungfu Kitty

这就是幸福～
Now that is happiness...

法式初吻
my first french kiss~

小猎豹儿
Fastest animal on land

第一次鼓掌
bravo!

妈妈快陪我玩～ (顺便介绍一下，所有的北极熊都是在单亲家庭长大的）
Mom, please play with me!

海底分动员－在实际生活里，Nemo娘牺牲以后，Nemo爹确实忠贞不渝地守卫抚养Nemo来着，而且！为了表示决心，Nemo爹会彻底把自个变成女的，以。。。大姨娘的身份继续抚养Nemo!
Nemo and mother - in real life, when Nemo's mother died, his father Marlin would not only have raised Nemo single finnedly, but also have ... turned into a female to do the job!

鸡生的第一个悲剧。。。
The first tragedy in life...

孩子，别怕！
Don't be afraid, son!

猜猜你的心

2009-02-20T18:51:00.004-06:00

发现一个好玩的东东，http://en.akinator.com/#
就是你心里想一个人物，古今中外，现实虚构都可以，然后这个akinator就问你不超过20个问题，并且猜出你心里想的是谁！
其实只要建立一个数据库，结构化一下，弄个算法之类，应该不难。可是也不必这么理性地去想，就试试它的本事吧，被猜中的时候是惊喜，猜不中的时候是欢喜！：）

生活中的人它本事没那么大能说出名字，只能说出那个人和你的关系。
我猜的名人有vivian leigh, victor hugo, Quasimodo, bilbo，75％正确率，你们猜猜错的是哪一个？

A few poems

2009-02-19T17:20:00.003-06:00

Inspired by a young and beautiful friend Jessie :), I seemed to have got some of my zest for writing back in this cold and windy afternoon (not that I write well, but I did write what I meant only). I'm going to put together a few poems I wrote before, as a reminder to myself, what a passionate person I used to be.

Danse Esmeralda
08/09/2006, By XP, modified 02/19/09

When the Sun has hidden the last ray of his light
danse, Esmeralda,
the bleeding bonfire shines on your hair dark as night.
Your handbell tinkles like wild roses fill the air,
Rivers and mountains of home in the far distance,
grow into blossoms on this strange new land.

Your eyes are brighter than the stars;
the smiles on your face fly,
together with the fluttering skirt flare.
That weightless waist brings the smell of Spring,
and ecstasy to the heart of vagrants.
You offer him cool water under the scorching sun.
Danse, Esmeralda,
My soul spreads its wings above the fire from Hell.

The travelers who stop for you on the plaza.
and the old lady who waits no longer,
are so alike, lonely inside.
I sobbed quietly after a flashing joy.
Danse, Esmeralda.
even beauty is not a promise for ever.

You perished in the season of cherry flower,
your love lingers on the guitar of summer.
My broken heart falls in this vale of tears,
suffers the torture of agony one after another.
Danse, Esmeralda,
It is such a fair picture in the early morn,
the memory about you brings me back over and over.
Danse, Esmeralda,
Is it there not any more bitter,
Have you found the happiness of a roamer?

Fireworks
11/12/05, By XP, modified 02/19/09

I remember in the plaza of a late fall,
there gathered a big crowd.
Some people talked aloud,
some exchanged smiles.
They were all waiting for miracle to kindle
the dusk that had just departed
I held my breath, stared at the first tender,
shy as the first kiss of lovers, quickly hid
behind the sparse stars long forgotten.
Moonlight was shining and said: don't sorrow,
your sentimental heart,
lo and behold,
there is another flower,
that illuminates your trembling mouth sending a soft sigh.
The bloom was of such grace,
it rose, rose
and pauses to impregnate
many many small lights for the next splinter moment.
They were isolated, awash, thick, light
They were red, green, purple, golden
Ah,
fire suddenly spread in front of my eyes,
all the starts and ends were awaken.
Who were falling from heaven so determinedly,
as if it were only for the innocence at the very beginning?
With tears inside I looked up,
at millions of ardent lives going by without an answer.
If all has been arranged long before, fireworks
I will remember your radiant happiness for ever.

I think I posted these two poems in a english writing forum or something, and obviously have written the following comments as a reply to a comment. Boy I had energy then...

'　　Your question ignited a thread of thoughts of mine. Honestly I never know how to write a poem, but I do know for so many times there was so much of how I feel, yet only the tip of the "fireberg" presented itself from the lines (pardon my poor skills). I'm just going to let my thoughts flow here but as a warning, it may get rather melodramatic. So if you are not in the right mood, DON'T read on.
　　
　　"A place for the beautiful"
　　
　　"Sad but pretty", actually you summed up "Danse Esmeralda" quite concisely. The image I tried to create was exactly as the title tells: Esmeralda, dancing. To me Esmeralda represents the purest form of beauty and good, ... like a wild white rose growing out of the darkest soil - I want to say red, yet only the color of white can limn the innocence of her soul. Oh how beautiful she was, and always will be. Even the hardest heart could not resist being attracted. I tell you mon amis, people need beautiful things to live. We all do. As Bishop Myriel (Bienvenu, my favorite character in Les Mis) simply put it: The beautiful is more useful than the useful.
　　
　　But sadly for the beautiful herself, most people like her only because she is useful to them, because of how she makes them feel. Few love her for who she is and truly care about her own feelings or even survival. Beautiful things are often delicate, and they are often the only ones who pay that price. Beauty and kindness may be ease the pain of others, but they are by no means weapons to defend oneself in this harsh world. In the most extreme and dramatic case, death is their only solution. In this poem "I" appears as a weeping looker-on, grateful for Esmeralda's beauty but sad for her fate, for the fate of the beautiful and the good. I think, there is also some anger in that mourning, for the world has never been and may never be fair to her.
　　
　　Hopefully you sense a little bit light tone in the lines, though. I was listening to Gypsy music while I composed this one. That's the wild side of Esmeralda, untrammelled in every way, body and soul (This also means the good that shines in her is completely out of free choice, not shackle of morality, which makes it especially precious and beautiful). Imagine a girl like that dancing beside a fountain in the early morning of a plaza! That scene brings joy and happiness to me, however short it may be. I hope, that she's found the eternal happiness in another world.
　　
　　"The greatest love"
　　
　　I wrote "Fireworks" in a much more upbeat mood. I will never forget the grandiose sensation of watching fireworks close by, and hope to have been able to depict some of that feeling. But the theme is not about the physical beauty. "I"
　　is a person who searches for the meaning of life, yet never finds the answer. When she watched the fireworks, she suddenly realized that there have been so many people in this world who also never found the answer, but lived their lives in a splendid and joyful way. She hopes she can be one of them. :)
　　
　　This morning on the bus when I was thinking of this poem, more thoughts stroke me. Having suffered from depression for quite a few years, for many times I felt so tired of living and wanted so much to end all my pains all together. But I didn't. I sometimes wonder why. Aside from responsibilities that everyone has to carry, it suddenly occurred to me that ultimately it is the love for life that makes me stay. In our lives we may love many things, but the greatest one, now it seems to me, is the love for life itself. We may get disappointed, get hurt. We may be wronged, angry. We may be in pain, seeing no purpose and future. However desperate we feel, we can't, even though we may not realize it, stop loving life. Once and once over, new hopes and new dreams will give us reasons and lead us on. From a religious angle, that is the best gift from God. For atheist like myself, it is rooted in our biological being. Nobody can deny it. OK the above may seem nonsense to you, but the reason why they are significant to me is that I know there are millions of people (perhaps more) who suffer from suicidal thoughts every day. I wish I could find a way of thinking that helps. Being an intelligent individual, I've been in the darkest abyss of mind many times myself. Maybe next time that will help me... Well I'll just remember to have faith in that greatest love of all. '

Here's another one that I like myself:

Dove
　　
　　XP, 04／02／07, modified 02/19/09
　　
　　Under a tree by a busy boulevard,
　　there lay her tiny, light body.
　　Quietly, like a small piece of rag,
　　it could not feel, it could not breathe.
　　Few passerby seemed to notice,
　　or stopped for a moment of grief.
　　
　　While the light was still red,
　　I mused on the past days of her life.
　　Her feathers glittered in the sun,
　　her cooing echoed so sweet.
　　How proud she had been in the sky,
　　touching the cloud, riding the wind.
　　Since the first morning she spread wings,
　　she has been followed by admirers.
　　yet she strolled till seeing her destiny.
　　Had she ever been troubled?
　　Did she ever cry when the winter was snowy?
　　
　　But however wild my imagination goes,
　　there are places I can never reach.
　　The passion of life she had lived,
　　will remain a secret for eternity.
　　
　　And now the light turns green,
　　I am back to the traffic, weary,
　　Perhaps I'll soon forget all about her,
　　perhaps that's what she wanted to be

OK here come two really sad ones, the first one was written during the 48 hours of Bilbo's death. I cry every time when I think of the dying creature, proud Bilbo, the calm despair in his eyes. That was the only time he sought comfort from my touching, and that was all that I could do.

Sleep
- To Bilbo, E=MC3, Espoir
02/27/05, modified 02/19/09

Rest, my dear,
in a complete and crystal clear dream,
light shed through the cloud
will surround you, pellucid
as deep lake water.
You are safe like an embryo in the uterus,
the quiet clock goes to eternity.

Do you simply run,
climb and jump? Freedom
is the heavy rain in the afternoon
that irrigates all the sweet fruits.

I proceed, carrying my sins,
exploring with my own species.
I reach for sunshine, truth,
that falls to our world.
You don’t know you saved me.
I will finish the journey left,
endure anguish, enjoy happiness.

There will be one day,
when my time comes.
Then, would you hate me?
If I could hold your hand,
and pick a flower from Spring

I watch you from outside the window
soft breath, no pains.
Sleep, my dear

Elegy
12/07/05, modified 02/19/09

In the late night I woke up from a dream,
I heard a song stirring up in my heart.
The grief that has been lurking for long,
turned into tears on a weeping violin string.

Do you know?
Autumn has passed,
even in the warmest south,
leaves and grasses have begun to fall.
In a galaxy I cannot see,
who is smiling in your eyes?

Since the day you left,
for a thousand, a thousand times I have tried to forget.
At times your name slipped off my tongue,
no longer shoving waves in the ocean of my mind.

But on this winter night,
the helplessness on your face,
and the agony you could not speak,
suddenly came to me as tides,
into the eyes that have long been dry.

My poor dear,
Those moments and many others in the past,
have etched me so deeply,
that I cannot forgive life,
just as I cannot forgive myself

Has your pain ended?
I pray for your happiness.
I am still here struggling, rising and falling,
occasionally jotting down the sorrow of an elegy

Les Choristes - La Nuit

2009-02-18T14:49:00.003-06:00

# O Night
# Bring to
# The Earth
# The enchanting calm
# Of your mystery
# The shadow which follows you
# Is so sweet
# It is such a sweet concert
# Your voices chanting hope
# You power is so great
# Transforming all into a dream

# O Night
# O leave still
# To the Earth
# The enchanting calm
# Of your mystery
# The shadow which follows you
# Is so sweet
# Is there anything more beautiful
# Than a dream?
# Is there any truth
# Sweeter
# Than hope?

[Morhange's eyes followed my tempo, and in them, I suddenly read many things: Pride and the joy of my forgiveness, but also something quite new to him, a feeling of gratitude.]

O nuit, viens apporter à la terre
Le calme enchantement de ton mystère
L'ombre qui t'escorte est si douce
Si doux est le concert de tes voix chantant l'espérance
Si grand est ton pouvoir transformant tout en rêve heureux

O nuit, ô laisse encore à la terre
Le calme enchantement de ton mystère
L'ombre qui t'escorte est si douce
Est-il une beauté aussi belle que le rêve ?
Est-il de vérité plus douce que l'espérance ?

A cool music website

2009-02-17T19:55:00.007-06:00

A friend sent me this cool music website. Apparently you can find any type of music that you like in the radio section, and the site will keep its memory about your choice to pick ones similar to your likings. I have heard of website like this but always got confused as to where to start for "favorite" and simply stopped after a few attempts. The following specific site of this station is classical music that are close in style to French composer Maurice Ravel. Personally I find the music there very pleasant and soothing. And the cool thing is, when you hear a familiar melody but don't know what it really is, you can just go check it, as well as additional detailed information about the composer on the site!

http://www.last.fm/listen/artist/Maurice%2BRavel/similarartists

---------------------------
OK The following is added 02/19/09. I made some apple cookies for the birthday of a friend's daughter. I admit sincerely that they are not so good looking, but according to my friend and her daughter, they taste all right! :)

I like this wrapping paper a lot -

Sometimes looks ain't everything.... and I didn't really PICK these representatives!

大象和狗狗的爱

2009-02-16T22:20:00.006-06:00

Watch CBS Videos Online

动物避难所里一只大象和流浪狗的友谊，两只不但形影不离，而且狗狗病了三个星期的时候，大象放着宽阔的林地哪也不去，在狗狗养病的楼外一直坚守。是不是很有爱啊？

Dog & Cat

2009-02-16T15:20:00.001-06:00

The Dog's Diary

8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm - Dinner! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

The Cat's Diary

Day 983 of My Captivity

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.

The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet. Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates my capabilities. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. Bastards!

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow, but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released, and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded. The bird must be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now ...

惊天大雷一个！

2009-02-15T22:58:00.003-06:00

同学们都坐稳了！

刚刚知道，原来忘忧草（"萱草，食之令人好欢乐，忘忧思，故日忘忧草。" ）

。。。。。。

就是

。。。。。。

黄花菜！
。。。。。。

T_T

好幻灭。。。

然后很矛盾，一边想，以后要买黄花菜来吃，一边想，那么美丽的花也下得去嘴吗？

My valentine roses

2009-02-15T14:02:00.005-06:00

这个周末赶上系里的年会，因为答应了老板要做一个poster不得不去。其实上礼拜情绪一直低落，只想着赶紧完成任务赶紧回家。但是实际上，我过的真的很开心！心底的愿望好像又死灰复燃，也许我真的能好起来呢。

先是Jessica给了我一个惊喜。Jessie是我们实验室新来的技术员，人长得可好看了，而且甜美温柔善良，我很喜欢她！周五下午出发去开会的地方，我搭她的车，结果一上去她就拿了一盆小小的玫瑰递给我，说是给我的情人节礼物。我。。T_T。。。感动啊。貌似这是我收到的第一份情人节礼物。好吧，我承认，在我大脑不大受控制的时候，跟她略讲过一些目前的处境。小姑娘就特别同情我，我想这也是这份礼物的意思。你知道这样的善意对我来说有多么重要么？它让我的心再次柔软，感激，充满希望。我的幸运不是一个抽象的概念。

给小玫瑰拍了一个特写，是好小只的迷你玫瑰，旁边放着做对比的是个比较小的汤匙。玫瑰啊玫瑰，请你在这里永远地绽放吧。希望这盆玫瑰给所有看见她的人带来幸运和快乐！

然后昨天在poster旁边除了跟N个人讲解，还遇上和Dona的一个共同朋友Ryan，真帅哥一枚呀。呃，比较重要的是，在我们谈话里他提到现在他在做精神病学的实习rotation，我也不知怎么就问上了关于depression的情况。然后帅哥很认真，跟我提了好些建议什么的，让我觉得一切也许没有那么糟糕。晚上学生的狂欢party我甚至都呆了一会，看大家玩一种Rock Band的Wii游戏，就是一组四个人，两个人玩模拟吉他，一个人打鼓，一个人主唱，模仿选定的摇滚歌曲演奏。有些表演得还真不错呢，特象那么回事！隔壁实验室的Haleh，特别酷，她可是真的音乐家！会演奏一种伊朗的乐器，弹了十几年了，而且还跟乐队演出！还出了CD！我笑了很多，这个周末的笑，比以前一个月加起来都多。

今天搭Ryan的车回来，小同学是很活泼很会搞气氛的，一路上说说笑笑了许多。他还说了很多鼓励我的话，和Jessie的话加在一起，足够让我快乐一阵了。而且，Ryan最后还说，和我在一起交流他也蛮开心的。顿时我觉得耶！我还没有彻底变成巫婆耶！真的是很厌烦自己烦躁悲观的样子，动不动就跟人吐苦水，我不要这样子！我想真的真的象冬天里的阳光－夏天的也行啊！

现在心里很多感动（每次一开心一点就开始有罪恶感，我对父母多么冷血啊，不过再想下去，就会扑通再跌回去，先不想了），计划给Jessie准备礼物，给Qing和她女儿做点好吃的，下星期带去。西西。

What a wonderful world

2009-02-12T16:22:00.003-06:00

一个朋友发给我的。我承认。。。我哭了。。。

这支歌十年前第一次听，画面和音乐唤起的，不仅仅是最初的记忆
五星级推荐啊，实在是我看过的最教人感动最可爱的视频了。

这是老阿姆斯特朗"what a wonderful world“的另一个版本，也很美，不过我觉得没有上面那个那么充满惊喜

玫瑰花心的梦

2009-02-11T21:44:00.006-06:00

看到这个图，实在是太太太可爱了啊，好像童话复活。这只小老鼠大号榛睡鼠，顾名思义，爱吃榛子，也很爱。。。睡觉。除了一年八个月的"冬眠"，其它时间也常常呼呼。睡觉多就是养精蓄锐啊，一般老鼠撑不过一年，20克不到的榛睡鼠能活5年。榛睡鼠是濒危动物，而且因为经常睡觉，一般难见芳踪。

话说在遥远的大不列颠。。。不及北爱尔兰联合王国，有这么一只小睡鼠，某天冬梦正酣的时候，被花园里一只好奇的狗狗刨开了苔藓做的小窝。责任感很强的狗狗主人赶紧把小同学送到野生动物保护中心。受了惊的小东西吃了点榛子就继续在一个椰子壳里zzZZZ。。。慕名前来的摄影师同学小心翼翼把小精灵放在一朵玫瑰花上来个特写，人家硬是没醒！玫瑰花心的梦，一定很香吧。

我觉得，这只榛睡鼠真的好幸福啊。

原文地址：http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-1141364/Enjoying-nap-petal-Even-photo-shoot-doesnt-wake-Dreamy-dormouse.html

鸽子

2009-02-11T00:43:00.003-06:00

6000在春晚的表演，虽然不是尽如人意，但是明显掀起一股魔术热潮。看有人贴了一些国际获奖魔术，个人感觉，那些什么死里逃生的实在有些可怕，干涩，还是把神奇和美结合在一起的更令我心旷神怡。这个鸽子魔术是一对法国夫妇表演的，反正我不知道是怎么变出来的，且让生活保留一点幻想。但这还不是重点，重点是，这男的长得象唐璜（其实唐璜这个人物不仅仅只是花花公子那样简单），女的穿的裙子那就是Spanish dancer风格，一摇一摆之间，实在太理解那种色彩绚烂的海洋软体动物为什么叫这个名字啦。还有！音乐是我最喜欢再熟悉不过的西班牙吉他曲，变出来的鸽子又那么白，象纯洁的梦！总之这是我看过的最美的魔术啦！

Spanish Dancer 靓照

Human - the killers

2009-02-11T00:25:00.003-06:00

I was playing "Victoria's Secret Fashion Show 2008" on background the other day and again liked the music a lot. So I did a little research, and surprisingly was truly touched by one of the song "Human" (The Killers). When I say I am "touched" by a song, it's always the lyrics that does the trick. Yes even though I don't usually listen to contemporary music, this one is definitely an exception that enchants me. As I mentioned, I've been thinking about the possibility of becoming religious. Religion is tempting, I admit, especially to someone like me who lives in a hell that nobody else can see (to some extent everyone is like that I guess), for it's reassuring, comforting. But even though I realize that I can not approach the question from a scientific perspective, pure "spirit" wise I still have two big questions. One is about the fairness of the creator, the other concerns human pride (I know they call it a sin, whatever). This song, albeit the author(s) might be thinking of being independent, rebellious in a social context, I think one can apply it to other scenarios as well. I like this verse best: bold yet very powerful -

"Pay my respects to grace and virtue
send my condolences to good
give my regards to soul and romance
they always did the best they could
and so long to devotion,
you taught me everything I know
wave good bye, wish me well"

The Killers Human Lyrics:

I did my best to notice
when the call came down the line
up to the platform of surrender
I was brought but I was kind
and sometimes I get nervous
when I see an open door

Close your eyes, clear your heart

Cut the cord
are we human or are we dancer
my sign is vital, my hands are cold
and I´m on my knees
looking for the answer
are we human or are we dancer

Pay my respects to grace and virtue
send my condolences to good
give my regards to soul and romance
they always did the best they could
and so long to devotion,
you taught me everything I know
wave good bye, wish me well

You gotta let me go
are we human or are we dancer
my sign is vital, my hands are cold
and I´m on my knees
looking for the answer
are we human or are we dancer

Will your system be all right
when you dream of home tonight
there is no message we're receiving
let me know is your heart still beating

Are we human or are we dancer
my sign is vital, my hands are cold
and I´m on my knees
looking for the answer

You´ve gotta let me know
are we human or are we dancer
my sign is vital, my hands are cold
and I´m on my knees
looking for the answer
are we human
or are we dancer

Are we human or are we dancer

Are we human or are we dancer

江南有女名丫丫

2009-02-10T00:18:00.005-06:00

算算和行云认识有八年啦，虽然从来没有真正见过面，也不是很频繁地联系，可是有时候觉得她就坐在我的旁边。我觉得你好棒。真的，我的眼光一向准的，直指人心。如果你看到，应该知道我的意思：）

现在的主题是夸夸云云的丫丫，不多说，上图是王道

爱屋及乌，小小的P了一下：）

------
02/23/09

羊羊的抓频

2009-02-08T23:20:00.003-06:00

得逞了，跟同学们分享一下

A Streetcar Named Desire

2009-02-07T20:12:00.005-06:00

I consider Vivian Leigh the most beautiful woman who ever lived in this world. Of course, apart from her undeniable beauty, there is a strong personal bias to this claim. After all, beauty is in the eyes of the beholder, isn't it? In fact, I'm afraid that I don't really know a whole lot about this beautiful woman and exceptional actress. What makes her special in my heart is her passion for love and acting, the unforgettable Myra that she portrayed in "Waterloo Bridge" (I read that in her later years she once commented that that was her favorite character), and perhaps strange to many - her neurotic side, all the suffering she went through till the end of her life.

Last Mon night I watched "A Streetcar Named Desire", an old time Oscar winning film. I've heard a long while back that in this movie Vivian Leigh successfully played a neurotic middle aged woman, and won Oscar for the second time. Well since I like her so much, when I got a chance, I thought, I have to watch this.

I don't really know how to describe my feeling while watching it or after. The excellence of Leigh's performance didn't really surprise me. To me she WAS that character Blanche, and that character completely overwhelmed me. I know I'll never have the courage to watch it again. In fact, I couldn't even finish writing up a little something afterwards, it was my heart but not my hands that were trembling.

I've found that I'm a very sympathetic person, not to say I'm good in any way, but I do seem to feel intensely other people's pain, of course, mine too. This pain is even stronger when I share similar experience or state with the suffered ones. Blanche, poor, delusional Blanche, hysterical Blanche, a woman who has no hope but a vague, fractured dream that some kind of relation with a guy, sexual or marital, will save her from all the wretchedness and keep her fading beauty on a thin line. Whatever dragged her to that state did not matter, it was the state she was trapped in that stroke me hard. That despair, nervous breakdown, even the small detail of frequently seeking comfort in a hot bath, are all so familiar to me. It was so familiar that they almost evoked some kind of resonance in my heart, painful and terrifying. I guess I have not lied or kidded myself so much that I actually believed in my illusionary dreams, but there are things that I certainly didn't want to do but did anyway. I don't know what I'll become. To ease that pain one might be capable of anything, I just don't know for how long I can still hold on to myself. Honestly if I had that kind of beauty and had been able to attract attention as Blanche did, who knows what I would have done. At least Blanche had a sister that she can go to when she had nowhere else to go. Well I don't. I really don't. There might be a few noble hearts that genuinely pity you, but I'd expect a lot more disgust and taking advantage. I can't be that way, and I won't. I don't give it a damn about the so called family I sort of have, if I know I'm close to that point, I will not endure one day more.

Vivian Leigh certainly had passed her prime years of physical beauty when shooting that film, but once in a while, when she smiled, I instantly caught a glimpse of Myra, pretty, true, faithful, innocent Myra, the girl who died willingly before life could play any more evil on her. Oh that heavenly face, that flawless smile, it broke my heart, it really broke my heart.

北极熊靓照

2009-02-07T14:54:00.008-06:00

看到一组北极熊的照片，觉得蛮可爱的，转一下共乐乐。照片作者Steven John Kazlowski。

海是我家的！

地球暖和了，我。。。有点惨

冰上芭蕾亲子组

我也有牙啊！

白狐，美吧？没有了北极熊，白狐也就无法生存。因为在最天寒地冻的日子里，白狐是无法独立捕食的。

这也太搞笑了吧

2009-02-05T19:36:00.002-06:00

最近两天虽然忙些，情绪还不错，不知道是不是和我出门的时候总抓着Mere Christianity有关。CS Lewis和JR Tolkien那样的人，和他们的文，总是让我安心。公车上时不时读一段，保佑我这两天都没有脑袋爆炸。其实读着里面的东西，除了有些地方有所感悟，很多东西都是我从来都认为自然而然的－似乎没人教过我，周围的人也几乎都不那么想。所以，感觉很好。当然这并不代表我现在就能够同意书中所有的观点，也不代表我一定最终转向上帝。我不知道。

晚上回来的时候看到关于贞洁的一章，发现个特搞笑的。老Lewis为了说明现在人们的性理念已经比较畸形了，举了这么个例子：他说不是有人看脱衣舞吗？一堆人围在一起看舞台上的女孩一件件脱衣服。食色性也，那类比的情形就是某个地方，一堆人围在一起看舞台上一个盘子。然后盘子的盖子被缓缓打开，露出里面的羊排或者火腿，那你是不是会觉得很不正常呀？我实在是笑喷了，这也太有画面感了吧。

难忘的电影台词（memorable lines from movies)

2009-02-04T23:13:00.006-06:00

持续收集ing

《费城故事》中Andrew（Tom Hanks)的一段关于歌剧的独白，可以说是我所听过的最富有激情的爱的呐喊。

This is my favorite aria. This is Maria Callas. This is "Andrea Chenier", Umberto Giordano. This is Madeleine. She's saying how during the French Revolution, a mob set fire to her house, and her mother died... saving her. "Look, the place that cradled me is burning." Can you hear the heartache in her voice? Can you feel it, Joe? In come the strings, and it changes everything. The music fills with a hope, and that'll change again. Listen... listen..."I bring sorrow to those who love me." Oh, that single cello! "It was during this sorrow that love came to me." A voice filled with harmony. It says, "Live still, I am life. Heaven is in your eyes. Is everything around you just the blood and mud? I am divine. I am oblivion. I am the god... that comes down from the heavens, and makes of the Earth a heaven. I am love!... I am love."

《Shooting Dogs》中Father Christopher (John Hurt) 在联合国准备遗弃在学校避难的卢旺达人后，决定不随其他白人撤离，说的一段话。在一片喧嚣中的平静和安详，那是人间最深沉的爱和信仰。很有感染力，但并非真人真事。。。

"I have to stay... You asked me Joe, where is God in everything that is happening here, in all these sufferings? I know exactly where he is. He is right here, with these people, suffering. His love is here, more intense and profound than I've ever felt. And my heart is here Joe, my soul. If I leave, I think I may not find it again. ... Find fulfillment in Everything, Joe!"

[Father, is that true? I know you believe it is true, and I am very much touched by it. But why? Babies who died in all these, what sins have they committed?]

印象中最残酷的一句台词是《僵尸新娘》里那个狗P爵士说的，不是因为它让人绝望，而是它极致地现出人心的残忍：

A toast! To Emily! Always the bridesmaid, never the bride! Tell me, my dear, can a heart still be broken after it's stopped beating?

动画片的结局一般都是很美好的，坏蛋说完这句话就误喝毒酒挂掉～

另外一直很喜欢Corpse Bride里别致的婚誓～
With this hand, I will lift your sorrows. Your cup will never empty, for I will be your wine. With this candle, I will light your way in darkness. With this ring, I ask you to be mine.

OK, 这个比较愤青。
Arthur "Ham" Hammond From "The Constant Gardner"
"So who has got away with murder? Not, of course, the British government. They merely covered up, as one does, the offensive corpses. Though not literally. That was done by person or persons unknown. So who has committed murder? Not, of course, the highly respectable firm of KDH Pharmaceutical, which has enjoyed record profits this quarter, and has now licensed ZimbaMed of Harare, to continue testing Dypraxa in Africa. No, there are no murders in Africa. Only regrettable deaths. And from those deaths we derive the benefits of civilization, benefits we can afford so easily... because those lives were bought so cheaply. "

《基督山伯爵》
Abbe Faria: Here is your final lesson - do not commit the crime for which you now serve the sentence. God said, "Vengeance is mine".
Edmond Dantes: I don't believe in God.
Abbe Faria: It doesn't matter. He believes in you.

《指环王》
经典太多，说个最让我温暖的：
Sam: I cannot carry it for you, but I can carry you!

"Yes Man" kinda funny and sweet
You don't think I'm scared of anything? Who do you think I am? I'm scared of a lot of things.
And I'm scared too. So let's be scared together.

孩子眼里的爱情

2009-02-04T17:36:00.009-06:00

翻译一下，因为很可爱

堕入情网是什么样的？
“就象那种你得赶紧逃命的雪崩。” （9岁）
“如果堕入情网跟学拼写差不多，那我还是算了，太花时间了。” （7岁）

关于爱情为什么发生在两个特定的人之间
“没人确定是为什么，不过我听说和你闻起来的味道有关。所以香水和除臭剂才这么流行。” （9岁）
“我想你得被一根箭射中还是怎么样，不过其余的就不会那么痛了。” （8岁）

关于爱的起源：
“丘比特吻了上帝，然后爱情就开动了。” （8岁）
”一个希腊女神暗恋一个希腊男神。他用雷电打都打不走她。过了一阵，他们就成了第一对结婚的神。“ （8岁）

关于爱的本质的思考：
”爱情是世界上最重要的事情，不过棒球也很不错。“ （8岁）

恋爱中的人一般是什么样的？
"粘糊糊的，象小狗狗。。。不过小狗狗可不会那么起劲地摇尾巴。“ （10岁）
“一个人得到初吻的时候，会摔到而且至少要一个小时之后才能爬起来。” （8岁）
“突然之间，他们变成了电影迷，好在黑暗的地方一起坐着。（8岁）

什么样的年龄适合结婚？
”84！因为到了那个年纪，你就不用工作了，可以整天在卧室里爱对方。“ （8岁）
”等我上完幼儿园，我就找个妻子！“ （5岁）

人们约会的时候大多干什么？
”第一次约会的时候，他们互相撒谎，这样就常常彼此满意，好约第二次。“ （10岁）

什么时候可以接吻？
”如果你的票子不够买一个大戒指和一个VCR，就不要去吻一个女孩，因为她会想要把婚礼录下来。“ （10岁）
”千万不要在其他人面前接吻。如果被人看到是很尴尬的。不过如果没人看见，我可能会愿意吻个好看的男孩，不过只能吻几个小时。“ （9岁）

接吻是怎么被发明的？
”我知道创造接吻的原因之一。那个时候人们的房子里一般没有电取暖器，甚至没有炉子，而接吻让人全身都暖和。“ （8岁）

一个人怎么学会接吻？
”当你被感情冲昏了头的时候当场就会了。“

超级辩证：是单身好还是结婚好？
”女孩单身好，男孩结婚好。男孩得要人在他后面收拾！“ （9岁）
”想起这个就头疼。我只是个小孩子，才不要那么麻烦。“ （7岁）

漂亮外貌在爱情中的作用
”如果你想让不是你家的人爱你，长得漂亮总没坏处。“ （8岁）
”外貌并不一定管用。看我吧，超帅的，可是都还没有人肯嫁给我。“ （7岁）
”美丽是肤浅的。不过有米就能维持上好久了。“ （9岁）

关于为什么情人常常牵手
”他们想护好戒指，别滑落了，因为他们付了很多钱买戒指的。“ （8岁）

关于爱情的秘密看法
”我还是喜欢爱情的，只要别和动画片的时间冲突。“ （6岁）
”不管你怎么躲藏，爱情都会找到你的。我从五岁就开始躲着爱情，可是女孩子们总能不断找到我。“ （8岁）
”我不想急着恋爱。四年级对我来说就够难的了。“ （10岁）

成为一个好情人的必备素质
”你们当中的一个得知道怎么写支票。因为，即使你们有很多很多爱，还是会有很多很多帐单的。“ （8岁）

万无一失让一个人爱上你的办法
”告诉他们你拥有好多糖果店。“ （6岁）
”别做糗事，比如穿臭烘烘的运动鞋。你可能会引起注意，不过引起注意和爱情可不是一回事。“ （9岁）
”有个办法是带女孩出去吃东西，一定得吃她喜欢的东西。对我来说，炸薯条一般都管用。“ （9岁）

你怎么能看出餐馆里吃饭的两个成年人在恋爱？
”看男的是不是付帐。那就说明他是不是在恋爱了。“ （9岁）
”情人只会互相盯着看，菜都凉了。其他人比较关心他们的菜。“ （8岁）
”如果他们点那种火里烧的甜点就是在爱了。他们喜欢点那个是因为爱让他们的心好像烧着了似的。“ （9岁）

人们说”我爱你“的时候一般在想什么？
”那个人在想：是啊，我真的爱他。不过我希望他每天至少洗一次澡。“ （9岁）

怎样让爱持久？
“把大部分时间用来恋爱，而不是去上班。” （7岁）
“别忘了你妻子的名字。不然爱情就糟糕了。” （8岁）
“做个接吻高手。这样你妻子可能就会忘了你从来不倒垃圾。” （8岁）
“别对人说你爱他然后又改变注意。爱跟挑你想看的电影可不一样。” （9岁）

白朗宁夫人的诗就。。。不翻了。最打动我的竟然诗那句"with my childhood faith"... 百感交集。

手的温度

2009-02-04T14:46:00.003-06:00

昨天晚上哄睡了三个宝宝。刚去的时候，手还是冰冷，弄得我实在不大敢亲近小人儿。后来有个宝宝因为爸妈刚离开开始哭闹，在护士的许可下我就抱起他边摇边哼歌，主要是红河谷，还略温习了下thank you for the music。结果太有成就感了，那小家伙真让我弄得昏昏欲睡，满足地叹了几口气就和周公的外孙去玩了。昨夜的育婴室惊人的安静，我握着手从一间转悠到另一间，来来回回估计得有二十多趟，可是基本都没听到什么声音的。偶尔有哭声，兴冲冲（我知道，我是多么得邪恶啊）凑过去，人家家人在那儿喂奶或者什么呢。于是我开始利用视觉寻找目标，发现了一个宝宝，不哭，但是皱着眉头很难受地手舞足蹈，眼睛睁得大大的，心跳接近200。宝宝好像不乐意被抱起来，我就用手轻轻地拍着她给她唱歌。她真的很乖啊，小床上都没有奶嘴（一般小孩哭一塞这个就停），我只能用手的接触来安慰她。小眉头有时候会皱起来，小嘴拟做哭状，我赶紧用另一只手轻轻抚摸她的额头。想起若干年前，有人对我说，希望可以抚平我皱起的眉头。成年人的话，是多么廉价。今天我终于做到了，为一个不相识的小小人儿，很乖很乖的小人儿，每次轻轻的轻轻的抚摸，都可以让她嫩得花瓣样的眉头更加光洁。

而我突然间也发现，我的手竟然已经如此温暖，象冬天里的阳光，我也从来没见过自己的手这么温柔和美丽。原来不知不觉间，是宝宝在温暖着我的心啊。四十多分钟后，宝宝渐渐不再挣扎，打了好几个很大的哈欠，心跳几度降到170多。我呢，一边哼哼一边摸摸，一边也被自己催眠了，跟宝宝相对哈欠N次。看看快到11点了，就心怀鬼胎地轻轻从宝宝额头向下抚摸，把已经半合的眼皮合得再牢些。离开以后，一路昏昏坐到家，睡了个好觉。小宝宝，希望你睡得一样香甜。你的人生里，不要再有痛苦。

最近事情挺多，比如super bowl party还有我在读的mere christianity。不过不是抑郁着，就是忙着，或者抑郁并忙着，没法记录下来。也许关于宗教的考虑，将来会有一个结果，再说。

More Kid's view on love and romance

2009-02-02T18:48:00.003-06:00

On what falling in love is like:
"Like an avalanche where you have to run for your life." (Roger, 9)

"If falling in love is anything like learning how to spell, I don't want to do it. It takes too long." (Leo, 7)

Concerning why love happens between two particular people:
"No one is sure why it happens, but I heard it has something to do with how you smell. That's why perfume and deodorant are so popular." (Jan, 9)

"I think you're supposed to get shot with an arrow or something, but the rest of it isn't supposed to be so painful." (Harlen, 8)

Concerning the origins of love:
"Cupid kissed God and that got the ball rollin'." (Julio, 9)

"One of the Greek lady gods got a crush on one of the Greek man gods. He tried to hit her with lightning and thunderbolts, but he just couldn't get her away from him ... After a while, they became the first married gods." (Robbie, 8)

Reflections on the nature of love:
"Love is the most important thing in the world, but baseball is pretty good too."
(Greg, 8)

How do people in love typically behave?
"Mooshy ... like puppy dogs ... except puppy dogs don't wag their tails nearly as much." (Arnold, 10)

"When a person gets kissed for the first time, they fall down and they don't get up for at least an hour." (Wendy, 8)

"All of a sudden, the people get movies fever so they can sit together in the dark." (Sherm, 8)

What is the proper age to get married?
"Eighty-four! Because at that age, you don't have to work anymore, and you can spend all your time loving each other in your bedroom." (Judy, 8)

"Once I'm done with kindergarten, I'm going to find me a wife!" (Tom, 5)

What do most people do on a date?
"On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date." (Mike, 10)

When is it okay to kiss someone?
"You should never kiss a girl unless you have enough bucks to buy her a big ring and her own VCR, 'cause she'll want to have videos of the wedding." (Jim, 10)

"Never kiss in front of other people. It's a big embarrassing thing if anybody sees you. But if nobody sees you, I might be willing to try it with a handsome boy, but just for a few hours." (Kally, 9)

How was kissing invented?
"I know one reason that kissing was created. It makes you feel warm all over, and they didn't always have electric heat or fireplaces or even stoves in their houses." (Gina, 8)

How a person learns to kiss:
"You learn it right on the spot when the gooshy feelings get the best of you." ( ?)

The great debate: is it better to be single or married?
"It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need somebody to clean up after them!" (Lynette, 9)

"It gives me a headache to think about that stuff. I'm just a kid. I don't need that kind of trouble." (Kenny, 7)

On the role of good looks in love:
"If you want to be loved by somebody who isn't already in your family, it doesn't hurt to be beautiful." (Jeanne, 8)

"It isn't always just how you look. Look at me. I'm handsome like anything and I haven't got anybody to marry me yet." (Gary, 7)

"Beauty is skin deep. But how rich you are can last a long time." (Christine, 9)

Concerning why lovers often hold hands:
"They want to make sure their rings don't fall off because they paid good money for them." (Dave, 8)

Confidential opinions about love:
"I'm in favor of love as long as it doesn't happen when 'The Simpsons' is on television." (Anita, 6)

"Love will find you, even if you are trying to hide from it. I have been trying to hide from it since I was five, but the girls keep finding me." (Bobby, 8)

"I'm not rushing into being in love. I'm finding fourth grade hard enough." (Regina, 10)

The personal qualities necessary to be a good lover:
"One of you should know how to write a check. Because, even if you have tons of love, there is still going to be a lot of bills." (Ava, 8)

Some surefire ways to make a person fall in love with you:
"Tell them that you own a whole bunch of candy stores." (Del, 6)

"Don't do things like have smelly, green sneakers. You might get attention, but attention ain't the same thing as love." (Alonzo, 9)

"One way is to take the girl out to eat. Make sure it's something she likes to eat. French fries usually works for me." (Bart, 9)

How can you tell if two adults eating dinner at a restaurant are in love?
"Just see if the man picks up the check. That's how you can tell if he's in love." (John, 9)

"Lovers will just be staring at each other and their food will get cold. Other people care more about the food." (Brad, 8)

"It's love if they order one of those desserts that are on fire. They like to order those because it's just like how their hearts are on fire." (Christine, 9)

What most people are thinking when they say "I love you":
"The person is thinking: Yeah, I really do love him. But I hope he showers at least once a day. (Michelle, 9)

How to make love endure:
"Spend most of your time loving instead of going to work." (Dick, 7)

"Don't forget your wife's name ... That will mess up the love." (Erin, 8)

"Be a good kisser. It might make your wife forget that you never take out the trash." (Dave, 8)

"Don't say you love somebody and then change your mind ... Love isn't like picking what movie you want to watch." (Natalie, 9)

史上最动人的爱情诗篇

How do I love thee?

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of being and ideal grace.
I love thee to the level of every day's
Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light.
I love thee freely, as men strive for right.
I love thee purely, as they turn from praise.
I love thee with the passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints. I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life; and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death.

-- Elizabeth Barrett Browning

Simplest Love

2009-01-31T07:04:00.012-06:00

I've been reading "Mere Christianity" by C.S. Lewis, a gift from a friend of mine. I absolutely adore JR Tolkien and CS Lewis, the combination of humbleness and talent simply soothes me. If there's any book about Christianity I'm willing to start reading, one of theirs is the way to go. So for the past week or so, during my daily commuting trips, amid the often painful or angry, desperate turmoil of my thought streams about the past and future, I began to read this book bit by bit. It seems that the author was trying to reach the point of setting the religious ground by logic deduction, although frankly many of his arguments are not compelling to me. I do understand his perspective however, in fact very much so, especially considering the historic background with which the content of this book was broadcasted in Britain to people who suffered greatly from the hateful war. More than 60 years later, these words are still comforting to a lost soul such as mine.

For those interested, here is a text version of the book
Mere Christianity

I have not yet finished the book, but have developed this thirst to revisit some essay by a world leading neuroscientist William Newsome. I do not know him directly, but I know quite a few people who knows him well. Of course, his work in Science is simply beautiful. I came to know that he was a Christian apart from a brain scientist many years ago, which was quite puzzling to me. Having been trained in this field for 10 years, most of my friends and colleagues are atheists. So I remembered that I dug out an essay that he wrote about Science and Faith and started reading it. But I suppose I didn't really put my heart in it or did not have the motivation to think from a different perspective, and just left things there. Now out of respect to CS Lewis, as well as my own desperate needs to search meaning and support, it's time to see what a big fellow working to understand the brain says about his thoughts on science and religion. The two points he clearly made as reconcilable tension between the two domains strike me this time, one being different methods deployed, the other being the difficult position of understanding free will from a deterministic point of view. More of the former for me, perhaps.

For those interested, here is a video clip of Bill's talk
William Newsome - Science and Faith, A Personal View (English)
Two essays
Science and Faith, A Personal View
Life of Science, Life of Faith (this one is more like the script of the talk)

Another relevant talk by Francis Collins, Head of the Human Genome Project. I went to his talk with a friend on Jan 21st in fact, which was also the occasion where I got the book "Mere Christianity". I like the way Newsome delivered the points, but I think essentially they are making similar arguments. As I have been thinking since a long time ago, ultimately it is a choice we have to make ourselves. To me the current situation I'm through is so hurtful that I'm thinking how to make that choice again, or, even more seriously.

I should get back to the beloved CS Lewis. One line from his "Mere Christianity" is this: "Because free will though it makes evil possible, is also the only thing that makes possible any love or goodness or joy worth having." I couldn't have agreed more. Love may be irrational, but the love I've felt out of my own choice, which is 99% of the case, have given me the greatest joy or shall I say, ecstasy in the whole world. However, due to my personal pathological condition of the incapability to control emotions in a healthy, normal way, I have deliberately banned myself from any strong feelings. I hate myself for the sorrow and rage that I constantly feel. At the same time I am afraid that if I let myself pursue the peak of a mood swing, I would only fall lower and harder in the next trough. I've been noticing that repeatedly in the past. But this state of numbness is not stable either, for I'm generally unhappy, and the slightest disturbance tends to throw me off balance, maybe not to the bottom of the abyss, but pretty awful still. I know I am sick, but to straighten myself avoiding the good things along with the bad may not be the real effective way. Perhaps it's time to allow my heart be gentle again, by starting to plainly enjoy the moments of love in life. I'm hoping some day, I will be able to love and forgive unconditionally.

I found these very cute comments about love by kids from 4-8 years old. You might be surprised to see that in the most naive and pure minds, love can be so simple yet so deep. But then when you think of it, it's not so surprising after all.

And here we go (followings are all direct quotes from the web) -

Actual Children answers to the question “What is Love”. Love according to Kids.
“When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different.You just know that your name is safe in their mouth. Billy - age 4
“Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologneand they go out and smell each other.” Karl - age 5
“Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs.” Chrissy - age 6
“Love is what makes you smile when you’re tired.”Terri - age 4 “Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sipbefore giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK.” Danny - age 7
“Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more.My Mommy and Daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss” Emily - age 8
“Love is what’s in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen.” Bobby - age 7
“If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate,” Nikka - age 6
“Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday.” Noelle - age 7
“Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still> friends even after they know each other so well.” Tommy - age 6
“During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling.He was the only one doing that. I wasn’t scared anymore.”Cindy - age 8
“My mommy loves me more than anybody.You don’t see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night.”Clare - age 6
“Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken.”Elaine-age 5
“Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Brad Pitt.”Chris - age 7
“Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day.”Mary Ann - age 4
“I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones.” Lauren - age 4
“When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn’t bend over and paint hertoenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That’s love.”Rebecca- age 8
“When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you.” (what an image)Karen - age 7
“You really shouldn’t say ‘I love you’ unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget.” Jessica - age 8

And the winner was a 4 year old child whose next door neighbor was an elderly man who had just lost his wife. When the child saw the man cry, the little boy went over into the man's yard and climbed on top of the man's lap and just sat there.
When the boy's mother asked him what he'd said to the neighbor, the little boy said, "Nothing, I just helped him cry."

中文版：“爱是什么意思？”
　1. "我奶奶得了关节炎，再也不能弯下来涂脚趾甲。于是我爷爷总是给她涂，甚至当他自己的手得了关节炎也是这样。这就是爱。"　　
　　丽贝卡- 八岁
　　
　　2. "当有人爱上你，他说你名字的方式是不一样的。你就知道你的名字在他嘴里说出来感觉棒极了。"
　　比利 - 四岁
　　
　　3. "爱就是女孩抹香水男孩涂古龙水，然后他们出去，互相闻着。"
　　卡尔 - 五岁
　　
　　4. "爱就是当你出去吃饭时，你把自己大部分薯条给某个人，而却并不在意他是不是也给你。"
　　克里希- 六岁
　　
　　5. "爱就是在你累的时候让你笑起来的东西。"
　　特里- 四岁
　　
　　6. "爱就是当我妈咪给爹地泡咖啡，在给他之前先尝一口，看看味道是不是还可以。"
　　丹尼 - 七岁
　
　　7. "爱就是你们一直接吻的时候。然后你们厌烦了接吻，但你们仍然想呆在一起，而且你们聊得更多。妈咪和爹地就是这样的。他们接吻的时候，看上去很下流。"
　　　　艾蜜俐 - 八岁
　　
　　8. "爱就是圣诞节当你在房间里拆开礼物时，让你停下来去听的东西。"
　　鲍比 - 七岁
　　
　　9. "如果你想学着爱得更好，就应该从爱你所恨的人开始。"
　　妮卡 - 六岁
　　
　　10. "爱就是当你告诉一个男孩你喜欢他的衬衫，他就每天都穿着它。"
　　诺艾尔 - 七岁
　
　　11. "爱就像一个小老太婆和一个小老头儿，尽管他们彼此很了解，但却仍然是朋友。"
　　汤米 - 六岁
　
　　12. "在钢琴独奏会上，我在台上，很紧张。望着台下，所有人都在看我。我看到爹地冲我挥手微笑，只有他一个人这么做。我就不再感到紧张了。"
　　辛迪 - 八岁
　
　　13. "妈咪爱我胜过所有人。没有人像她那样在晚上吻着我入睡。"　　
　　克莱尔 - 六岁
　　
　　14. "爱就是在妈咪把最好的鸡块给爹地的时候。"
　　伊莱恩 -五岁
　　
　　15. "爱就是妈咪看到爹地一身臭汗的样子却仍然说他比劳勃·瑞福还帅。"
　　克莉丝 - 七岁
　　
　　16. "爱就是你一整天扔下你的小狗狗不管，而它却仍然舔你的脸的时候。"
　　玛丽·安 - 四岁
　　
　　17. "我知道我姐姐爱我，因为她把她所有的旧衣服都给了我，而她却不得不出去买新的。"
　　劳伦 - 四岁
　　
　　18. "当你爱上某个人，你的睫毛忽上忽下的，小星星从里面出来。" (这会是什么样子)
　　卡伦 - 七岁
　　
　　19. "爱就是当妈咪进卫生间看到爹地在里面，而她却并不觉得恶心的时候。"
　　马克 - 六岁
　　
　　20. "你真的不能说出‘我爱你’，除非你是来真的。但是一旦你是来真的，你就应该经常说。人们总是忘记。"
　　杰西卡 - 八岁
　
　　21. 最后一个 -- 作家兼讲师里欧·布斯加利亚曾经谈到一次比赛，当时他被邀去当评委。那次比赛是要评出最有爱心的小孩。获胜者是一个四岁的孩子，他的邻居是一位新近丧妻的老者。这个小男孩看到那个老人哭泣，便走进他的院子，爬到他的膝上，然后就坐在那儿。后来他妈妈问他对那个邻居说了什么，小男孩说：“什么也没说，我只是帮着他哭。”
　　

低端PS

2009-01-30T23:53:00.003-06:00

四季 (Four Seasons)

野花 (Wild Flower)

时光流逝 (As time goes by)

野花

2009-01-28T15:59:00.019-06:00

你知道吗
我是多么羡慕你
此时此刻，在冬天的怀抱里
沉沉入睡的小野花
无人的原野上
春风是苍天永恒的承诺
当某个清晨
你和露珠一起醒来
将会那样娇艳，芬芳
洁白的肩膀干净轻松
无须对谁感恩戴德
你在金色的阳光中微微颤抖
歌唱世界上最简单的快乐
好像十五年前
教室楼梯边一瞬间的我
那时我快活是因为做了应该做的事
因为相信前方有幸福等待着
今天我只羡慕你啊
不属于上苍，也不属于我
我无法窥测的你的心灵
不论空白还是充实
他们都说
你是超越了规则的自由的
也许有一天
你会疯狂地爱上
远处飘来的一场野火
生命的汁液扑向你嘶哑的爱人
纠缠着舞蹈，上升
在看不见的地方变成没有知觉的
轻盈的云朵
来的时候，你没有罪恶
去的时候，你依然没有罪恶

（林忆莲野花，内容关系不大，就是觉得音乐蛮好听）

Wild Flower
XP, 01/28/09

Do you know that I envy you,
little wild flower?
At this very moment,
soundly asleep in the arms of winter,
on the field that no one has set a foot,
Spring wind is God's promise for ever.
You will wake up with a dew,
at a daybreak in the future.
You will be delicate, with a sweet smell,
your heart is as clean as your white shoulder.
You bear no burden, owe nothing.
You tremble in the golden sunlight,
singing for the simplest joy in the world,
just as how I felt fifteen years ago,
standing on the school stairway,
in a flashing moment that I can remember.
I was happy then for I did something I ought to do,
and I believed there would be happiness forward.
Now all that's left is my envy for you,
as you don't belong to God,
and you don't belong to me, either.
I can never see the inside of your mind,
whether it exists or not.
They all say that you are free,
unbound to the Law.
Perhaps one day, you will madly fall for
a wild fire coming from afar.
You throw all the nectar into your hoarse lover,
arise, twined together,
and turn into a weightless cloud beyond the horizon.
When you come,
you are not a sinner.
When you leave,
you are still not a sinner.

过年

2009-01-24T22:51:00.010-06:00

星期一是大年初一，勤奋忙碌永远为别人操心的朋友Y又喊上我去她家吃饭。可以自豪地说，在她家厨房，我还是能帮上点忙的。于是Y和她的女儿，还有另一个朋友一家（婆婆媳妇儿子以及和我同月同日比我小整一百岁的小女儿），再加上一个我挺讨厌的孤身老女人（OK, I know I'm mean saying that, but something about her really bugs me: she just takes all kind gestures from others for granted and acts like everyone owes her. Well, I don't like that. Anyways.）。满满一桌子菜啊，当然，在百忙的充当各种下手之间，我也整出了著名的苏式红烧肉，并获得一定好评（电炉接触不良，烧的时间太长，最后瘦肉略干，遗憾）。

部分菜菜合影，特别友情提醒注意后排左二同学，看人家汁水的厚重感！

朋友女儿和我精心摆的拼盘

干杯！右上角白白胖胖咧得很大的嘴，就是在下的
再注意一下红烧肉！颜色淡了些，因为没有老抽，只好用生抽和少许红糖。

朋友的女儿，很有趣的小姑娘，14岁，有点自己的想法，也蛮有点艺术细胞。玩我电脑上的photoshop，练习出这么张图片，觉得挺好看的

谢谢你让我过了一个完美的新年。

I am a believer

2009-01-24T11:16:00.015-06:00

The other night I had another bad dream, the end of which I fortunately could no longer recall when I woke up. In the beginning of that dream I seemed to be reliving the dreams I had for numerous times in childhood: my parents were scolding me harshly; I ran to the window and jumped. Of course we know in dreams the impossible become trivial, and we are not at all bound by physical laws as so often awkwardly in real life. Does that mean that our mind is more free than our body? I do not know. But I know in my dreams I can fly almost always. So in those dreams after I jumped out of the window I started to fly. I've become so familiarized with the surrounding buildings through the repeated virtual experiences. You see, I don't really fly like a bird in my dreams: I need to hop to the top of something of certain elevation before I lift off, and the higher I start, the freer I am of gravity. That is why I remember in particular what nearby constructions were when my mind was perhaps being fooled by rhythmic waves. An interesting detail about them is that they seemed to persist with what they looked like when I was really little, and did not change in later years when new buildings emerged one after another. With my deeply flawed ability to fly especially at takeoff, I would not have possibly been able to escape with all that crowdedness. But I have to believe that I can. Perhaps that is why my dreams refused to change with the reality. Of course, reality itself can not refuse the changes.

In the imaginative story of my dream, I this time was not a kid who spread her arms and flew away like a refugee supergirl. Instead, I transformed into a white swan, not so much more liberated from my old pathetic flying skill though. So I desperately flapped my wings and turned my head to look back. It then frightened me to see that my father had also transmuted into a big white bird, chasing after me furiously. Overwhelmed with panic, I sped up beating my wings, meanwhile fully utilizing my primate brain which apparently retained some of its sulci and gyri. After some quick reasoning, I decided to transform again into a goose, so that I can still fly high yet at the same time confuse the white bird after me. It is a bit funny that I didn't think of turning into an eagle or another raptor. But on the other hand, I know I could never be a predator, I just could not. The story line got fuzzy from that point. I vaguely remember that later I met a young girl who showed me something that revealed a terrifying truth. A father figure of hers stood by when she told me about this, and I maybe envied her for a little while because of that.

In fact, this absurd series of images is not a total surprise to me when I come to think of it. They may reflect, as it were, certain resentments that quietly grow in my heart at my father, for not having protected me even though he might have realized that I was being treated unfairly long before I did. I try hard to suppress such angers toward him or toward my mother. In fact, I don't think I consciously hate either of them. I understand that they did what they did as fellow human beings inescapable of flaws, and perhaps as a consequence of what they had been through earlier in their lives. But in the pathological mood swings of mine, those resentments stir up from time to time, even though I resent myself for holding these very grudges. A big part of the reason that I can't let go, I ratiocinate, is that I feel the urge to reconcile with them as soon as possible but just don't have the strength or courage to face them.

And there is another part of the reason. I look back and chew over flashes of my life, gradually realizing that as a matter of fact, probably not by choice, I have always been a believer. I was born to believe in something, and I did with whatever available to me that seemed most reasonable. So often I feel the yearning to follow, to please and to be devoted to something larger and greater than my own being. I believed that my parents loved me, whereas I had been an ungrateful, selfish child all along (meaning with effort, I will turn "good" and properly return their love and make them happy). I believed Science was a sacred course, for which I was willing to dedicate all my time and life. I believed in love, so I loved and gave without reservation. Sadly for me, these three things that I believed in so much fell apart one after another in front of my very own eyes. To tell the truth, I hold no, or very little grudge against all other people who might have broken my heart at some point, because they do not owe me anything and to trust them was my own choice in the first place. But parents are different. A child, from the day he/she came to this world, had no other option but to trust unconditionally their parents. One would think it horrible to use such trust for maximizing personal gain, would one not? My position is especially awkward however, as many other Chinese children who have been emotionally or physically abused perhaps to an even greater extent, since rooted in our culture is the ground rule that children must respect and obey their parents unquestioningly. Any doubt or challenge against this principle is not just frowned upon, but in fact considered a monstrous crime. The sense of shame may not only come from the outside criticisms, but also from within (which is often the more devastating one). I therefore suffer, from this constant conflict and struggle, as well as from the despair of an innate believer who has nothing to believe.

I have always been fairly lucky, however, with friendships. Over the years, joyful or painful, I met so many great friends who cared about me truly, who did not give up on me when I gave up on myself, without whom I might have not been able to live till this day. Because of that I know, if there is a God from above, He has not given up on me either. On the road ahead, I know I will always be a believer. In addition to the existence of the good side of human nature (note that this is a hazy term), I very likely will need to pick up something else more concrete to believe after serious, long contemplation. No matter what it is, I will hold it dearly and closely to my heart. I am a believer, therefore I am. Or is it I am, therefore I am a believer? I do not know. I just believe, that I am a believer.

拜年

2009-01-24T06:44:00.008-06:00

过年过节最喜欢的事情就是给朋友发贺卡。告诉那些平时或者因为这样那样的原因而疏于联系的亲爱的朋友们，我想着你，我祝福你。还有隐藏的意思：谢谢你做我的朋友。
God Bless You All.

E版效果

In the pursuit of happiness

2009-01-19T15:18:00.008-06:00

从明天起，做一个冷酷的人
喂马，劈柴，什么都不care
从明天起，不吃粮食和蔬菜
In the pursuit of happiness，面朝大海，I stand by

从明天起，再也没有一个亲人
亲人是生僻的典故
而幸福的闪电告诉我的
我将告诉每一个人
给每一条河每一座山取一个无关的名字

陌生人，我会为你祝福
愿你有一个灿烂的前程
愿你有情人终成眷属
愿你在尘世获得幸福
In the pursuit of happiness, I too, stand by

今天天气开始回暖一些，到了学校才发现是马丁路德纪念日放假。中午离开的时候，有风，吹斜楼前的喷泉，又忍不住盯着看。突然发现喷泉边有道彩虹，赶紧奔回去借了相机拍下来。

走近一些，彩虹的位置微微变化。

两年前因为花期过去而为之惆怅过的小花又开放了，还早，只稀稀落落几朵，大概因为污染的缘故边缘发黄。不过，我还是觉得很美丽。

永远在一起

2009-01-14T12:52:00.007-06:00

昨天晚上第一次正式跑去抱宝宝，两个多小时一共只抱了两个。第一个叫William，据说吃了一瓶奶被拍了20分钟还没打出嗝来，睁着眼睛昏昏欲睡的样子。小心翼翼从护士大娘那里接过来，先是战战兢兢按指示保持人家和水平面成比较大的锐角，一只手在后面拍呀拍。小Bill的呼吸好像有点问题，我仔细竖着耳朵也没完全搞清他打嗝了没有，怎么样才是在打嗝？感觉是几乎肯定打了的。旁边另外一个护士过了会儿让我把锐角变得小一点，不知不觉间我发现自己竟然很自然地用上了小时候电视里看到的哄小孩睡觉的姿势，还蛮老到的！就是两只手侧抱，一只手掌轻轻地在宝宝身上有节奏地拍动，一边哼哼歌。和Alani一样，本来已经闭目养神的小William也是一听到歌声就使劲把眼睛打开一条缝，窥视一下声音来源的可亲或者可憎度，然后又接着觉觉了。听护士说，他本来马上就可以出院的，可是突然出现心律的问题...希望可以早点好啊。。。至少这个夜晚的这个时刻，他在我的怀抱里沉沉睡去，呼吸也变得均匀。

后来抱的是一个比较大一点的宝宝，女婴，在输液。抱着她的那个负责护士一看就是不耐烦的样子，我接过来以后，那个护士坐了一会就开始慢悠悠地讲手机。我觉得挺生气的，因为培训的那天明明看见墙上有写育婴室里不准带手机啊。她讲了起码有一个小时！而且输液完了仪器报警还要我喊她几遍才慢悠悠地过来，K，我们做小猴子实验一管输完的时候也比这动作快好不好？因为输液，小女婴的手脚都很凉，而我一般手冰冷的，不知是不是最近红豆吃多了，当时咱这双大手可温暖了，象个永远不会有危险的火炉！慢慢的宝宝的手脚真的热多了呢。我发现，哄小孩子，一个是要轻轻摇晃，哼歌，一个就是塞奶嘴（pacifier）！后者最管用。我大概抱了一个半小时的样子，到最后宝宝渐渐止不住地哭，我想八成是饿了，因为有好几次她拼命在我身上找乳汁的来源！可是，我不是不想啊，我没有啊！而且义工既不能喂宝宝，也不能给他们换尿布。而那个护士呢，还在慢慢悠悠地讲电话。。。11点多我要赶最后一班车只好走了，女娃娃还在哭，不过还好另外一个护士还是什么相关人员走过来，我就把宝宝交给她了。婴儿床边的名字据说都是护士贴的，所以一点也不奇怪，这个女婴的床边根本没有名字。那个不知名的宝宝，有一双很漂亮的眼睛。十几年后，不知道有多少少年会为她倾倒。

等车的时候，我在想，那些宝宝，大概是世界上最容易信任别人的人。对母亲的信任，应该是哺乳动物的本能吧。笑笑抬头看看天，虽然冷，可是没有云，一颗颗星星发着清亮的光。我看见大大的北斗，总没想起来花时间去认全的，一如既往沉默地挂在天上。在所有人类有限的生命里，它们永远都在一起。

Baby don't cry

2009-01-11T20:28:00.005-06:00

在因为“又抑郁了”而错过两次抱宝宝培训之后，一度心灰意冷。一方面觉得自己这么背信弃义，人家十之八久不想要我了；另一方面，还是对自己的状态没有信心，要是情绪上来了抱着宝宝那可怎么办呀。所以，曾经想让一切悄悄地随风而去。生活中，很多东西都是不知不觉，悄无声息地消失的。但是！儿童医院义工中心竟然又给我发了一封培训通知，就是今天啦。两星期前收到的时候精神为之一振，决定不做声，跟着感觉走。到了这周末不断放松心情，没有出现起不了床的状况，中午时分便雌纠纠顶着相对凛冽的寒风一路颠簸着跑到儿童医院去了。

没有想到的是，除了一个老先生大致介绍了一些事项内容，今天就有机会试着抱抱宝宝。进了育婴室，一个个小极了小极了的娃娃躺在大篮子里。和本来想像中电视电影里面的不一样，每个宝宝都有好大一块地盘。其实难怪，电视上看到的是正常出生的宝宝，可是这里的宝宝，多多少少都是生了病的。新义工开始抱的是中等病况的娃娃，有刚出生的，有早产的。状况最严重的娃娃要干了四五年有经验的义工才可以碰的。这样我也放点心，要是眼看着哪个宝宝。。。估计我还是受不大了的。

四个大育婴室里，每个小娃娃身上都多少缠着一些测量仪器的导线。这情形对于做了多年医学实验的我，倒不是很陌生，也不害怕。不过，老实讲，长这么大，要是结婚早，孩子都应该能打酱油了，可我还从来没有抱过刚出生的宝宝呢。老先生带我们走到一个吸氧气，鼻饲奶水的深色皮肤宝宝面前，慈祥地转向我们，问谁想先试试。另两个女孩开始都不是很积极，我。。。拼了！

当我战战兢兢在摇椅上坐下，老先生把娃娃递过来的时候，我只觉得全身每个细胞都是僵硬的。娃娃热乎乎的小脑袋碰到我的胳膊，融化的好像是我的心。旁边的护士和老先生都很和蔼，叫我不要紧张。大概我一紧张，宝宝也紧张，本来睡着的，没一分钟嘴巴一扁大哭起来。老先生赶快把pacifier往宝宝嘴里塞过去，真灵哎，人家马上就不哭了。我深呼吸N口气，按护士说的松弛了身体往后靠，轻轻地哼起〈红河谷〉。实战发现，节奏简单的曲子哄宝宝感觉最好！宝宝听到我的声音，似乎明显平静了一下，但是大约又不是很放心，使劲儿使劲儿把眼睛睁开N个半秒钟视察我，我赶紧递上谄媚的笑容。宝宝比较满意，沉沉地又睡了，我就一直一直小声给他哼着歌！其实这样生病的娃娃，身上插那么多东西，肯定会有些不舒服的。希望他可以健康的长大，等他象我这么大的时候，我或者老了，或者离开，但是也许他会比我快乐，比我坚强，比我幸福。

小时候的事情，我已经不记得了，那两个最可能曾经哄我不哭的人，现在都已不在人世。我坐在这里，怀中抱着小小的婴孩，好像在那一瞬间，更加理解生命的意义，冲淡了心里的悲哀。对了，这个宝宝叫Alani，特地查了一下，是橘子或者橘子树的意思。

冬季到网上来看花

2009-01-09T13:49:00.014-06:00

注明：所有图片来源于互联网。

K: The English illustrations are just added for you! :)

兰花，心中传统的形象。若是白色，更好。

Chinese orchid. I'd love it even more if it's white.

经典玫瑰，象满天星星下红衣女郎的裙摆。

Roses are red; Violets are blue; Sugar is sweet; and so are you :) Classics, isn't it?

勿忘我。真是矛盾啊，如果有一天我离去，希望没有人记得我。又有一点点，希望被记得。

Forget-me-not. To me the name itself is a little poem.

充满风情的太平洋岛屿上著名的鸡蛋花。

Egg flower? Go Hawaii!

蓝眼睛的玛丽。第一次见到是十年前，地上小小一片，象星星，象最纯洁的无辜的眼睛。

Blue-eyed Mary. Awwww. I saw this flower about 10 years ago in a botanic garden. Just couldn't forget about it.

其实白色是因为她拒绝所有的光明，所以，她也很脆弱。

Lily. Yeah I like white flowers.

妇姑相唤浴蚕去，闲着中庭栀子花。想来不“浴蚕”的季节，她是不“闲”的

Gardenia. Very classical in ancient Chinese poetry (yeah I love poetry too), for the pronunciation of it sounds similar to "understanding you". Also very, very fragrant!

梅须逊雪三分白，雪却输梅一段香

Plumb flower. Favored by ancient Chinese intellects. This flower blooms in late winter, sometimes while it's still snowing. Considered to represent one's integrity despite extremely difficult conditions.

城中桃李愁风雨，春在田间油菜花：）

Flower of rapeseed. A pretty typical cash crop. When a whole field is covered with its bright yellow, it's simply splendid.

原来摩羯座的诞生花是满天繁星，英文的名称更好， baby's breath，我稀饭～

Yeah it's baby's breath, Capricorn's flower :)

处女座的诞生花大理花，先给这颜色晕得七荤八素的。。。再看双鱼座，“温柔浪漫，具有直觉性和艺术性，肯自我牺性”，这每条都是反的，也太离谱了吧，决定从此憎恨郁金香！

Supposed to be Virgo's flower (no I'm not really a big fan of horoscope, nevertheless...)

绿玫瑰

So you see I was not lying :D

你在他乡还好吗？

2009-01-06T20:52:00.008-06:00

因为生日陆续收到一些祝福，觉得很开心也很感动，今天心情好些了，想想那个远方的最近比较郁闷的朋友，是时候跟她谈谈了。忙碌了一天回到家里赶紧给她打了个电话，本来是劝解她的。这个朋友，什么都好，就是太喜欢给自己压力，什么事情没有做到最好就自责不已。我现在不能听人说人家郁闷，特别是那些没有家庭的单身朋友，一听就着急，扑上去就苦口婆心地跟人说，你不要抑郁啊，时间长了不好！血的教训，我自己，就是因为当初不懂得保护自己，硬生生地拖了太久，弄得现在不是一般的病态。更何况，这是个七八年的好友。结果呢，不知道怎么搞的，劝着劝着，提到父母，我自己居然在电话里失声痛哭，太糟糕了，人家还要反过来劝我，汗。

相互该说的都说了，朋友又要忙她的实验去，而我挂了电话，仍然头昏脑胀，被绝望痛苦的情绪笼罩着。最近干了不少不正常的事情，比如半夜里等车的时候放声大哭，比如半夜里突然离开公寓，坐一个多小时的车走着很不安全的夜路跑到学校睡一个晚上，暴饮暴食，随时流泪之类都是小菜。如果时光能够倒流，我会对当年的自己说，伤心可以，不可以一直放任自己伤心，不可以放任任何人不断地伤你的心，任何人都不可以。我希望，当年有人这样告诉我，或者。。。写不下去了，开大音乐咬着被子放声大哭一下。。。可能我的性格是一个奇特的组合，可能一切都是上天的安排。又怎么样呢，原来我讨好了几十年的人其实可能对我原本无情，冷冷也可能是无知地把我逼到心灵的绝境，而且，现在还特别得恨我。而我的成长背景，又不允许我怨恨他们。当我不能摆脱自己的病态，譬如现在，这种绝望而孤独的心情，使得生不如死。朋友说了许多宽慰鼓励的话，我很感激。我也曾反复对她说，不要为我担心，我会努力坚持。如果万一有一天没有坚持下去，你应该为我开心，那是我终于得到了解脱。当然，只是打打预防针，一切都会好起来。

朋友提到七八年前初相识之际我们一起出去野营，我跳上石头桌子为他们唱歌，那个时候，我是个多么开心的人啊。

那个笑容不再来

曾经爱着科学

象朋友说的，人人都有自己的不幸，在某个时候，在某个地方。大概出于同病相怜的心理，我对那些身在异乡的人有特别的牵挂，希望你们在他乡，都要好好的。不要太孤独，不要给自己太大压力。多多珍重，也只有你自己，才能珍重你。

流着眼泪打完这些字，我还是想好好的，我想活下去。记得在异国的第一个生日，在学校走廊里碰到隔壁实验室年长我十岁的姐姐，傻乎乎跟她提起是我的生日，她赶紧把我带回家做了点吃的表示一下庆祝。Kathy现在应该早就结婚生子了，希望你在远方幸福。希望我能够把你当初给我的温暖，传递给别人。

雪绒花

2009-01-05T19:39:00.009-06:00

今天是我的生日。照理，生日是个很让我郁闷的日子，本来所有应该开心的日子都让我郁闷，而生日又是所谓“母难日”，所以更郁闷。早上挣扎着爬起来，已经想好了晚上回来大哭N场的结局。

从小到大，貌似身边和我同一天生日的人巨多。高中有个同班大帅哥，和我同年同月同日生。当然，生活不是四儿说的那样，so，大帅哥同学现在是别人的老公。好像别的班也有这一天生日的。到了大学，同班居然又有个同年同月同日的（这个是中等）帅哥！现在一路漂泊到这个牛仔城市，好嘛，和同一个实验室同事的小儿子还是同月同日。当然，这个小帅哥年龄是我的三分之一。。。因为如此，那个同事对我说，每一年你的生日，我都会给你发信说句生日快乐，这样每年都至少会有一个人祝福你的！这些都不稀奇，比较搞的是，今天上午接个朋友的电话，说我们那个准妈妈朋友已经光荣转正。这位目前还不到一天大的小朋友，你猜怎么着，还是和我同月同日。年龄，咱就不做比较了。。。不管怎么说，有个女的同行人了。。。

但是白天都没有郁闷得很厉害，就是一个远方的好朋友跟我提到她最近很郁闷，看完信哭了一下下。要说我反正是烂人一个了，可是她好好啊，为什么生活这么不长眼呢？不过一番email交流，最后她说她会好起来的，就有点高兴。另外就是忙着满世界送我的宝贝CD，有人专门写信来说很喜欢很喜欢，很是开心了一回～

下午的时候小塞居然冒出来，可怜的小同学跑来一看，满实验室一个都不认识了，唯一一个认识的－就是我，当时心情很差－躲在角落里戴着耳机放很响的音乐。等终于打个照面，我黑一跳啊黑一跳，本来精瘦的小塞愣是丰满了许多，头上的卷毛也直了，变成一中等好看的小青年咧。不过看到熟面孔还是蛮开心的，还是喜欢他那亲热的招呼方式和明朗的笑容。和实验室另外两个同事也因为比较熟点了感觉更亲切些，而且俄国老头今天没来！－为什么有时候一点极小的事情就可以让我开心起来呢？

对自己这种极不稳定的状态真是没有信心，所以也不下什么新决心了。不知道为什么，有种预感新的一年会发生改变，要么彻底结束，要么从根本上扭转。不论如何，祝愿天下所有知道和不知道自己生日的人（特别坏的人除外）生日快乐，有生的日子天天快乐。

继续自娱自乐一哈～
罗密欧与朱丽叶

月亮代表我的心

欢乐颂～

小小钢琴

2009-01-03T14:58:00.007-06:00

点击进入用键盘弹钢琴的小游戏

由sleep_forest创作

键位对照表如下：
低音中音高音超高
1234567 1234567 1234567 12345
abcdefg hijklmn opqrstu vwxyz

《月亮代表我的心》
LOQSONQS STUVTS QPOOO QPOOO PQPOMPQP LOQSONQS STUVTS QPOOO QPOOO PQPMNOPO QSQPOSN MNMNMLQ SQPOSN MNOOOPQP LOQSONQS STUVTS QPOOO QPOOO PQPMNOPO

《童话》
LONOL LONOL LONO OOMML
LONOL LQPPO LONOM MMOTS
PPRRQQ QQNPOONO ONOR LSRQP
PPRRQQ QQVUTUV VPOT TTSSS
LSRQQRQ QRQ RQPO
OQST TTSPPRQ OQST
TTSPPRQRQPO PQMMOONO

《安静》
QQQQPONPPPO LQPOOOLQPOOP
QQQQPONPPPO LQPOOOLQPOOPPQR
RRRRQPOOOPP LSSSRQPPPQQ
MRQRQPOONOL QRQRQPOPS
LQRSRQSLQRSRQS LQRSRQOPPPQO
SSOONOOSSOONOO RRQQPPORRQQPPO
LQRSRQSLQRSRQS LQRSRQOPPPQO
SSOONOOSSOONOO RRQQPPOORQPOMOO

《好好恋爱》
JKLLLLLKJIIL NNONOOOPQNNL
HMMMJMOLLLLJH KKKJKLMMMOML
JKJJKLLLLJIHHO NMLML
JHHMMLLLKJ OOOONOPP
LRQLLRPLRQRQRQPO ONMMQMQMLLQLQL
RQRQOP LRQLLRSPLRQQQRQPQ
ONMMQMQMLLQLQPOM OPNMNMNQPOO

《痴心绝对》
OPQQQRQPPOPPSP ONOOOQQOOMNNQN
MLMMMRRQSO MLMMMRROOMP
OOPQQQRQPPOPPSP ONOOOQQOOMNNQN
MLMMRRQSO MLMMMRROOONO

《会呼吸的痛》
STVTXXTW WWVUVWXWSV
VUTUVRRRVVWVSSS SYXWXX
STVTXXTW WWVUVWXWSVV
VUTUVRRRVVWVSSS STUVVUVV

《欢乐颂》
J J K L L K J I H H I J J I I
J J K L L K J I H H I J I H H
I I J H I J K J H I J K J I H I E
J J K L L K J I H H I J I H H

《小星星》
OOSSTTS RRQQPPO
SSRRQQP SSRRQQP
OOSSTTS RRQQPPO

《千千阙歌》
HHIJ LMONNNLJ
IIIJK MOQPPNL
HHIJ LMONNNLJ
IIIJK MOQPPNL
MLMLMNNMN PPPPNOPQ
QQPPPOQ NLM
LMOPQQPQ QPOP OMM
LMOP QQPQ QSTSQQ
QQPPOPOM QQRQPOP QQ Q P
POP OMOO

《婚礼进行曲》
HKKK HLJK HKNNMLKJKL
HKKK HLJK HKMOMKILMK
NMLII JKLL NMLII JKLL
HKKK HLJK HKMOMKILMK
ILMKK

《樱花》
MMN- MMN- (-延长音的意思)
MNON MNMK- ( 下划线是连音的意思)
J HJ K JJHG-
MMN－ MMN－
JKNMK J－－－

《想唱就唱》
onopol jkkklj
onopol lmmmon
onopqolj opolj
onopqolo rqpoq
qrst oopqp
pqrs srqpq
qrstss uuvuspq rqrs
qrst oopqp
pqs quuqv vuvtsoo tsrqrs ts
qrst oopqp
pqrs srqpq
qrstss uuvuspq rqrs
qrst oopqp
pqs quuqv vuvtsoo tsrqrs

《梦里》
qqqqqqpo lmoooomq
qqqqstsqp lpppppsq
qqrs oopq llmoqpsq
qqrs oopq llmoqpoo
opqrsssrqrss
ssssvtsq
qqpo opm moppppqp
opqrsssrqrss
ssssvtsq
qqpo opm mopqqqqpom
qqqqqqpo lmoooomq
qqqqstsqp lpppppsq
qqrs oopq llmoqpsq
qqrs oopq llmoqpoo
opqrsssrqrss
ssssvtsq
qqpo opm moppppqp
opqrsssrqrss
ssssvtsq
qqpo opm mopqqqqmpqt

DON'T LEAVE ME ALONE
M LL MLJ LLNO NM
M LL MLJ LLJ NNNON
MMLLMLJ LL NONM
M LLM MLLM MLLM ----

A SONG FOR XX

OQST TTTTSRS
OQST TTTTSRS
OQST TTTTSRS
SRQQRP OQRP

TUVTWVUVV
TUVTWVUVV
TUVTWVUV
TUUWV
TUUWV

TTTTQQQSTT
TSRSRSTQ
TTTTQQQSTT
TTVUTUTS
SVU
TTTTQQQSTT
TSRSRSTQ
QPO
OPQ SRQR QPPOO

XWV XWV
VUTUS
XWV XWV
VUTUVV
XWV XWV
VUTUS
XWV XWV
VVVUV

Depend on you （副歌部分）
————————————————
MQPO ON NONM
MQPO OPOPQQ
LMON MNPO ONMM

以及一些耳熟能详的.......

《送别》

LJLO MOL LHIJ IHI LJLO NMOL LIJK GA

《雪绒花》
J-L-P-- O-L-K--
J-J-JKL-M-L-
J-L-P-- O-L-K--
J-L-LMN-O-- O--
P-L-NML-J-L-O--
M-O-P-O-N-L--
J-L-P-- O-L-K--
J-L-LMN-O-- O--

《小步舞曲》

LHIJKLHH MKLMNOHH K LKJIJ

KJIHI JIHGH JHIJHI EFGEH FGHFGFGE

LHIJKLHH MKLMNOHH K LKJIJ

KJIHI JIHGH

《生日快乐》

EEFEHG EEFEIH

EELJHGF KKJHIH
枉凝眉（红楼梦片头）

MM-- MM--
TUTTQ ST TQ--
PQP PM OP OPM--
O PQ QM QP--
QSTU TU TUQS--
QL MO MQ PQMO--
N NMN PQPNSQPNQPQLOMM--
VTT- VW VWVWTVT T-SQQ-

梁祝
CEFHIFHE LOMLJLI IJ GF EFHI CHFEFHE JLGIFHE CEC EFGIF
EFHILJ IJIH FECH FHFE CEFHE

《梁祝》Flash键盘钢琴谱
LJIH IGFE
NMNLMKJL IJLIJKJIH
LGIFHE FHE
CEFHI FHE
LOMLJLI
IJGFEFHICHFEFHE
JLGIFHE CECEFGIF
EFHILJIJIHFECH FHFECEFHE
JLIJIHGFE

该死的温柔
HI JMMJI GH ILLIH
FGHKKHFGE FGHFHJI HI
JMMJI GILLMJIH
FGHKKHFGE HJIGEIH

有和弦的小星星吧(注意上行右手，下行左手)这个也挺容易的
HHLL MML- KKJJ IIH-
AECE AECE AECE AECE

LLKK JJI- LLKK JJI-
AECE AECE AECE AECE

卡农
SQR SQR SLMN OPQR
QOP QOP QJKL MNON
MON MLK LKJK LMNO
MON ONO NLMN OPQR
SQR SQR SLMN OPQR
QOP QOP QJKL MNON
MON MLK LKJK LONO
MON ONO NLMN OPQRS

如果云知道
lljij hhhihe lllljij hijll honm m mlkm mlmo llll loh kjko jihi ipp poqp p
qqqq p ol qqqq po m qqq p pom qqq p pql oom q pp op lqs mo

歌唱祖国
eehejhlml lloomlkml l llmmii ilkj eellmlkjjih h lloommlk l m iillm lkjih h
hejj jhmm ffiijihgfe heffehij immllji m l oooolm o mlkml ooo llmlkjih

我愿意
lljih ijiih fhffe
lljih ijiih fhfijikjih
hhhih onmml jih hhhihij
hhhih onmml oomjhi jji
eljih eljih honnm lmljl
honnm llojih jkjhfhfe
eljih eljijih honnm lmljl
honnm llojih jkjhfh kjhfh ih

旋木
lpopopspononl lnononmmnopq
ommmmmrqpq mpqpqpoomqp
lpopopspononl lonnnnmmnopq
ommmmmrqpq mpopoppooqo
posqq qqpol lonmnonmlqq
qpqrp qppo rqomlqp
posqq qpqq lonmnonmlqq
qpqrp qppo rqrono

男儿当自强
MOMOMLM
MOMOLMP
QOPS QPQO
PQOPM
OPMOL
MOPOML MOL
MOMLM OPOML
MOLMP QSPQT
QTSRQSQPQ
QSTUTSQ QSTUSTU
TUTSQSTUTSQSP
QPOPSRQSP
PQSTQSQPO MPO
MOPQN NQPNM
MOMLM
MOMLM
QSPQT

梦醒了(个人摸索的)
jjjjiih iiihif hhhhffhjiihfe
jjlljih iiijfi hhhhffhjiihfh
kjkjhjh hhfhhhhhfji
kjkjhjh hhfllllljjkml
onmlljlml jlmmomlji
jihijm jihijn mnooooompo
mq mo

Kiss The Rain（灰）
LOP PQQ OPQ PSS STU UVV W XWV U
VUS STT SRRSS OPQ QRR SRQ Q P
LOP PQQ OPQ PSS STU UVV WXWV U
VUS STT SRRSS OPQR M O N O

简化版德沃夏克的
《自新大*陆》
JLL JIH IJLJI
JLL JIH IJIHH
MOO NLM MONLM
JLL JIH IJIHH

约定》
LOPQPOQPLL JMNONMONJL MLLKKOJJPO
PQRQQPOMP LOPQPOQPNL QMNONMONJL
MLLKKOPQO MNOMOTSS POSQ QPONOMJM
OPOTR RQRMNOP QRSSSTO
SNPO PQMORQRSP POSQ QPONOMJM
OPOTR RQRMNOP QRSSSTO
SNPO PQRMRQOPO

《星语心愿》歌谱
TVUTSTQ TSTVUVUTUV
VWXXXXW VUTUS TVUTST
QSTXWVUV VUTTTTSSTQ
SSTXWVUVV VUTTSUT
《菊花台》歌谱

JJIJ JLJIJ HHIJLJ IIHI
JLML MLLJL EJIJLJIIIHI
JJIJ JLJIJ HHIJLJ IIHI
JLML MLLJL JIJLJIIH
HIJJLM MQPOOML MLJIH
FHIIHI HIJJLM MQPOOPO
LLJNOHIJ I H

好心分手
JLLLLLLLKJ JLLJLOPNML JMLMNOJJII HMLMLMOLLML
HIJJKL JLNMNPOMNOJKL LMNMNOM KLMMNOMMONOQP NOPLMN RRRQPQO LLONOQP QQQQPQO JJMLMNNNONMNM JLMLMNO

OONOQQPPONOQPPOO

《同一首歌》
E H I J K J H I H F H
E H I J J K L H K J L I J I
J L O N M M
L L M N M L J
K K L M L K J I G G F E F H
O M K L M N N N N M L J
O M K L M F F F M K J I
E H I J K J H H I I I I H F F
G G F E M L I I K K K J I H

《茉莉花》
j j l m o o m l l m l
j j l m o o m l l m l
l l l j l m m l
j i j l j i h h i h
j i h j i j l m o l
i j l i j h f e
f h i j h i h f e

<让我们荡起双桨>
FHIJLLJHIF
让我们荡起双桨
HIJLLMIJ
小船儿推开波浪
JLMLMONMLMJ
海面倒影着美丽的白塔
HIJLHFHIJML
四周环绕着绿树红墙
JMMLKJ IJLFHI HIJLLMONMLJM
小船儿轻轻飘荡在水中迎面吹来了凉爽的风

国际歌
HK JLKHFIG
IL JIHGGF
HKJLKHFI-G I LK JLN-J K
ML J-I JKI J-H
HG HIIL-J J-J
LLJHHGHM-K
IJKJLKKIH
MLK-H F I-G LK
J-I H H
HM-LHK J
JJIHILL
MLK-H F I-G
LK JJ IHM
MONMLMN
NMMLLK

莱茵梦提供《忘情水》
OP-QSSSSQS VVVVTQS OOOOOP QSSSTQ PPPQQOP OP-QSSSSQS
VVVVTQS OOOOOP QSSSTQ PPPOMLO

嘿嘿，这首，短线代表等一拍哈《友谊地久天长》
LO-OO OP-OP QPO-OQ-S-T TS-QQ OP-OP QPO-MM-LO

《梦中的婚礼》
MMNNOONNMMJJHHFFLLKKJKLK KKLLMMNNLLIIKKJJIIKJ
JFHJIJ FHJIJ FHKJK FHKJK KJKKLLMLMJ
QMOQPQ MOQPQ MORQR MORQR RQRRSSTSTQ
O JJKK IINN IIJJ HHMLM HHII GJIJ
O OOPP ONML LMLJ O OOPP ONML LMLM

《约定》
LOPQPOQPLL JMNONMONJL MLLKKOJJPO
PQRQQPOMP LOPQPOQPNL QMNONMONJL
MLLKKOPQO MNOMOTSS POSQ QPONOMJM
OPOTR RQRMNOP QRSSSTO
SNPO PQMORQRSP POSQ QPONOMJM
OPOTR RQRMNOP QRSSSTO
SNPO PQRMRQOPO

《美丽的神话》
MQN MOPOQ MTSTSPRQ
MTSPQRQ O MQPNM
MQNMOPOQ MTSTSPRQ
MTSPQRQPO MPONM

MNOPQONL MOPQQ

MNOPQONLMOPOO MPONM

MNOPQONL MOPQQ

MNOPQONLMOPOO OOPQONLONMNT

《有没有人告诉你》

JMMMMMMMMJKLK JLLLLLLLMNNJ

JMMMMMMMMQQP NNNNNJONON

JMMMMMMMMJKLK ILLLLLLLMNNJ

jMMMMMMMMQQP NNNNNNNMNM

QTQQQQOMJJQP JSSSSSSSTUUQ

QTQQQQOMJJQP PPPPPJNNM

《罗密欧与茱丽叶》

TVUQ QSQTTSRS SRQP PPOPQ

TVUQ QSQT TWU QVUTS VUTST

《致爱丽斯》Flash键盘钢琴谱
QPQPQNPOMHJMNJLNOJQPQPQNPOMHJMNJONMNOPQLRQPKQPOJPONNJQQQ
QPQPQNPOMHJMNJLNOJQPQPQNPOMHJMNJONMORQQPPRTSR
QPONMMLMNOPPQRMOPNOPQSPNOPQSPNQQQQQP

《卡农》括号表示两个键一起按，-表示停顿
H-JLOE-ILN F-HJMC-GIL
D-FHKA-EHJD-FHKE-GIL
(HQ)-JLO (EP)-GIL (OF)-HJM (NC)-GJL
(MD)-FHK (LA)-CEH (MD)-FHK (NE)-GIL

ONOH (GB)LIJ (CH)ONM (CN)QST
(DR)QPR (QA)PON (DM)LKJ (EI)KJI
(EH)IJK (EG)ILK (FJ)MLK (CL)KJI
(DH)FMN (AO)NML (DK)JIM LML

(SJ)QRS-QR(SE)LMNOPQR
(FQ)OPQ-JK(GL)MLKLJKL
(FK)MLK-JI(JE)IHIJKLM
(FK)MLM-NO(GL)MNOPQRS
(SI)QRS-QR(SE)LMNOPQR
(FQ)OPQ-JK(GL)MLKLJKL
(FK)MLK-JI(EJ)IHIJKLM
(FK)MLM-NO(GL)MNOPQRS

(HQ)-JLO (EP)-GIL (OF)-HJM (NC)-GJL
(MD)-FHK (LA)-CEH (MD)-FHK (NE)-GILNQOQPO

《我真的受伤了》

前奏： momqp inipo mrqomo po
开始： momqp inipo momqppo psq momqp inipo mrqo mopo rrrqp pspqo rrrqpop qqrq ttttspr qpom qoosqpp momqp inipo momqppo psq tttts pspqpo mrqomo po

《两只蝴蝶》
QPQ PQPO MOP PQPOMOL
QPQ PQPO MOP PQPOMOP
QPQ PQPO MOP PQPOMOL
QSS STSQ PQP PQPOMOO
SSTVUUTQPQ
QSTT MQP
QSSQSVUTUQ
TTUTSQPLMO

王力宏的《唯一》
JLMLMNLJL LLLKKKJIHJ
KKKJIHJ HIHJI JIHI
JLMLMNLJL LLLKKKJIHJ
KKKJIHJLO PQPOQOPOM QPOPQ
Q P OOOLOPQ NNNLNOP
QQRQOP
Q P OOOLOPQ NNNLNOPQQM
LRQOL QP OOOONOLJM
QPOOOONOLJM

爱的罗曼史钢琴曲，强烈要求加上半音！

QQQQPO ONMMOQ
TTTTSR RQPPQR
QPQSRQ QPOONM
NNNNON MMMMNOM

EDELWEISS(雪绒花）
C-E-I--H-E-D--
C-C-CDE-F--E--
C-E-I--H-E-D--
C-E-EFG-H--H--
I-E-GFE-C-E-H--
F-H-I-H-G--E--
C-E-I--H-E-D--
C-E-EFG-H--H--

醉清风

QPPQOO
QRPPPOP
PQQ
QPPPQOO
QQPPQOPQP
SSSSP PQ
POPQ
SSSSP PQOOO MO
RQOMOMO RQOMOOMOP
SSUVWVV
VTSQPO
QRSSPP QOO
SSUV WVVWXX UWVV
SQPOO QRSPLQOO

世上只有妈妈好
QPNPSQPQ
NPQPNMLJPNM
MNPPQNML
PNMLJLI

我有一只小毛驴

oooqsssstttvs
srrrtqqqspppps
soooqsssstttvs
srrrtqqqsppppo

等一分钟

Q Q S T T T Q Q S T T T S Q S T Q S t

我在等一分钟或许下一分钟看到你闪躲的眼

Q Q S T T T T S Q P Q S P Q

我不会让伤心的泪挂满你的脸

Q Q S T T T Q Q S T T T S Q S V U S Q T
我在等一分钟或许下一分钟能够感觉你也心痛

Q Q P O P Q P O P S P Q M
那一年我不会让离别成永远

梁静茹--小手拉大手
l (lm)(op) Q t S q (pp)O
还记得那场音乐会的烟火
o (po)(no)Q m O Q Q P
还记得那个凉凉的深秋
p (qp)(op) S o P q(pp)O
还记得人潮把你推向了我
o (po)(no)S m O M m L
游乐园拥挤的正是时候
l (lm)(op)Q t S q (pp)O
一个夜晚坚持不睡的等候
o (po)(no)Q m O Q Q -P
一起泡温泉奢侈的享受
p (qp)(op) S o P q(pp)-O
有一次日记里愚蠢的困惑
o (po)(no)S t O P o-O
因为你的微笑幻化成风
q (rq)(pq)R r P Q r-R
你大大的勇敢保护着我
r (sr)(sr)Q p O P q -Q
我小小的关怀喋喋不休
q (qp)(oq) Q p P p(op)-P
感谢我们一起走了那么久
p (pq)(rp)T s S R s-S
又再一起回到凉凉深秋
p (qp)(qs)-S
给你我的手
p (qp)(qs)-S
像温柔野兽
s (ts) (tu) V q Q T s-S-
把自由交给草原的辽阔
(so)(po)R q P O
我们小手拉大手
q Q p-o O
一起交游
o P m O Q s-S
今天别想太多
p (qp)(qs)
你是我的梦
p (qp)(qs)-S
像北方的风
s (ts)(tu) Vq Q T s-S-
却正能帮我悠扬的哀愁
(so)(po)R q P O
我们小手拉大手
q Q p-oOo P m O P O
今天加油向昨天挥挥手
注:小写为半个音节,大写为一个音节.()为两个半音合为一个音节,-为与后一个音节组成拉长音.
主要是自己音调控制好.我觉得半音弹快点,两个半音的就一个音的正常速度.拉长的就按久点

《不能说的秘密》
EHHH EGGG
EHHH EIII
EHHH EGGG
EHHH EIII
EKKKK KJJ KKKLJIHGGH
ELLLL LKK LLLLLKKJJI
EKKKK KJJ KKKLJIHGGIH
FHLMH LLLLLKKJJI
HONOOLLLLKKJ
HONOOLLLLPPO
HONONMHNMNML
HMLMLKKJKLMML
HONOOLLLLKKJ
HONOOLLLLPPO
HONONM
HNMNML
HMLMLKKJKLMML
HLHKJ

女人花

JLLML ILLML HIJOMJL MOOPO MLMJIH FHILJIH JLQ QQPPOL JLO OOMMLJ JLQ QQPPOM MOP PPQNML JLLML ILLML HIJOMJL MOOPO MLMJIH FHILJIH

暖暖
EHIIJJIJJIJLJH HEF JI(JI)HIJ
EHIIJJIJJIJLJH HEF JI(JI)HIH
HGFHI HIJLIJH
HGFHI(JI)HIJ
HGFHI HIJLLJM
JIH JI(JI)HIH
HJKLHJKL
MNOJKL
MLKLOO
MMNON
LJKLMNONML
KLMKLOO
ONLHJIH

《同一首歌》
E H I J K J H I H F H
E H I J J K L H K J L I J I
J L O N M M
L L M N M L J
K K L M L K J I G G F E F H
O M K L M N N N N M L J
O M K L M F F F M K J I
E H I J K J H H I I I I H F F
G G F E M L I I K K K J I H

<我的知足>
onoss onoq onolqpmnop
onossstutq tuvsqqrqmpo
ovutrp outspo
pqr rts qpq qrs
ovutruvw swuv tuvtuvws
oooss onoq onolq pmnop
onoss stuvs tuvsq qrqmpo
ovutrp outspo
pqr rts qpq qrs
ovutruvw swuv tuvtuvwwvus
onoss onoq onolqpmnop
onossstutq tuvsqqrqmpo
tuvsq qrqmpo
tuvwv qrqmpo

c'est la vie

天上掉下来个洛小包

A good website for mental health information

哀鸽

云端里的小岛

Moonwalking

神奇的邻居

Mouse steals food from African leopard

A somewhat eventful day

Cute or funny gifs

Apple's 11 most intriguing computer designs

Things that help me lose my passion for Science

搞笑QQ签名（转载）

Ocean the cradle

Elasticgirl

打开冰箱看见你

I loved you once... by Alexander Pushkin

My first official subject

Sigh no more ladies

Prize-winning underwater photography 2009

比较《拉贝》:《南京》将再气死30万中国人 （转载）

搞笑口误集锦（转载）

小米

王小猴的幸福生活（转载）

After the storm

In Memory of 2008 Sichuan Earthquake

Christian the lion

Unexpected Perfections

知识青年从军歌

Once a homeland

停电夜惊魂

北方有杏花，春来若云霞 (there are apricot flowers in the north, blooming like clouds when spring comes)

The Butterfly Garden

The lonely lookout at sunset

Three suicides that I feel for

John Dowling

Weary Spring

Epiphyllum oxypetalum

More practice

Practice on night scene

猫的报恩

A beautiful malentendu

A Cloudy Evening

倾城之恋

Incredible Animal Photos (Collected)

Officially Spring

往事

A Foggy Day

Hedgehog and Duck

A rainy day

月本无今古，情缘自浅深

Simply Amazing

有天傍晚

A March Saturday Morning

山含情水含笑

惊蛰的后一天

A Cool and Touching short film - World Builder

Frankie Lee

美丽世界

Desiderata

重返手机时代

When they are young

猜猜你的心

A few poems

Les Choristes - La Nuit

A cool music website

大象和狗狗的爱

Dog & Cat

惊天大雷一个！

My valentine roses

What a wonderful world

玫瑰花心的梦

鸽子

Human - the killers

江南有女名丫丫

羊羊的抓频

A Streetcar Named Desire

北极熊靓照

这也太搞笑了吧

难忘的电影台词（memorable lines from movies)

比较《拉贝》:《南京》将再气死30万中国人（转载）